Langford - The Etiquette Edge

THE

Etiquette

EDGE

The Unspoken Rules for
Business Success

BEVERLY Y. LANGFORD

American Management Association

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Langford, Beverly Y., 1942

The etiquette edge : the unspoken rules for business success / Beverly
Langford.1st ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 0-8144-7242-7

1. Business etiquette. 2. Success in business. I. Title.

HF5389.L36 2005

395.52dc22

2005007239

2005 Beverly Y. Langford.
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.

This publication may not be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted in whole or in part,
in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,
without the prior written permission of AMACOM,
a division of American Management Association,
1601 Broadway, New York, NY 10019.

Printing number

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

CHAPTER 1
Twenty-First Century Manners: Can Courtesy Survive in the Brave New World?

CHAPTER 2
Credibility: Creating It and Keeping It

CHAPTER 3
Develop Your Gratitude Attitude: Say Thank You and Mean It

CHAPTER 4
I See What Youre Saying: Are Your Unspoken Messages Telling on You?

CHAPTER 5
What the $%#*!& Is Going On Here? Should We Put a Leash on Our Language?

CHAPTER 6
Tell Me Less: Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

CHAPTER 7
Praiseworthy Praise: Giving Compliments that Count

CHAPTER 8
What Did You Say? Developing Your Ability to Listen

CHAPTER 9
Convenience or Curse? Is It Time for a Cell Phone Reality Check?

CHAPTER 10
Travel Courtesy: Dont Leave Home Without It

CHAPTER 11
Terror on Both Sides of the Desk: Relieving Interview Stress

CHAPTER 12
The New Job: Getting Started on the Right Foot

CHAPTER 13
Office Space: Make Working Together More Enjoyable and Productive

CHAPTER 14
E-Mail: Think Before You Send

CHAPTER 15
Using the Telephone Productively: Conversations, Teleconferencing, and Voice Mail Messaging

CHAPTER 16
Are We Having a Casual Crisis? Coping with Dress Code Confusion

CHAPTER 17
Getting Along with Your Manager: Spotting and Solving Personality Problems

CHAPTER 18
Loving Your Enemies: Coping with the Price of Success

CHAPTER 19
When Your Best Friend Becomes Your Boss: Balancing the Professional and the Personal

CHAPTER 20
How to Leave a Job: Making a Graceful Exit

CHAPTER 21
Refuse to Schmooze and You Lose: Cultivating the Social Side of Business

CHAPTER 22
Lets Do Lunch: Dining Your Way to Success

CHAPTER 23
Standing Out in the Crowd: Getting Noticed Without Becoming Notorious

CHAPTER 24
He Said, She Said: When the Gender Gap Seems as Wide as the Grand Canyon

CHAPTER 25
When Silence Is Not a Virtue: Complaining Without Carping

CHAPTER 26
When an Apology Is in Order: Saying Im Sorry

CHAPTER 27
Tell It Like It Is: Delivering Unwelcome Information Without Doing Permanent Damage

CHAPTER 28
Confronting with Courtesy: Preserving Relationships While Resolving Differences

CHAPTER 29
When the Worst Happens: Dealing with Tragedy and Death

CHAPTER 30
Citizenship in the Global Village

The way that we interact with each other has been a subject of fascination for centuries, and this book is just one more look at particular facets of the process. In thinking and writing about the topic of workplace civility and the role of courtesy in personal success, I have been fortunate to benefit from the great accumulation of others ideas and writings as a foundation for my own conclusions.

Further, in writing this book, I often called on colleagues, clients, students, friends, and family to discuss various concepts and, particularly, to share their own thoughts and experiences. I am grateful to all of them for their willingness to participate and add value.

Special thanks go to my husband, Charles Boyd, whose business experience and organized thought processes helped me focus and manage the seemingly unlimited information on the subject. In addition, I am grateful to Leslie Langford and Elizabeth Boyd for their willingness to read and respond to the work at various stages. I also appreciate the expertise of editors Ellen Kadin, Ellen Coleman, and Gloria Fuzia for their valuable insights and guidance in creating the final product.

To all of you who contributed support, encouragement, and wisdom to this endeavor, I hope you will conclude that it was time well spent.

Todays workplace is a more complex environment than it was just a couple of decades ago. Organizations have benefited from the richness of diversity and reduced hierarchy, but the resulting cultural complexity and diminished structure have created considerable confusion about accepted conventions of conduct and interpersonal relationships.

Customs vary, and language and social differences can make effective interaction in the workplace, as challenging as it already is, even more daunting. The old rules dont seem to work anymore; we need new practical guidelines to avoid confusion, or even chaotic behavior.

Unfortunately, since the late sixties and early seventies, many people have considered courtesy old fashioned and good manners elitist. At the same time, many of us are increasingly frustrated with rudeness or social ineptness among employees, customers, coworkers, and strangers. Yet most of us will readily admit that our parents concepts of good manners dont always work in the twenty-first century.