Elsa Kok Colopy - The Single Moms Guide to Keeping It All Together

The Single Moms
GUIDE
to Keeping It All
Together

Elsa Kok Colopy

2006 by Elsa Kok Colopy

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

E-book edition created 2010

ISBN 978-1-4412-1250-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Previously published in 2006 as The Single Moms Guide to Finding Joy in theChaos

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.

To my teenager who was once
a preschoolerSam Kelly Lynch.
Life with you is a sweet adventure.

And to my husband, Brian Colopy,
who has added (in wonderful ways)
to the joyful chaos of our world.

Contents

I can almost picture you. You have a touch of peanut butter in your hair, a smudge of grease on your cheek, and more than one broken fingernail. Youre tired and probably hungry. And the last time you did something for yourself was when you bought this bookeight months ago.

I understand! I was a single mother for twelve years. My daughter is thirteen years old, and Im just now getting the peanut butter out of my hair. Its been an incredible run, and I know that I still have some of the best years ahead of me.

I can tell you this: my daughter did survive the preschool years. She not only survived, she seemed to laugh pretty regularly, to create with abandon, and to learn most of the English language. As a mom, I sometimes did things well. Sometimes I fell flat on my face. I read to her every night but had no patience when she was hyper. I loved to play with her but on many days simply didnt have the energy. I made good decisions and bad ones. I climbed in and out of debt and worked all types of hours, from full-time plus to part-time. I did day care, pre-preschool, and preschool. And I learned.

This book deals with many of the things I encountered as a single parent of a preschooler. I talk about play, learning, discipline, and imagination. For you, I share tips on relationships, budgeting, friendships, and dreaming big. Within each chapter youll find help with parenting your preschooler and tips for keeping your own sanity. At the end of each chapter you will discover some extra resources that deal specifically with that topicjust in case you find some more time to read.

But first, before you even begin, I have something to tell you. You are amazing! You have one of the hardest jobs on the face of the earth. Youre in charge of finances, discipline, love, laughter, household chores, dishes, laundry, dinners, kitchen floors, bedrooms... the list goes on. I get tired just writing about it! You have to keep your cool, you have to be responsible, you have to be Mom. You are a hero! And you have my utmost respect.

My guess is that you may not feel the same way. Youre probably pretty hard on yourself. Instead of thinking about the thousand things you get done, you focus on the few that you missed. So hear me on thisthis book is not allowed to induce guilt. Its meant to be an encouragement. Every chapter deals with a different subject, but that does not mean you have to incorporate all twenty chapters into your daily life over the next six weeks. These are points to think about. Read the chapter, and if it applies to one of your dire needs, address it. If it deals with something that you are already doing, or that you dont need help with, then move on with a smile. But whatever you do, dont allow it to be another piece of baggage to add to your load.

I want to encourage you to consider reading this book with a friend. There are so many things to think about, you may find it helpful to bounce ideas off another single mom. In fact, you can get together and let the kids play while you have some time to yourselves. This alone will do you a world of good.

I want you to know that I will be praying for you. I will pray for strength, for encouragement, for hope. I will pray that you will find what you need within these pages and that you will feel equipped to carry out your role as a single mom. Your life is a testimony to so much good. You are a survivor, a fighter, the woman in charge. I wonder if you see the beauty, resilience, and strength that come from this season of life. I pray that you will, even as you continue through these pagesfor you are beautiful, friendpeanut-butter clumps, greasy smudges, and all.

Warmly,
Elsa

Part 1
Relationships 101

Friendship

It was hard for me to control my laughter. Sami was straddling the ottoman, her little feet dangling off the edge. Im gonna catch you!

Her friend Amanda squealed and pretended to gallop away. You are not! she yelled as she crawled quickly and hid behind the curtain.

Sami jumped off her pretend horse and, with all her four-year-old might, she pushed it a few inches. Then she jumped back on. Im coming fast now!

She jumped off again and pushed it another few inches. Amanda squealed louder. You cant catch meIm a superhorse!

Oh yeah? Sami said, going through her whole routine again. Look how fast Im coming!

Amanda crawled out from behind the corner and giggled. Youre not coming very fast at all; I think your horse is a slowpoke!

Sami climbed off and looked at the ottoman. She pushed it; it only moved a few inches. Youre right, she said. Ill just chase you myself!

With that the girls ran up the stairs, squealing and giggling louder than ever.

I couldnt help but laugh as I watched them. Two beautiful girls totally consumed in chasing each other with an ottoman. I mean, when was the last time Id straddled a piece of furniture and giggled my way through the afternoon? And I loved hearing Sami laugh. It did my heart good to know she was enjoying a friend on a Saturday afternoon. It made our family feel normal in a way I couldnt really define.

Later that night, Sami curled up beside me during our bedtime snuggle. I had so much fun today, Mommy. Amanda is my best friend in the whole world. Thanks for letting her come over.

Moments later, as I sneaked out of the room and shut off the light, Sami was sleeping soundly, a smile on her face. This had been a good day.

Friendships Matter

Sometimes getting our kids connected to their friends takes a lot of effort. Here are some thoughts to help inspire you on the way.

Friendships foster laughter. Sami and I always put a high priority on laughter, but sometimes the tasks of life take over and life gets altogether too serious. Saturday chores replace Saturday tickles. Getting things done becomes the highlight of the day. Because much of our time is structured, playtime with friends (with no particular agenda) doesnt come around as often as I like. But when it does, when we make it a point to invite a child over (even now that Samis a teenager), their giggles seem to light up the house in a way housecleaning never does. Think about it: single-parent homes can easily fall into the too-serious categoryand not without good reason. Theres much to do and only one adult to take care of it all. But kids do need to be kids. It does them so much good to think about nothing more than how to make an inanimate object animate, to create a story out of pebble figures, or to giggle loudly and with abandon.