Copyright 2019 by Donna Jacobs.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission of the copyright owner.
ISBN 978-0-9958646-4-1
Published by:
![porterhughescom Illustrations Isaeva Anna lolya1988 Artishok Kovalov - photo 1](/uploads/posts/book/255010/image_rsrcK.jpg)
porterhughes.com
Illustrations Isaeva Anna, lolya1988, Artishok,
Kovalov Anatolii, Nikolaev Art, advent, ARTBALANCE,
iunewind, Eternal Monday / shutterstock.com
Printed in Canada.
First Edition
Visit donnajacobs.ca
BECOMING
YOUR BEST SELF
Healing through self-integration
DONNA JACOBS M.A., C. PSYCH. with SARA GARDNER
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To StevieNot only have you always been the solid ground beneath my feet, but you have also been the wind beneath my wings. Thank you for the ability to rely on you and for helping me soar and grow. Thank you for reading the manuscript and offering your wisdom. You are my perfect partner and my best friend.
To Jamie and TracyYou both share a place in my heart as my two darling daughters and my dearest friends. You have always been my fans and supported my endeavours however wacky they were. Thank you for believing in me.
To my family of originfor providing me with a context to understand my psychology and my adaptations, and to grow from them.
To Suzannemy fearless project leader. Thank you for coming to my workshop, getting inspired, taking me under your wing and convincing me that we had something here that was valuable to pass on. For all your guidance and support and calming influence. I will always credit you as my launching pad.
To SaraYou have been such an integral part of this process. I gave you my creation and you lovingly and skillfully managed to know exactly how to keep the tenor of my voice. Your magic at reworking text, organizing, formatting, and adding story and context have all elevated the book to new heights. I am so grateful to have such an effortless working relationship with you.
To DeirdreI knew what my book looked like before the content was written. I envisioned what the book would feel like to hold, I leafed through the pages in my mind. I was able to see font, white space, pictorial icons and layout. And somehow you must have taken a photograph of the pictures in my mind when I wasnt looking, because your design is my vision. I thank you for your amazing talent.
To all my first draft readers Kyra, Adam, Linda, Lawrence, Ellen. Thank you all so much for so graciously accepting to read the draft. Your time, observations, and input have helped bring us closer to the final product.
To my peer reviewersSteve, Janet and Shelley. Thank you all for taking the time to read the manuscript and give your feedback. You were all an integral part of shaping the finished product with your keen, clinical eyes.
To Melaniemy right-hand gal. You have been with me now for almost a decade and I cant imagine life without you. Thank you for your belief in me and for all the help in supporting this project and compiling the list for the email blast.
To JohnI cant thank you enough for all of the hours you put in to the grammar, syntax and style edit. You laboured over the text with a keen set of eyes.
To all my brave clients both past and current with whom I have had the pleasure and honour to work. You all have helped demonstrate the power of acknowledging the parts in us that need help. Thank you so much for inspiring me and showing me the way. It is because of all of you that this project has come to fruition. I learn from each and every one of you every day. You have provided the heart and soul of the book.
Donna Jacobs, M.A., C PSYCH.
I would like to thank Donna first and foremost for inspiring me to be my best selfboth for those who are in my life but especially for myself. I feel fortunate our paths have crossed, and grateful that you trusted me to help put your ideas to paper. Thank you to Deirdre for elevating our words and ensuring they resonate on the page and linger in our minds. I am forever grateful to Suzanne who encourages us to imagine our brightest dreams and then knows how to help us realize them. Finally, I would like to express gratitude to all my readers who helped me ensure the text did justice to the model, to Joel, Beth, Carrie, Lorraine; and especially to my dad, John Gardner, whose attention to detail and commitment to quality is exacting andin a different wayhas always encouraged me to be my best self.
Sara Gardner
CONTENTS
Introduction
![Searching for Better and where to look Over the past forty years client - photo 2](/uploads/posts/book/255010/image_rsrc3T.jpg)
Searching for Better
(and where to look)
Over the past forty years, client after client has entered my office, sat across from me, andin one way or anotherasked the same question, How can my life be better? Usually they present in a time of crisis. They feel helpless and cant see a way forward. The clouds are heavy, the horizon distant and life is overwhelming.
While I can never alter their life circumstances, I can offer them a gift called agency. When my clients can realize that they already possess the power to alter their life experiences, they have found agency. I help them realize they will effect change in their lives when they understand that they need to shift the questions to, How can I be a better spouse, daughter, son, parent, employee, boss, writer, artist, athlete? How can I be a better human? How can I be a better version of myself?
People come in with confusion, anger, sadness and other emotions they dont know how to negotiate. Despite each of these stories being unique, the journey towards improving their lives involves the same path; one that follows my Self-Integration Model (SIM).
From the information my clients share, I have created personalities for this book. All identifying details have been changed to protect privacy, and their stories have been altered and combined to make entirely new narratives that illustrate our common experiences. Lets meet some of these people whose stories will emerge throughout the text as I explain the model.
Emma is a successful, 44-year-old woman in the midst of her career and raising a family. Nobody would suspect she is profoundly sad. She is beginning to see that she has been living her life for others, compromising her innermost core. She is living a life that checks all the boxes but offers little fulfilment.
Daniel is 37 and wants to understand why he is furious at his father all the time. He says things like, I cant believe the anger I feel inside. He is angry at home and at his children. The slightest incident at work triggers overreactions, which he knows could cost him his job. He knows this has to stop.
Julia , age 25, feels as if she has no control over her life at all. She feels things never go her way, and that somehow her mom is to blame. In fact, she cant even remember a time when she had a good relationship with either of her moms.
Evan is 32 years old and cant seem to keep a relationship. His partners complain that hes aggressive, even abusive. He doesnt feel as though hes doing anything wrong, but he cant seem to make anything work. He wants help, but at the same time he doesnt actually believe anyone can help him.
Angie , 21, feels that her life is always being derailed. She is certain that if anything bad is going to happen, it will happen to her. She has closed herself off from the possibility of positivity.
These individuals always present with pain, with challenges seemingly so insurmountable they feel they cannot move forward on their own, and desperately want to change the direction their lives are taking. They have come to my office looking for a solution, for something that will improve their lives. As we work together, I am able to show them that what they are looking for, they already possess. They will uncover their own best selves as they practise integrating their lived experiences with their learned behaviours. As they apply this Model to their lives, they will begin to present a better version of themselves to the world.