Table of Contents
Cover design: Binary & The Brain
2013 Liggy Webb
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Webb, Liggy.
Resilience : how to cope when everything around you keeps changing / Liggy Webb.
1 online resource.
Includes index.
Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.
ISBN 978-0-85708-417-0 (pdf) ISBN 978-0-85708-384-5 (epub) ISBN 978-0-85708-386-9 (mobi) ISBN 978-0-85708-387-6 (pbk.) 1. Resilience (Personality trait). 2. Adjustment (Psychology) 3. Change (Psychology) I. Title.
BF698.35.R47
155.2'4dc23
2012049066
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9780-857083876 (paperback) ISBN 9780-857083869 (ebk)
ISBN 9780-857083845 (ebk) ISBN 9780-857084170 (ebk)
This book is dedicated to friendship
Thank you to the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
For those who have had to fight for it, life has truly a flavour the protected shall never know.
From a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt on the 23 April 1910, at the Sorbonne in Paris
An Introduction to Resilience
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Have you ever felt sometimes as if you would like to stop the world and get off for a while, just to have a little rest, recover and make sense of it all? In the increasingly demanding and changing world that we live in, it is so easy sometimes to become overwhelmed and feel as if you are sinking.
At some point, everyone experiences varying degrees of setbacks. Some of these challenges might be relatively minor and others may have a major impact. How you deal with these problems can play a major part in the ultimate outcome and also your long-term psychological well-being.
Resilient people are able to utilize their skills and strengths to cope and recover from the knockbacks and challenges, which could well include illness, job loss, financial problems, natural disasters, relationship break-ups or the death of someone you love.
If you lack resilience you may become overwhelmed by these experiences and simply fall apart. You may find yourself dwelling on your problems and using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain and heartache.
It would be fair to say that some individuals do indeed have personality traits that help them remain calm in the face of adversity. Others may well react more emotionally and dramatically. We will, of course, all react differently to trauma and stress in our lives. Some people take a more stoic approach and keep their feelings hidden; others may become more expressive and emotional. Different personalities tend to process information in a variety of ways and your reaction will be part of your coping mechanism.
The key, however, is the end result. It isnt necessarily a question of how far you fall, but how high you can bounce back; sometimes, maybe, even bigger, better and stronger as a result of the experience.
Like the boomerang on the cover of the book, you show true resilience by returning from each experience relatively unscathed and ready to face positively the next challenge that life may throw your way.
What you need to avoid is becoming a Doomerang, returning from each experience loaded with negative baggage, resentments and pain that could well haunt you for the rest of your life and make the next situation even harder to deal with.
Resilient people do not allow adversity to drain their resolve. They find a way to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and keep going, with a strong belief that things can, and will, get better.
Resilience comes from the Latin word resilio, which means to jump back. Some people describe resilience as the ability to bend instead of breaking under pressure, or the ability to persevere and adapt when faced with challenges. The same abilities also help us to be more open and willing to take on new opportunities. In this way, resilience is more than just survival, it is also about letting go and learning to grow.
Throughout this book you will find that some of the greatest examples of people who cope exceptionally well with adversity are those who adopt a positive mental attitude.
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