Vitagliano - Born this way: real stories of growing up gay

Copyright 2012 by Paul Vitagliano (DJ Paul V.)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Perez Hiltons story () is reprinted with permission from Marie Claire South Africa; it appeared in the August 2011 issue.

eISBN: 978-1-59474-600-0

Designed by Sugar
Production management by John J. McGurk

Quirk Books
215 Church Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
quirkbooks.com

v3.1

This book is dedicated to my wonderful mom, Irene, (may she rest in peace) and my sisters Andrea and Linda, and everyone who has shared their stories with me and with the world.

I am one of millions of out, proud gay people who didnt choose to be gayI was born this way! I knew by age five that I felt a certain attraction to other boys, but I couldnt describe my feelings. Like many of my generation in the 1970s, I dated girls through high school to fit in, but it never felt natural. I came out to myself at nineteen. At thirty, when I sat my mother down for the Mom, I have something to tell you speech, she didnt blink and said, Are you going to tell me youre gay? I dont think I ever hugged her harder than I did that day. The truth is, our moms always know, even if they dont admit it right away. For me, the hardest part of growing up was feeling like I was the only gay person on the planet and had no one to talk to about it.

I started the Born This Way project to show young gay kids that theyre not alone: many others have gone through everything theyre experiencing now. We must share our stories and pay it forward for future generations. Being gay is as normal and natural as being straight. It is not a choice or a phase, its not something you learn, and its certainly not something that can or should be cured or fixed. All children need love and nurturing and support. And there are so many great resources now for both children and adults, such as PFLAG, GLSEN, The Trevor Project, and It Gets Better. Use those tools and information to talk, communicate, and listen.

Inside this book, youll find stories and photos about growing up gay in all kinds of families, everywhere from London to Mexico City. Youll find every shade of masculine and feminine, and yes, even some stereotypes. What you wont find is the shame that society places on those traits, only self-pride and self-acceptance. Not every boy who plays with dolls or every girl who plays with trucksor exhibits gender-opposite behavioris gay. But you will see that most of the kids in this book knew they were gay at an early age. These children have grown up to be doctors, lawyers, musicians, makeup artists, painters, and poets. Theyre now mothers, fathers, and loving partners. And theyve all made invaluable contributions to the fabric of society.

In the six decades represented in this book, many have gone on to achieve great levels of success in their respective fields. Ive included some of these famous faces of the LGBTQ community to help inspire todays gay youth to strive for their own greatness. Representative Barney Frank (1953) is the first openly gay member of the U.S. Congress and a progressive champion for human rights. Michael Musto (1964) is a television personality and writer known for his column in The Village Voice. Marc Shaiman (1967) is a Tony, Grammy, and Emmy Award winning composer. Actor/comedian Patrick Bristow (1968) has appeared on Ellen, Seinfeld, and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Photographer Mike Ruiz (1968) has shot for Vanity Fair, Elle, and Vogue. Steven Kirkham (1969) is Miss Perfidia, whose wig styling is seen everywhere from Strangers with Candy to The Pee Wee Herman Show on Broadway for HBO. Actor/comedian Frank DeCaro (1969) hosts The Frank DeCaro Show on Sirius XM Satellite Radios OutQ 108l. Billy Brasfield (1970), aka Billy B, is one of the worlds most sought-after makeup artists and a featured judge on Ru Pauls Drag Race.

Musician Andy Bell (1970) is lead singer of Erasure and an ambassador for New Yorks Hetrick-Martin Institute, which provides resources for LGBTQ youth. Kent Fuher (1971) is drag superstar Jackie Beat, and a featured columnist for Frontiers IN LA magazine. Jeffrey Schwarz (1977) is an acclaimed producer and filmmaker. Sia Fuller (1978) is a Grammy nominated singer-songwriter. Bill Coleman (1979) is a club DJ, writer, and music supervisor whose record label features LGBTQ recording artists Cazwell, Amanda Lepore, and the Ones. Clinton Leupp (1979) is activist and drag performer Miss Coco Peru, whose films include To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar. The Lane Twins, Gary and Larry (1980) created the award-winning documentary Hollywood to Dollywood, which chronicles their coming-out story and meeting their idol, Dolly Parton. Sutan Amrull (1982), aka Raja Gemini, is a renowned makeup artist, drag performer, and the Season 3 winner of Ru Pauls Drag Race. Perez Hilton (1983) is a world-famous celebrity blogger. Writer Noah Michelson (1985) is the editor of Gay Voices at the Huffington Post. Journalist Matt Baume (1987) documents the fight for marriage equality at Stop8.org. And Kevin Farrell (1990) cofounded the popular Unicorn Booty website to keep the LGBTQ community connected with pop culture and gay activism. I am thrilled and honored to have all of them included here. But these are only a handful of our many success stories.

We are all here to say to the LGBTQ youth of today: You are a gift to this world. Never let those who bully or taunt you prevent you from being exactly who you are. Yes, it can be tough, and the bullying situation in our schools is something we must work to stop. But your teen years are a mere nanosecond compared to the decades of happiness, joy, and love that will come into your life as a proud, gay adult. This world needs what you add to it, so I implore you never to consider taking your own life. If my book prevents even one life lost, I consider myself blessed.

My closing message is to parents: Understand that your child might be straight or they might be gayand thats OK! So, please, love all your children unconditionally, and nurture and encourage what makes them happy and healthy. Raise them to accept and respect all people, no matter the differences. Teach them that what defines them are their actions and deeds and not their sexuality. And above allno matter the genderteach them that love is love.

Paul V.

One Halloween, our mother dressed up my brother Dennis (