Simpson - The roommate book: sharing lives & slapping fives

Other books by Becky Simpson

I'd Rather Be Short

To all of my roommates.

You know who you are.

I was sitting at my desk working on an illustration project when I had the idea to write a book about roommates. My then roommate, Bekah, had said something funny. Or maybe she did something funny. Or maybe I just remembered something that we saw that was funny. I dont recall the details of that moment, but I do remember feeling like the idea came out of nowhere.

But it didnt come out of nowhere . The inspiration really wasnt that single lightning rod moment; it was an eight-year catalog of memories with Bekah and some of the other best roommates around.

Allow me to explain.

Theres this song by Dead Mans Bones (Ryan Goslings band) called Pa Pa Power.

Bekah and I discovered it a couple of years ago, well after its release in 2009. We were late bloomers, even when it came to music; but we didnt care because we loved that song.

Somewhere along the way, a tradition was born. Every time Pa Pa Power was played, we dropped whatever we were doing to lunge-dance-exercise for the duration of the song. We called this lancing. It was the only apartment rule to which we seriously abided. In fact, sometimes one of us would play it at five a.m. and force the other to jump out of bed and engage in four minutes of hardcore lancing. Because it was a serious tradition, we had to do it. No questions asked. Side note: This exercise not only builds character, but also an incredible ability to get quite low on the dance floor (whether it be Matrix or Sally OMalley style). For this, I am forever grateful. Most of this book was written while we lived together on Enfield Road in Austin, Texas. Nothing would please me more than to annotate each and every single one of these inside jokes, but my editor assigned me a page limit and a book deadline, so here we are.

Lets take a time machine back to college at Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa. The year was 2007, and I signed a lease with Rachel, Brie, and Katie. This was the start of three years of ugly birthday cakes and hand-me-down decor.

We were weirdos, and we knew it. The first place roommate freedom took us was . you guessed it: hair extensions. I dont think any of us thought hair extensions were cool until Brie showed up with full-bodied Sarah Jessica Parker hair (totally kiddingBries hair was brown). Bries bold move gave the rest of us permission to glue strips of fake hair (or was it real hair?) onto our own scalps and save the consequences for later (except for Katie; she never bought inuntil Halloween). Were these DIY extensions itchy, nappy, and just the excuse we needed to unapologetically say no to the gym? Absolutely. We looked like mermaids, and we couldnt have been happier. Instead of disposing of them when we were finished (like normal people), we kept them in a bag under our sink, better known as the Bag OHair. We werent sure if wed need them again for costume parties (Amy Winehouse, Kat Von D) or impromptu rattails, so we made sure to keep them handy.

Its been six years since we shared an Iowa street address, but I still remember because we just had so much fun . It was a formative time in life, but we didnt know it because we were too busy going on zombie bar crawls (once), making fun of Live, Laugh, Love posters (and all other clichs), borrowing each others clothes, eating Party Pizzas, and listening to MGMT.

This book is a celebration of roommate life. It is not an account of horror stories or worst-case scenarios; its an homage to the best of times that have outlived the leases with which they started. Its a reminder to make the most of the moments to come. Its an excuse to celebrate the little things, start dumb traditions, let the hair extensions down, and create space for friendship and play.

Remember, if its not fun, youre doing it wrong.

Tonight, we lance.

F or most of us, roommate life begins at eighteen. We head off to college bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Dorm living situations are almost always out of our control. Throughout the rest of college and early adult life, roommates are a hodgepodge of strangers, best buds, and friends of friends of cousins friends.

Just like snowflakes, no two roommates are alike.

N obody wants to be put in a box, but since its easier, were going to do it anyway. Here is a comprehensive list of roommate types, categorized as if they are cafeteria tables in the 2004 cinema classic Mean Girls :

The BFF

nuff said.

The Random

This is the most common type of roommate. Whether you ended up living together by way of craigslist or the old-fashioned college dorm pairings, all of your lifes decisions and experiences have led you to this point. Welcome to the rest of your life.

The Random is like a mysterious one-hundred-acre farm in West Texas. It may always remain desolate and unfamiliar, but if youre lucky, it will make you rich with oil (or memories). Go for the gold and shoot to become best friends by the end of the year.

The We Get Along but Were Not Really Friends

I hope you dont kiss your mother with that mouth.

The Braless and Lawless

We all know and love her. Shes exposed and she has no filter. She truly embraces her danger zone and has answered the door without pants at least once. She encourages the rest of us to let our hair down and, if nothing else, eat leftover pie for breakfast.

The Frenemy

The Enemy

This was avoidable.

The Ive Never Actually Seen My Roommate Roommate

Depending on whom you ask, this is either code for Im making the most of it, or I just won the lottery, nerds.

The Platonic Opposite Sex

Pros: dating advice, somebody to clean the fan blades, probably wont steal your clothes. Cons: shared bathroom (lets not talk about the ... hair), sports ball posters, cant steal their clothes.

The Faux Partner

One hundred percent platonic, but is more than just a roommate. This is your person. While similar to the BFF, the faux partner differs in that friends and family regard you as one unit. They know you really are just pals but its . easier this way. It starts by showing up to (all) events together and transitions into FaceTiming each others families and never ends because one day your future spouses (if you go that route) will invest in a modest commune so nobody ever has to leave.