Ono - Memories of John Lennon

When John passed away so suddenly that night, I felt as though half of me flew away with him. My body, especially my knees, shook so badly, I had to hold on to a friend to walk out of the hospital. Spring came and went. Summer. I was surprised that the leaves were shining so intensely when John was no more. It seemed like a crime, that everything else was still so alive. Fall was beautiful. And Winter. I realized then that the winters would be hard for some time.

Twenty-five years have passed since then. I am all right when I am with people, my son, and my daughter. I smile, I laugh. I look up at the sky and let my heart dance. I hug my childreneven though its more accurate to say that they hug me, since they are much larger than me now. But when Im alone, when the evening light starts to drench the world in pink, in the dark of the night and at dawn, my heart still shakes and will not stop.

People always ask me when will I write about my life with John. I repeat my answer that I am not ready yet. Will I ever be ready? I dont feel I would be. I feel I could not open that part of my heart while its still shaking.

This book was such a blessing for me. I cherished reading each one of the vignettes. Each writer was so sincere in their love for John, it immediately relaxed me. They were so funny, too. Great wits! Fantastic minds! I could not believe that so many of Johns and my friends suddenly revealed themselves as great writers. I kept saying to them in my mind, Dont stop. You should have been a writer. Well, you still could be. They made me laugh belly laughs. I havent laughed so much since Woody Allens last film, I thought. And that was quite a while ago. I laughed and laughed. And then I cried. Tears were streaming out of me, uncontrollably, and would not stop even after the last pagewhich came too soon.

What a beautiful project this book turned out to be. I hope youll enjoy it as much as I have. As John used to say after our successful projectsin our eyes, that iswe have to make a son of very soon. Thank you, my friends, for still carrying those memories and sharing them with us, and especially, with me. I am a lucky woman.

Y OKO O NO L ENNON
Spring 2005

W HEN I FIRST HEARD I MAGINE, AND THE SOFT, GENTLE VOICE OF J OHN SINGING, I WAS QUITE OVERWHELMED. T HE SONG SEEMED TO ENCAPSULATE ALL WE IN THE 1960S DREAMED OF: A WORLD WITH NO VIOLENCE, NO RACISM, NO war, no assassinationsa world possible through envisioning it to be so. I still believe it, and every time I hear the song, it enforces my belief. We can have peace, harmony, beauty and love if we make that our constant vision for the future, if we imagine it and live it ourselves every day. That was Johns gift to us, all through his remarkable song.

O UR FIRST DIRECT CONTACT IN 1969 WAS FORMAL. I WAS EDITING THE B LACK D WARF, A RADICAL POLITICO-CULTURAL MAGAZINE. W E HAD PUBLISHED A N O PEN L ETTER TO J OHN L ENNONA SAVAGE REVIEW OF THE Beatles album Revolution by John Hoyland, our music/popular culture critic. John Lennon had been busted by the cops. The Black Dwarf used the occasion to discuss the lyrics of the Revolution album seriously. Hoyland wrote:

Above all: perhaps now youll see what it is youre (were) up against. Not nasty people, not even neurosis or spiritual undernourishment. What were confronted with is a repressive, vicious, authoritarian system. A system which is inhuman and immoral, because it deprives 99 percent of humanity of the right to live their lives their own way. A system which will screw you if you step out of line and behave just a tiny bit differently from the way those in power want.

Such a systemsuch a societyis so racked by contradiction and tension and unhappiness that all relationships within it are poisoned. You know this. You know, from your own experience, how little control over their lives working-class people are permitted to have. How can love and kindness between human-beings grow in such a society? It cant. Dont you see that now? The system has got to be changed before people can live the full, loving lives that you have said you want.

Now do you see what was wrong with your record Revolution? That record was no more revolutionary than Mrs. Dales Diary. In order to change the world weve got to understand whats wrong with the world. And then, destroy it. Ruthlessly. There is no such thing as a polite revolution.

The tone of the letter was undoubtedly patronizing, and we thought he would ignore it. But a week later he sent a reply to John Hoyland with a covering note hoping I would publish it. We did:

Who do you think you are? What do you think you know? Im not only up against the establishment but you, too, it seems. I know what Im up againstnarrow mindsrich/poor. All your relationships may be poisonedit depends how you look at it. What kind of system do you propose and who would run it?

I dont remember saying Revolution was revolutionaryfuck Mrs. Dale. Listen to all three versions (Revolution 1, 2 and 9) then try again, dear John.

Youre obviously on a destruction kick. Ill tell you whats wrong with the worldpeople, so do you want to destroy them? Ruthlessly? Until we change your/our headstheres no chance. Tell me of one successful revolution. Who fucked up Communism? Sick Heads and nothing else. Do you think all the enemy wear capitalist badges so that you can shoot them? Its a bit nave, John. You seem to think its just a class war.

Look man, I was/am not against you. Instead of splitting hairs about the Beatles and the Stonesthink a little biggerlook at the world were living in and ask yourself: why? And thencome and join us.

Love,

John Lennon

PSYou smash itIll build around it.

As these extracts suggest, it was a spirited exchange.

After that there was a long silence. And, as was also common in those days, there was soon a split in the Black Dwarf. How strange it seems now and how stupid and destructive, but thats the way we were. The Leninists left to set up Red Mole and moved from swinging Soho to proletarian Pentonville Road, a seedy zone near Kings Cross station in London.

One day John rang and we talked. He suggested a meeting and a week later he and Yoko showed up at my bed-sit in North London with a delicious Japanese take-away as supper. We discussed the state of the world, including the state of the student movement in Japan. Johns views had sharpened considerably since the letters in the Black Dwarf. He told me that, like Mick Jagger, he had wanted to march on the big anti-Vietnam war demos but the Beatles manager, Brian Epstein, had forbidden any such outing. Epstein was fearful that the group might be denied visas to the States, which would be a commercial disaster. John always regretted having obeyed his manager, but that was in the past. The biggest and best influence in his life was now Yoko Ono. I was in no doubt that Yoko had radicalized him further on the artistic and the political front. She had also been accused of breaking up the Beatles and we laughed a great deal at the suggestion. He was angered by the racist gibes against Yoko in the tabloid press. I suggested they should be taken as compliments. It would be awful if the creeps who attacked her decided to turn their coats. Before they left, I suggested an interview with both of them and he agreed, wondering aloud whether it would be appropriate since Red Mole was very serious and interviewing me might lower the tone. He wasnt joking, but I assured him that an interview would be enormously helpful for our little newspaper. I asked if I could bring my colleague Robin Blackburnmore attuned to popular culture than myselfto which he readily agreed.