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THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE SLAVED AWAY IN A KITCHEN PREPARING FOOD, SELFLESSLY AND WITHOUT PRAISE, SO THAT OTHERS MAY ENJOY IT.
FOREWORD
I have never won a Pulitzer, nor the National Book Award, not even the booby prize for Best Book About Pro Wrestling and Pot. But it no longer matters because I have been humbled with the greatest literary accolade of them allDimos Pizza named a pizza after me in honor of one of my books. In the hierarchy of great literary huzzahs, there aint nothin better. The problem, of course, is that I now have little left to live for.
I am from New York and know a few things about pizza. And beginning with my first primitive salvos as a teenaged miscreant, I have personally innovated over 14,000 variations of the toaster oven pizza bagel. But I cannot touch the ingenuity and painterly imagination of Dimitri, the colossal superbrain behind this book and Dimos Pizza. He is like the Jasper Johns of pizza chefs. Or, if you prefer, the Willy Wonka.
Dimitris vision of pizza knows no limits: from his sweet pies (Celias Sweet Peach Cobbler!) to any of his deconstructed dinner pies, because pizza really is a blank canvas upon which to write our dreams in mashed potatoes and gravy.
Did I mention they named a pizza after me? The greatest day of my life! Not even if the Carnegie Deli suddenly got hip and started offering a sandwich of sardines and red onions on pumpernickel rye as The Edison could I possibly be prouder. That the last guy who had a pizza named for him was former WWE Champion CM Punk made it that much sweeter. He sold attitude. The guys who had sammies named after them at the Carnegie sold neuroses.
I was on the road promoting my book Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!a history of sex on the newsstandwhen I got the call from Dimitri telling me that the Dimos brain trust had convened (a powwow that boggles the imagination) and decided that they were going to bestow the honorific totem of a proprietary pizza on me and my book just as soon as I got to Chicago, and that the Dirty Pie would most likely involve sausage of some kind.
Pizza is the food of the people and Dimitri is their Spartacus. Pizza knows no class or race or social status. It is enjoyed by all the citizens of the earth, from presidents and kings to lowly stoners, metalheads, hip-hoppers, punk rockers, Michelin-starred restaurateurs, rule-breaking professional wrestlers and perennially award-winning authors. But who needs literary kudos from a bunch of eggheads when you can have a pizza with your name on it?
In the end, the Mike Edison Dirty Pie evolved from a simple sausage fest to an orgy of Roman proportions, if the Romans had lived in New Orleans. It was a fully realized gumbo pizza with okra, shrimp and andouille sausage, and I am not kidding when I say that seeing my name attached to such genius and putting the thing in my mouth was the greatest thrill of my lifewhat I imagine being the first man on the moon must have been like.
Screw the Pulitzer. Gimme gimme some pizza! God bless Dimos! Gabba gabba hey!
Mike Edison
New York City
Writer and musician Mike Edison is the former publisher of High Times magazine. His books include I Have Fun Everywhere I Go: Savage Tales of Pot, Porn, Punk Rock, Pro Wrestling, Talking Apes, Evil Bosses, Dirty Blues, American Heroes, and the Most Notorious Magazines in the World and Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!: Of Playboys, Pigs, and Penthouse PaupersAn American Tale of Sex and Wonder.
INTRODUCTION
Welcome to an alternate pizzaverse!
Wed rather you not call this a cookbook. To be honest, these recipes are far from complex in the realm of culinary knowledge or cooking techniques. Instead of recipes, consider these pages inspiration for your next party, ammunition to shock your in-laws at the annual holiday gathering, and really good excuses to keep the utensils and plates in the cabinet.
If were really honest, this is more of a look into how we approach our craft. Our mantra: pizza is the food of the people. Its accessible. Its cheap. And most of all, its comforting. We see pizza crust as our canvas for creating and re-creating our favorite meals in new and unthinkable ways. And maybe were gluttons for groupies, but we love the satisfaction of causing a memorable reaction.
Selling pizzas with French fries and macaroni noodles on the regular, weve learned that pizza is kind of a big deal. Over the years, weve come to define a few specific reactions that remind us why we do what we do.
The first is the Silent Admiration. We know weve found a new crustomer for life when we spot this reaction. Its all in the facial expressions. When the silent, glossy-eyed admirer gazes into the syrup-drizzled face of Chicken n Waffles pizza, theres no denying the bond thats just been formed.
The second well affectionately call Earmuffs. Its interesting how pizza with bacon and ranch can somehow bring out the beast in people. All in a flash, we not only just heard words we certainly hadnt planned to hear uttered in public, but these words (wed classify them as N-17 rated adult words) were also in fact describing the very pizza we just made.
The third is the Oh-No-You-Didnt reaction. We always do our best to make every crustomer happy and informed about what they are eating. But in the case of the Oh-No-You-Didnt it seems that with each ingredient we list off, the crustomer gets equally more upset and enticed. This reaction is accompanied by an abundance of knee-slapping, gasping, clapping and usually ends with a, Can I hug the cook?
So whats the point here? Making ridiculously crazy pizza is both delicious and entertaining when shared with others. You never know what reactions youll get when you turn, say, a Reuben sandwich into a pizza (in that case, it was very close to a teary-eyed gasp from a large bearded man).
Onto a slightly less pizza and slightly more business note:
We wouldnt feel right making this book and not sharing a little bit about our business philosophy with you though in truth, thats probably another book in and of itself. If this is your first time meeting us, (nice to meet you!) were a pizza-by-the-slice restaurant from the Windy City with offbeat and unconventional flavors. Were sure youve probably already surmised that much from the title of the book, but you may not have known that were also in the field of building unconventional or nontraditional business practices.