Tammi Kirkness - The Panic Button Book: Relieve Stress and Anxiety Whenever They Strike

Text copyright 2020 by Tammi Kirkness

Design copyright 2020 by Murdoch Books

First published in 2020 by Murdoch Books, an imprint of Allen & Unwin

All rights reserved

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to or to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 3 Park Avenue, 19th Floor, New York, New York 10016.

hmhbooks.com

Cover design by Michaela Sullivan

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available

ISBN 978-0-358-52594-3

eISBN 978-0-358-52599-8
v1.0920

This book is dedicated to the one in four people who will experience anxiety in their lives.

My wish is that you recognize how magnificent your brain is, how much bravery your heart holds, and that you get to experience what it feels like to go with the flow.

This book is also dedicated to all the people who know and love these courageous individuals.

I wish you a lifetime of compassion, inner strength, and the confidence to support those around you.

For as long as I can remember I was an overthinker, over-analyzer, and perfectionist. It turns out that these attributes formed part of something referred to as high-functioning anxiety. I was a master at striving for results, feeding off recognition, and looking like I was blitzing lifeall the while running on a nervous energy that simply wouldnt shift.

When I was single, it was easy for me to hide my symptoms and my worries. If I was feeling like I couldnt breathe, I could skip after-work drinks. If I was replaying a conversation over and over in my head, I could stay in the shower until it started to abate.

But then I got into a relationship with a beautiful man whom I eventually moved in with and then married. Once I had someone around all the time, I couldnt hide in quite the same way. If I was close to hyperventilating, he would notice. If I got teary because I was struggling to pick what to wear to a casual lunch, hed ask questions.

It culminated one day when I had a very tearycouldnt breathe, couldnt move my bodypanic attack and he didnt know what to do. He looked terrified and I hated that. I was stuck on one of our kitchen stools with tears running down my face, completely incapacitated, and I was trying to send him mental messages on what to do. My brain was screaming at him to cover me in a heavy blanket. To not take his hand off my arm. To not try to lie me down. To play my favorite calming song. To help me to breathe. To not expect me to use the tissue hed given me because my arms had forgotten how to move. That if he thought it was a good idea to relocate me from the kitchen stool, hed have to carry me.

I wished for a normal version of myself standing close by, to walk us both through what I needed. I felt awful that he felt so helpless.

A few weeks later, when I was in a much calmer headspace, I wrote down all the scenarios that related to my anxiety and created a set of instructions that I could pick up if I felt panicky or worried.

Essentially, I created this book.

I knew that when I was feeling good I could easily instruct myself on how to keep my cool, but when I was feeling anxious, the rational part of my brain was blocked. Once I saw how much it helped me, I knew that I had to make it available for others.

Part of being a deep thinker led me to crave understanding about why people are the way they are; what makes them worry and what leads them to happiness. This curiosity steered me to a lifelong love affair with understanding people. My insatiable appetite inspired me to study psychology, yoga teaching, energy-based modalities, and coaching. I studied in ashrams, at university, with monks in the south of India; after a stint in the human resources arena, I converted this knowledge to running a life coaching and corporate wellness practice.

Anxiety comes in many flavors. Some of us have had a lifetime of secretly struggling, while looking like were achieving our way through life. Others have talked openly about their fears and worries. Some have used medication; some havent. But anyone who has been touched personally by anxiety can understand the stomach-twisting, leg-paralyzing, stuck-in-your-throat feeling of fear.

I believe that people with anxiety are some of the strongest, most courageous people on the planet. Despite feeling as though theres serious danger in the room, they often pull themselves together and put on a brave face.

If you are the brave person who worries all the time, I see you. I honor your efforts and hope that this book brings you a space of neutral emotions (or even positive ones) when youre feeling stuck, paralyzed, or frozen.

Are you feeling responsible for the world right now? Are your muscles tense? Are you struggling to switch off from work?

Are you dreading an event? Nervous about crowds? Have a difficult conversation coming up? Need to give a speech?

Are you upset with your partner? Communication breakdown? Bedroom shyness? Concerned your partner might leave you?

Are you worried youre not doing it right? Tired? Feeling judged? Trying to be everything to everyone?

Dont know where to start?

> Start right here and turn the page

Worry and anxiety will impact everybody at some point. If youre currently experiencing fear, worry, or anxiety, turn the page to hit the panic button and begin.

Are your muscles feeling tense?

Sit down

Take a deep breath into your SHOULDERS and consciously relax them as you exhale.

Take a deep breath into your CHEST and consciously relax it as you exhale.

Take a deep breath into your JAW and consciously relax it as you exhale.

Take a deep breath into your EYEBROWS and consciously relax them as you exhale.

Take a deep breath into your NECK and consciously relax it as you exhale.

Inhale deeply and release any remaining tension.

Are you feeling easily startled?

Stand up and move yourself to a quiet location, ideally on your own.

Breathe in for four seconds.

Hold your breath in for four seconds.

Exhale for four seconds.

Hold your breath out for four seconds.

Repeat this four times.

If you will be around other people for the rest of the day, say to them, I wanted to give you a heads-up that Im feeling pretty jumpy today. It would really help me if you do your best to act calmly and avoid making loud noises for the rest of the day.

It is likely that you are experiencing hypervigilance: a feeling of heightened alertness and edginess. This causes increased sensitivity; for example, you may feel jumpy at loud noises or touches to the skin. Box breathing, the technique described here, was developed as a way to reduce these symptoms.

Does it feel like your heart is racing?

Straighten your spine.

Put your shoulders back.

Breathe in through your nose.

Breathe out through your mouth.

Repeat three times.

Inhale deeply.

Exhale all overactivity in your chest.

Are you worrying about something thats outside your control?

Get out a pen and paper.

In two bullet point lists, write down what you can and cant control in this situation.