Elsa Kok Colopy - 99 Ways to Fight Worry and Stress  

I wish I could say I handle stress and worry with ease. Two years ago I would have told you that I could handle most anything thrown my way. Im strong. I work out. I eat oatmeal and pray nearly every day. What more does one need to face the hard times?

Then life came. I had a kidney go bad and required nine hours of surgery to get back on track. A few months later, I was in a bad car wreck. Then my husband lost his job, my daughters appendix ruptured, and we moved across the country. Then there was the small stress of trying to sell a house in a pitiful economy, even as we moved into a two-bedroom apartment with what Im certain was a rock band (and their roadies) living above us. Then just to keep things interesting, our adult son moved back in with us and is, as I write these words, in need of a kidney transplant. My husband will be the donor. I dont feel so invincible anymore.

I need more than oatmeal and exercise. I need tools. I need day-to-day coping-with-life tools so I dont follow through on my temptation to move to the mountains with twenty pounds of chocolate, a few warm blankets, and an armload of romantic comedies.

I figure you understand my pain. You wouldnt have picked up this book if you didnt have your own litany of life stuffthings you never expected to happenworries, fears, heartbreak, stress over finances, marriages, kids, illness.

So join me. Join me as I investigate healthy ways to handle the worry and productive ways to walk through the stress. And maybe together we can move forward, not into our hiding places of choice, but through this season into hope, with smiles on our faces.

A friend loves at all times.
P ROVERBS 17:17

I prefer to keep my worries private. Its my pride that gets in the way. It feels more comfortable to be little known and viewed as strong than to be exposed. And yet I face a difficult season ahead. Health concerns are at the forefront. Financial strain weighs heavy. Other worrisome circumstances litter the horizon, and I have come to one conclusion: I cannot do this alone. It will be tough to call a friend when Im stressed, but Ill do it. I dont want to run to unhealthy hiding places, so I need the strong shoulders of safe friends more than ever.

You may identify. If so, read on. Here are some practical ways to build friendship and then lean on those you come to trust.

If I dont set up a time to connect with my friends, it simply wont happen. The passing Lets do lunch usually means Lets not do lunch, were both too busy.

So Ive learned a better way. My friend Jennifer is one of the strong shoulders I lean on. We have to set a weekly time to talk. Sure, weve fallen off the wagon and gone weeks without connecting, but we rearrange life to make it work. Weve actually determined that the best way to stay in each others worlds is to talk at 5:30 a.m. on Thursday mornings. My friend Lauriza meets me for lunch every other Monday. I meet with Michelle on alternating Tuesday mornings for coffee. Ive found that I have to be strategic in building friendshipsotherwise moments, heartaches, and celebrations are lost as I plow forward through my calendar.

Dont hesitate to get organized when it comes to connecting with friends. Creating a network of support requires effort.

My seventeen-year-old daughter, Sam, told me the other day, I have only one best friend, Mom. She is all I need. Not twenty-four hours later, her only best friend started going out with a boy. Suddenly Sam had a wide-open gap in her social calendar and a busy signal when she wanted to talk. Life felt very lonely. The same thing can happen to us. We need more than one close friend.

Its healthy and appropriate to have a few different friends to lean on throughout the stressful seasons of our lives. My husband has a friend he meets with for coffee, another with whom he climbs mountains. He also has some e-mail prayer buddies and an accountability partner.

If you have only one friend as your sole support, take a moment to think of one other person you would enjoy spending time with. Pick up the phone and set up a lunch. Its that easy to begin building a network.

Is your calendar full over the next few months? Mine too. But if you pull it out right now, pick a weekend two months out, and plan in advance, you can set up a great girls or guys weekend getaway. Life will come at you either way, stressful situations will mount up, but if you have a time of refreshment scheduled, youll be that much better prepared to handle the hardships.

You dont have to spend a lot of money eitherlots of churches and retreat centers offer discounted rooms for those in the midst of a difficult season. Head off into the hills with someone you trust, take a hike, journal your thoughts, engage in conversation. Do something that will take you out of your current environment and place you in an out-of-the-way spot where you can focus on one of the great delights of lifefriendship.

Since Ive written the introduction to this book, weve moved. We moved from a two-bedroom to a three-bedroom apartment to accommodate our adult son moving in with us. It was a short-notice move, and I was embarrassed to invite friends over to help. I didnt want them to see the dust behind the television or the four boxes of half-used open spaghetti boxes in my cupboard. Id had friends help me move before, but only after everything was boxed and tidy.

But I needed help.

Seven folks showed up, including spouses of friends. In other words, a few people I didnt even know! I was mortified by the dust bunnies and sticky refrigerator door but they were not. They pitched in with smiles, loading boxes and food, cleaning out the old place and setting up the new one. It made the job a thousand times easier, and shockingly, not one of them shunned me for my frivolous spaghetti usage or my dust-bunny village.