Psychologies Magazine - Real Strength Build your resilience and bounce back from anything

This edition first published 2017

2017 Kelsey Publishing Ltd

Registered office

John Wiley and Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, United Kingdom

For details of our global editorial offices, for customer services and for information about how to apply for permission to reuse the copyright material in this book please see our website at www.wiley.com.

The right of the author to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, except as permitted by the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Wiley publishes in a variety of print and electronic formats and by print-on-demand. Some material included with standard print versions of this book may not be included in e-books or in print-on-demand. If this book refers to media such as a CD or DVD that is not included in the version you purchased, you may download this material at http://booksupport.wiley.com. For more information about Wiley products, visit www.wiley.com.

Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademark or registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publisher and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. It is sold on the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services and neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Title: Real strength : build your resilience and bounce back from anything / Psychologies Magazine.

Other titles: Psychologies magazine.

Description: Chichester, West Sussex, United Kingdom : Wiley, 2017. | Identifiers: LCCN 2017020147 (print) | ISBN 9780857086693 (pbk.)

Subjects: LCSH: Resilience (Personality trait) | Adjustment (Psychology)

Classification: LCC BF698.35.R47 (ebook) | LCC BF698.35.R47 R43 2017 (print) | DDC 155.2/4dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017020147

ISBN 978-0-857-08669-3 (pbk)

ISBN 978-0-857-08670-9 (ebk) ISBN 978-0-857-08671-6 (ebk)

Cover design: Wiley

by Suzy Greaves, editor, Psychologies

Divorce, debt, redundancy, loss of loved ones. We wouldnt be human if we didnt struggle in the face of such ordeals. But what would it be like if we could learn the skills of not only surviving such challenges, but learning and growing because of them?

At Psychologies, we believe that real strength is not about powering through a crisis with a stiff upper lip. Its about using lifes challenges to reset your course, for you to be able to admit vulnerability, tell the truth about how you feel and then find a way to move forward again.

Yes, when you are first faced with huge changes it is a massive shock to the system, and you can feel lost, scared, sad and confused. But real strength is about feeling all of these emotions and then finding a way to centre yourself again and respond from a place of hope and optimism versus fear. Its not about inane optimism either. You are allowed to prepare for the worst as well as hope for the best. Real strength is about finding a sense of meaning in the adversity. It can be an opportunity to look at how you are spending your time and your energy and committing to a life that is built on your values.

At Psychologies, we believe that each and every one of us has an innate wisdom to help choose the right path. Right now, you may not know what that path may be, but by picking up this book you have taken the first step to finding a way through the challenges you may be currently facing and building the resilience you need to create the life you want.

And we are right by your side.

Good luck!

Suzy Greaves, Editor, Psychologies

There are obviously a million possible reasons why you picked up this book, but we would hazard a guess that a big part of it is because, right now, you could do with some real strength. Wed like to point out that that alone the fact you are on the hunt for things to help yourself in your current situation indicates you are already stronger and more resilient than you think. Being able to seek support is an important part of building strength.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade or so the saying goes. And this is possibly what this book is about in a nutshell. No one can escape the lemons, after all. There are not many things we can guarantee in life but the fact we will all, at some point, come across adversity is one of them. Adversity, trauma, pain, struggles call it what you will upheaval happens in our lives whether we like it or not and, chances are, its happening to you right now.

This could be subtle upheaval such as rows with loved ones and disappointments, or more serious trauma such as bereavement, getting divorced and illness. It doesnt have to be an event at all; you could just feel that you are in a rut. We are all thrown a curveball once in a while but its how we react and deal with those curveballs that makes us stronger. And crucially, how we grow from them. Thats what we believe real strength is at Psychologies magazine not just surviving hard times, but thriving because, and in spite of them and this is what this book aims to help you to do.

But just as the traumas we will all experience in our lives will differ hugely, so will our perceptions of those experiences. The same can be said of what we constitute as real strength all we can say, is that real is the crucial word here; because its about what feels real and authentic to you, what makes you feel strong.

Thats probably the most important ethos here at Psychologies magazine: you are an individual and what helps and inspires you when you hit a rough patch wont necessarily help the next person. Thats why wed like you to see Real Strength as a toolkit for unlocking and building upon your inner resilience; your ability, not just to bounce back from adversity, but to use it as a platform to bounce even higher. And this is perfectly within your reach. Its likely that it doesnt feel like that right now, but trust us, it is.

In fact, were here not only to help you believe that, but to show you how its done. Using the latest research and advice from experts in fields of wellbeing and resilience, Real Strength aims to help you define your own brand of resilience and to develop the skills to tap into it. We sincerely believe that if you can do that, there is greater joy and contentment waiting for you around the corner and its very probable you will come to see this hardship youre going through as the greatest gift you were ever given.