Birnes William J. - The Star Trek Cookbook

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PHOTO CREDITS

Carin Baer: 149.

Bill Birnes: 222, 223.

Danny Feld: 186, 188.

Julie Dennis: 190.

Kim Gottlieb-Walker: 106.

Robbie Robinson: 3, 10, 23, 29, 34, 37, 62, 107, 115, 124, 133, 139, 143, 150, 155, 161, 167, 174, 179, 183, 197, 200, 219, 220, 230, 239, 247, 248, 251, 254, 256, 269, 278, 282, 301. Fred Sabine: 95.

Alan Sims: 57, 58, 111, 121, 131, 263.

Line drawings by Patty Cresswell

An Original Publication of POCKET BOOKS

POCKET BOOKS , a division of Simon & Schuster Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 1999 by Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

STAR TREK is a Registered Trademark of Paramount Pictures.

This book is published by Pocket Books, a division of Simon & Schuster Inc., under exclusive license from Paramount Pictures.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Pocket Books, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

ISBN-13 978-0-671-00022-6

ISBN-10: 0-671-00022-5
ISBN-13: 978-1-45168-696-8 (eBook)

First Pocket Books trade paperback printing January 1999

10 9 8 7 6

POCKET and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc.

Book design by Richard Oriolo

To our talented, beautiful, kind, gracious,
verray, parfit, gentil wives,
Patty Cresswell and Nancy Hayfield:

I noot wher she be womman or goddesse,
But Venus is it soothly, as I gesse.

Geoffrey Chaucer, The Knights Tale

O, pipius claw!
That hath such wonders to it.

Unknown Klingon minstrel song from the 3rd edition of The Uncollected Songs of Kahless, ed. Jesse B. Yessmer and R. Strode (Canterbury: Oxbridge University at The Longwill Press, 11. 2247ff).

It isnt often that I give anything away for freeunless, of course, theres greater profit to be made later on. But Im feeling unusually generous. Ethan Phillips, the actor (now, theres an unprofitable profession) who plays that delightful character Mr. Neelix on Star Trek: Voyager, had the temerity to ask me to write a few words for his Star Trek Cookbook. At first I just laughed. Not only at his absurd suggestion of charity, but also at the unbelievably garish makeup he was wearing. (There are things even I wont do for a living!!) But then I thought, why not? After all, we serve some of that same food (granted its replicated) at Quarks Bar, Grill, Gaming House, and Holosuite Arcade (see the recipe Poulet Fereng). I thought, why not get some free publicity for my place in exchange for a few brief minutes at the word processor. So without any further ado:

BUY THE BOOK! COOK THE FOOD! AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS! YOULL LOVE IT!

There, Ethan, I hope youre happy.

Mr. Neelix, Captain Janeway began, amazed at how Id transformed her private dining room into a ships galley and was serving out breakfast to the crew.

At first the captain was a little taken aback. She asked me to follow her to the bridge. I was to serve as scout extraordinary.

Mr. Neelix, the captain explained, you could be the most important person on board this ship, and we need your help to find our way home, but my dining room...

If you want to know the truth, I considered my redesign of the captains dining room something of an accomplishment. Ever since I joined the Voyager crew, Id had nothing to do. Frankly, I was feeling as useful as a second pinkie until the captain chose to confide in me her deepest concerns. I was flattered, of course, and not a little humbled that Captain Janeway would share her thoughts with me about the morale of the crew, the building of an esprit de corps, and my prowess as a scout through these alien territories.

Why thats no problem, Captain, I said. In my travels throughout the quadrant Ive encountered so many different cultures I must have a million different types of meals I can prepare. It didnt take me long at all to set up a galley and reroute the mess hall power conduits, and Ill learn everything about each member of the crew so I can make their favorite dishes as well.

You could have asked me, Mr. Neelix, the captain said. And I could feel her bristle at the loss of her dining room, but I knew that in the end she would see it my way.

You can trust me, Captain, I assured her. You have found the right Talaxian to guide you through this quadrant. And, my cooking will accomplish wonders, just wait and see.

And thats how my assignment to the galley on Voyager was solidified. Plain old, companionable Neelix became Neelix: scout to the Delta Quadrant, trusted confidential adviser to Captain Janeway, occasional ambassador, ships morale officer, but, most important, the chief cook. It was a hefty job, a big challenge to take on. I did not know the crew. But I could apply myself, just as I did to woo and win my beloved Kes.

I kept a careful record of all the meals I prepared in my galley and proudly offer in this cookbook some of the best and most notable dishes. The actual recipes have been reconfigured for humans using ingredients entirely from the planet Earth. You dont need to serve onboard a starship in order to cook the recipes Ive prepared. In fact, this cookbook is the only complete gastronomical reference to all our adventures in the Delta Quadrant. So, in the grand tradition of Starfleet, these are my recipes from the Starship Voyager, whose seventy-thousand-light-year mission is to explore new worlds, seek out new civilizations, and, above all, to return home from where no Starfleet vessel has gone before.

Straightening out what would become my galley and organizing the pots, pans, and various utensils, I knew that I must take Captain Janeways admonitions to heart. I would be assiduous in my assignment. The crews needs were my needs. I would live to servemeals, that is.

But before I could begin preparing the dishes the crew would love, I needed to understand more about them, about what they liked to eat. So I decided to conduct a series of interviews, a kind of away mission to each crew members palate. On this journey I came to learn many things, not only about the crews tastes in food and things like traditional holiday meals and the concept of comfort food, but also about the crew as individuals. They shared with me their hobbies and hopes, their peccadilloes and pet peeves, their noble and varied reasons for being in Starfleet or the Maquis, and a little more than I wanted to know about different gastrointestinal ailments. It was an illuminating experience that I would later draw upon in many ways. As a chef, I could surprise them with a taste of home tucked away inside some alien morsel. And as morale officer, I now knew a little bit more about them, which would help me reach out in a personal way when they needed support and kindness. All in all, it was an inspiriting, stimulating, and very productive mission.