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Interior and Cover Designer: Regina Stadnik
Photo Art Director/Art Manager: Sara Feinstein
Editor: Morgan Shanahan and Anne Lowrey
Production Editor: Ashley Polikoff
All illustrations used under license from iStock.com and Shutterstock.com
courtesy of A. Justin Alderfer
ISBN: Print 978-1-64739-635-0 | eBook 978-1-64739-636-7
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For Justin and Rafael, who inspire me every day. I love you both more than pizza. (But its close.)
And for all the working moms out therewhether youre working to feed your family or to feed your soulI see you.
CONTENTS
W hen I arrived at my office on my first day back at work after my son was born, I discovered an outpouring of text messages from my incredible friends, most of them working moms who had already lived through their first day back. The messages of support, Youve got this! and Have a great dayyour little guy is so loved and cared for right now, got me through that very tough day. And then came the next day (and weeks... and months). I didnt know what to do with the mixed bag of emotions I was carrying with me, and I was wholly unprepared for the tug-of-war that I was about to enter between my working life and my home life.
As I set out to write this book, I wanted to create the road map I wished I had been given to help me navigate the emotions, politics, and logistics of being a working mom. Every article I saw online basically just said, Youre doing great, mama!... but I didnt believe it. It felt like empty encouragement from Instagram influencers selling the idea that all moms are great momsjust by virtue of being oneand deserve bubble baths, pedicures, and wine. What was I doing wrong to feel like I wasnt succeeding enough at home or at work? Plus, who has time for pedicures? And bubble baths are nice and all, but I dont really feel like having to get on my hands and knees to scrub the tub clean for a few minutes of relaxation. Self-care sounded an awful lot like chores.
I decided it was time to write honestly about what it means to be a parent who works. I talked to a lot of working mothers, from all different work backgrounds and life experiences. This book is for everyone, from the retail associate to the CEO, from single parents carrying the load to couples with a live-in village of support. Every story helped inform what I hope will be a handy guidebook for navigating your own experience of working parenthood. Im not a parenting expert. Im just a working mom who tries to make the best choices for myself, my family, and my career every day.
After the birth of my son, I suffered from postpartum anxiety, which was exacerbated by the fact that I had to go back to work. As much as I loved my job before I became a mom, I wanted more time to figure things out before I went back to it. But like a lot of moms, my family needed the income and health insurance my job provided. Eventually, I got back into the swing of things at work, and got more used to the idea of leaving my baby. Even then, I felt like I became invisible at work. I was having a hard time advancing my career while my childless peers were making upward strides. With the added expenses that come along with a new baby, my husband and I were both working so hard just to stay afloat that we werent really getting to see our baby a whole lot. There was definitely a deficit in the life part of the work-life balance. The path we were on was unsustainable, especially when I felt so unsatisfied at work.
We decided it was time for a big change, and so we took a leap of faith in ourselves and our family. We sold our home in Los Angeles and left behind our jobs (mid-career!), our friends, and everything we knew, and moved to the suburbs outside of Atlanta. There we could afford, at least for a while, to be a one-income family while I figured out what was next for me. As it turns out, my next chapter was staying home with my 18-month-old in a town where I had no village, no community, and no lifeline.
It was tough. I loved having time with my son, but the days were long and lonely with my husband working long hours. After almost a year of not working (for the first time in my adult life), and getting my son acclimated to our new home, I was hungry for more. We found an amazing preschool for my son, who was now two years old, and, after dipping my toes back into the work space with some freelance editing from home, I managed to find a job that challenges me, offers great benefits for my family, and has clear opportunities for advancement. Yes, the anxiety was still there, and leaving my son when he was a toddler was just as hard as leaving him when he was a newborn, but it was also great to get back into the working world and feel a little more like myself.
At the beginning of this books journey, I had it all figured out. I was able to manage my time between my full-time job, having a very active toddler at home, and making time for my marriage and myself. Between preschool, the help of a wonderful part-time babysitter, and a work schedule that allowed me to spend some afternoons with my family, I was still able to carve out writing time and even managed to be around for bedtime stories and snuggles. I was crushing this whole working-mom thing.
