Marisa Zeppieri - Chronically Fabulous: Finding Wholeness and Hope Living with Chronic Illness

Marisa Zeppieri

Minneapolis

CHRONICALLY FABULOUS

Finding Wholeness and Hope Living with Chronic Illness

Copyright 2021 Marisa Zeppieri. Printed by Broadleaf Books, an imprint of 1517 Media. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Email or write to Permissions, Broadleaf Books, PO Box 1209, Minneapolis, MN 55440-1209.

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (CEV) are from the Contemporary English Version Copyright 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by Permission.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Cover image: Frank Puglissi Restagno

Cover design: James Kegley

Interior photography: Marisa Zeppieri; iStock

Print ISBN: 978-1-5064-6411-4

eBook ISBN: 978-1-5064-6412-1

While the author and 1517 Media have confirmed that all references to website addresses (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing, URLs may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.

Dad,

May we see each other in eternity, to spend the time we missed here on earth.

There are two kinds of pain in this world: pain that hurts, and pain that alters.

Denzel Washington

W hen I was twenty-two years old, taking an afternoon stroll in North Miamis Aventura Mall, a raven-haired elderly lady veered past a small crowd and made her way over to me. Everything about her radiated free spirit: a colorful headscarf, a flowing dress with multiple layers of lace, and long, vibrant, jeweled necklaces that danced around her upper body as she moved. I was startled when she stopped directly in front of me and looked me in the eyes. Gently taking my hands, she said, God will use these hands to change peoples lives. She made the visionary statement with complete certainty.

Today when I think about that moment, I realize I never answered her. In my surprise at her unbidden declaration, I could only stare into her deep caramel-colored eyes and nod my head up and down in appeasing agreement. Though it seemed like a random event at first, I couldnt stop thinking about this woman and what she said as I drove back home that day.

At the time, I was already several years into a college program to earn my registered nursing degree. I had a life plan. This plan was on a schedule and offered me stability, financial freedom, and a meaningful outlet for one of my greatest passionshelping people.

Nursing checked all the boxes. Sure, I would use my hands to hang IVs, deliver medication, and offer someone comfort by holding theirs during a challenging moment or eternal transition, but my gut told me this strangers message held a deeper meaningthat my hands would be used to provide guidance and comfort in a way that didnt involve nursing.

The moment of meeting her was striking, though after years passed, I forgot the message and the messenger. Coming out of a season of complete brokenness, the life plan I had so meticulously created ended in a set of unforgettable moments. And instead of becoming a nurse and working in the medical field to save the lives of others, it took an extraordinary team of nurses and medical personnel to save my own life.

Now that one sentence spoken to me by a complete stranger took on an entirely different meaning for my life.

What began as a day of errands and work on a breathtaking April Sunday in 2001 ended in my fight for survival. Two events lined up at the exact moment on that day: a drunk driver (also under the influence of drugs) in a pickup truck and me, a pedestrian, barely weighing in at one hundred pounds, crossing a street. And for reasons I believe are far greater than we humans can understand, my body and the frame of that Ford Ranger traveling around forty-five miles per hour collided just after 7 p.m. in downtown Fort Lauderdale.

One drunk driver on drugs.

One truck.

One moment.

That is all it took to forever alter the course of my life. To crush my body. And to rip me away from the dreams and goals that fueled my waking hoursand the independence I sought.

The event broke me in every way you can possibly imagine. During my yearlong recovery, and for some time after, I dealt with the impact of that single moment, physically overcoming broken ribs, internal bleeding, a fractured pelvis, a multilacerated liver, and a head injury. The cumulative impact required months of rehab for me to begin walking again. Emotionally, the struggle continued well beyond the many grueling daily hours of rehab as feelings of frustration, bitterness, anger, and depression took hold. I daily battled PTSD, and spiritually, I was on a desperate search for answers.

Why did this happen?

Why did I survive?

How did I survive?

And how will I move forward?

As I watched so much of my hard work and many of my dreams come to an unexpected and abrupt end, I questioned whether there could be something bigger than myself at work.

Many of us experience seasons of brokenness in our lives. Yours may not have been triggered by three thousand pounds of steel barreling toward you, but the impact was likely just as crushing, just as traumatic. Life will hit us with different seasons that knock us to the ground, leaving us battered, bruised, and feeling empty.

No one is exempt.

We battle with illness and loneliness, divorce, death of our loved ones, our identity, infertility, financial ruin, accidents, and chronic illness, as well as other challenges that are societal, environmental. Lifes trials often leave us with mascara-stained cheeks and swollen lips, our faces buried in our bedroom pillows. In that brokenness, we often feel completely helpless. And it can be hard to recognize in the midst of this brokenness that what we do in these moments, when the world seems dark and we feel completely alone, will shape our beliefs and ultimately our legacy.

Unlike other difficult times, this season of brokenness was one of the most difficult I ever faced, and it brought me to the end of myself. And it may sound odd, but its also something for which I am eternally grateful. Coming to the end of myself forced me to purge self-sufficiency and recognize that something much greater than myself was at work in my life. It turned my young mind from being obsessed with life planning and a career and directed it toward a higher purpose.

That fateful April day, I found myself suddenly trapped. Anger and bitterness began to take root; crippling, PTSD-fueled anxiety attacks spawned out of nowhere. Losing my independence and having to solely rely on others because of the physical injuries I endured put me over the edge.