For my six precious, precious daughters.
Thanks so much to so many people who have been shoulders for me to stand on during the writing of this book.
Firstly, to the team at kidspot.com.au, thank you for the trust you place in me. I joined the Kidspot team near their beginning and our relationship has continued in a strong and positive way ever since, even as Kidspot has changed and shifted to NewsCorp. Thanks to Alex Brooks (former editor), Ella Walsh, Marg Rafferty, Melissa Wilson, Jeni ODowd, Rhett Watson and everyone else behind the scenes for such stellar support. And a special thanks to Nicole Sheffield at NewsLifeMedia you made it happen!
At ABC Books, I have had a tremendously patient publisher in Katie Stackhouse. Katie has endured questions, quarrels and crazy ideas via email and phone at all hours as crises of confidence or questions around content have pummelled my brain. Katie, thank you. Additional thanks to Kate ODonnell, whose fairness and perspective contributed to an enormously improved and compassionate manuscript. Barbara McClenahan and Bronwyn Sweeney took this book and reviewed, edited and improved so much that I think they must know the contents and concepts as well as I do. They make me look like a much better writer than I actually am, and I thank them for their awesome work and attention to detail. I hope its helped to make your families more resilient, too. If so, mission accomplished.
I had valuable input for which Im grateful from a range of people with incredible insight into what makes resilience happen. Thank you to Andrew Fuller, Professor Darcia Narvaez, Professor Marshall Duke and Professor H Wallace Goddard. Your generous gift of time to answer questions for a book that doesnt bear your names has been appreciated.
Im particularly appreciative to John Maclean, who spent an hour talking to me about his incredible story of resilience and courage. I hope that this book honours your legacy, John.
There have been many parents who have shared stories, experiences and heartfelt challenges with me over the years. I am grateful to them for allowing me to share aspects of their stories in this book, and for their trust in me to help them.
Writing this book has been a test of resilience for my family. Researching and writing requires significant sacrifice, and it is not just the author who gives things up. To my children, who went to bed with far too little attention on too many nights during the months I was working on this book, I owe you a tremendous debt of gratitude. Your resilience is a beacon to me of how to be hopeful and happy in spite of an over-tired, grumpy dad who should know better. I love you all: Chanel, Abbie, Ella, Annie, Lilli and Emilie. And well make up for this ten times over.
Mum and Dad, and also Les and Natasha, my in-laws. Im grateful for the influence youve had in my life and the belief youve shown over the many years. Your support and belief in me and your unconditional love have contributed to my resilience.
Finally, to my wife, my eternal sweetheart. I owe the resiliency of our relationship to you and your support. The world is all gates, all opportunities. Lets open them and see where they take us together.
We all want our children to succeed in life but, ultimately, we want them to be happy. And the key to that is teaching them resilience, which is why every parent needs to have this book. Dr Justin Coulson, Australias number one parenting expert, provides parents with practical advice that is easy to process and implement. As your child grows and learns, you will find yourself referencing this book over and over again!
Melissa Wilson
Editor of Kidspot.com.au
Parenting would have to be one of the most rich and rewarding but also stressful jobs on the planet. Justin Coulson provides up-to-date research into what helps build emotional resilience and explains clear strategies designed to help parents embody optimism and compassion as they guide their children through the often unpredictable journey of growing up in a very complex world.
Dr Diana Korevaar
Author of Mindfulness for Mums and Dads
Once again, Justin Coulson has raised critical questions about the way we build relationships with young people. A very useful resource for parents and educators alike, this book unlocks the myths and provides an insight into the way young people think, learn and get on in life.
Jason Borton
Director of Learning,
Teaching and Early Childhood
ACT Education Directorate
We cant stop adverse events, but we can help children to shape a resilient attitude that sees these as challenges rather than threats. Justin Coulson explains how balancing support, trust and tending nurtures a sense of internal control and mastery that allows a child to bounce back and learn from mistakes and failure throughout their life.
Dr Fiona Kerr
Industry Professor, Systems and Neural Complexity
Faculties of Professions and Health Sciences
University of Adelaide
This is a clear-eyed and accessible insight into the parenting process and the importance of helping our children develop resilience. Good to see links to the underlying brain processes, and a refreshing avoidance of neuro-nonsense and psychobabble.
Professor Gina Rippon
Chair of Cognitive NeuroImaging
Aston University
We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, each of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (18031882)
In early 2015 I wrote an article for an online parenting website. As their parenting expert, I am tasked with answering parenting dilemmas and providing inspiring ideas for mums or dads who are struggling. It so happened that this particular article about resilience struck a chord. Titled 18 ways to raise a resilient child, it was a hit. When it was shared on social media, its reach was phenomenal. A few weeks after the article was shared, I shared it again. Same result. Then a couple of months later I decided to try it again, and was amazed to see the article going even wider and reaching more people. Ive since shared that article several times more, and time and again the response has been enormous.
Im unconvinced that the article was particularly well written, wise or profound. But it highlighted what resilience is (for now its enough to say that resilience means that we bounce back from challenges and adversity, and that our developmental progress isnt thwarted by difficult even traumatic circumstances), and it tapped into the importance of parents connecting with their children to build up their resilience. There is much more to building resilience than these ideas, but it seems that the idea of resilience resonates with parents who are worried that their children are somehow not coping, or may not be able to cope in the future. Parents and carers want to know how to help their children be more resilient. They ask questions like: