The Editors of Real Simple - Real Simple find your balance: creating a calm and happier life

REAL SIMPLE

Find Your
Balance

Creating a Calm and Happier Life

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Published by Oxmoor House, an imprint of Time Inc. Books, 225 Liberty Street, New York, NY 10281. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, excepting brief quotations in connection with reviews written specifically for inclusion in magazines or newspapers, or limited excerpts strictly for personal use. Printed in the United States of America.

eISBN: 978-0-84875-770-0

STAFF FOR THIS SPECIAL EDITION

Writer and Editor : Lisa Lombardi

Senior Editor: Betty Wong

Senior Designer: Allison Chi

Project Editor: Tara Stewart Hardee

SENIOR Production Manager: Greg A. Amason

Assistant production Manager: Lauren Moriarty

Copy Editor: Mark Hokoda

Proofreader: Jasmine Hodges

Fellow: Holly Ravazzolo

REAL SIMPLE

Editor in Chief: Leslie Yazel

Executive Creative Director: Rina Stone

Executive Editor: Sara Austin

Executive Managing Editor: Lavinel Savu

E3-20180105-JV-PC

Photography and Illustration Credits

The numbers in this section reference the page numbers of the print version of this text.

Gentl and Hyers/Offset.com, front cover; Vanessa Jackman

CHAPTER 1

Focusing Your Mind

Some days, the mere idea of mindfulness seems like a cruel joke. How can daily lifewith its commuting delays, carpool fails, pop-up ads, and social-media jabsever feel calm? And who can focus when were driven to distraction by alerts and texts and chat messages (or was it an email?!)?

As Seinfelds Frank Costanza, Georges dad, famously pleaded:

Serenity, now !

While perfect immersion in the moment may be the exclusive domain of two-year-olds and Buddhist monks, being a little more zen is within reach for all of us.

And it may be the best thing we can do for ourselves. Learning how to quiet a busy brain brings major health and happiness benefits, according to mounting research. A recent study review of 18,000 people published in JAMA: Internal Medicine revealed that meditation helps alleviate anxiety, depression, and pain. Mindfulness techniques have also been shown to lower blood-sugar levels and reduce insomnia.

Its no wonder that were turning to yoga and meditation like never before. A 2017 study found that the percentage of American workers doing yoga doubled from 2002 to 2012; the practice of meditation also increased during that time. Forward-thinking companies like Google, Apple, and Nike are so sold on the power of mindfulness that they teach it to employees. And thanks to apps like Headspace and Apple Breathe, we can get centered whenever, wherever.

Maybe even right at the kitchen sink. Researchers at Florida State University found that doing ordinary chores like washing dishes mindfully (noticing the soap bubbles, the sound of the water, etc.) made people feel more inspired and less stressed than just zipping through them.

Not a fan of slow housework? No worries; speed-load the dishwasher and move on. The goal is to carve out mindful moments that feel natural to you. Its your mental break, after all.

The Real Secret to Happiness

Nabbing a big promotion or finally getting your dream kitchen doesnt bring lasting bliss. What does? Soaking up more everyday pleasures.

By Ginny Graves

You just closed on the house of your dreams, your Facebook post is blowing up with likesand you scored reservations at the hottest restaurant in town to celebrate. Youre ecstatic, right? Of course you are! Your brain is so lit up with dopamine, a key pleasure chemical, that it looks like a fireworks finale. But will all this make you happier? Sure, but only temporarily (sigh). According to a growing number of experts, those exhilarating, Instagrammable moments dont permanently raise the setting on your day-to-day blissometerand by chasing fleeting highs, you may be missing the opportunity for true joy, with a small j. We live in a culture that tells us were supposed to be euphoric all the time, but that feeling isnt sustainable, says life coach and sociologist Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Own North Star . Happinessreal happinessis quieter and calmer, but that sense of peace is deeply satisfying and can sustain you through lifes challenges. Moreover, true happiness isnt elusive. Its available right now. You just have to know where to look.

Pursue Meaning, Not Happiness

Yes, it sounds downright un-American, but study after study has revealed a surprising truth about the pursuit of happiness: None of the stuff we think will lift our spiritsnew cars, new homes, even winning the lotteryactually does the trick in the long term. Paradoxically, studies have shown that people who have happiness as a goal tend to be less happy, says Susan David, PhD, author of Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life . In 2012, for instance, researchers reported on two studies that showed that wanting to be happy made people lonelier, possibly because striving to elevate your own joy can damage your connection with others. Also, a single-minded focus on positivity may leave you ill-equipped to cope with setbacks and heartbreak, an inevitable part of life.

To avoid that trap, allow happiness to bubble up naturally by pursuing activities that dovetail with your values. Having a strong sense of what matters to you, and letting your values guide your actions, can lead to greater happiness, notes David, who is also a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. To zero in on what you hold sacred, ask yourself, What relationships do I want to build? What do I want my life to be about? If this were my last day on earth, how would I act to make it a great one?

This type of self-reflection helps you make choices that infuse your life with meaning, adds Mallika Chopra, founder of Intent.com and author of Living with Intent: My Somewhat Messy Journey to Purpose, Peace, and Joy . When you feel like youre living with a deeper sense of purpose, youre answering the age-old question Why am I here? she says. Theres nothing more exciting or satisfying than feeling like youve found part of the answer. The beauty of this approach is that you can start making values-driven choices today. While you might link happiness to a future goal (losing 10 pounds, getting married, landing a big job), you dont have to wait for other factors to fall into place to call a friend who is going through a rough patch, email your senator urging her not to cut funding for an important program, or volunteer at a dog shelter. The more you move toward your values, the more vital, meaningful, and happier your life will become, says David.