Israel Wayne - Raising Them Up: Parenting for Christians

First printing: April 2020
Second printing: June 2022

Copyright 2020 by Israel Wayne. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations in articles and reviews. For information write:

New Leaf Press, P.O. Box 726, Green Forest, AR 72638

New Leaf Press is a division of the New Leaf Publishing Group, Inc.

ISBN: 978-0-89221-765-6

Digital ISBN: 978-1-61458-749-1

Library of Congress Number: 2020934456

Cover by Diana Bogardus

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted NKJV are from the New King James Version, copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted NIV are from the New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations noted NLT are from the New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted NASB are from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations noted KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

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Contents

"As a father of five, I've read my fair share of parenting books in my lifetime. Raising Them Up: Parenting for Christians is definitely not the best one ever written on the subject. That top spot, of course, is reserved for the Bible. But outside of God's Word, you would be hard-pressed to find very many books on parenting that are as insightful, practical, balanced, bold, winsome, gracious, truth-filled, and well-written as this masterpiece. And that's because it stays tenaciously faithful to the best one ever writtenand because my good friend, Israel, is a passionate lover and follower of its Author. I laughed, I cried, I repented, I rejoiced, I grew, and when I finished it, I enthusiastically exclaimed to my family, 'I can't wait to read it again, and to tell all our friends about it!' Experience it for yourself, and I'm certain you'll be declaring the same."

Emeal ("E.Z.") Zwayne, President, Living Waters

"Having read countless UN-helpful books for parents, I know a good parenting book when I read one. Israel's latest is one such book. Get it, Apply it. And watch God sweeten your home."

Todd Friel, Host of Wretched TV and Radio

"Just when I thought nothing could top his last book, Israel Wayne has penned another masterpiece! Addressing a wide range of the some of the most difficult issues parents face, Raising Them Up offers biblical principles, wise counsel, and practical solutions. This gem of a book is one you'll refer to again and again for Christ-centered parenting."

Ginger Hubbard, best-selling author of Don't Make Me Count to Three and I Can't Believe You Just Said That!

Introduction

A lady approached me at a conference recently, picked up a copy of one of my books, and asked, Is this book focused more on the big picture, or is it practical and how-to? I told her it was both but that it focused more on the macro-view, with micro-application. She said, Oh, Im not interested then. I dont care why my child behaves the way he does, I just want something that will fix the problem. I tried to explain to her that we will approach treatment differently based on what we believe is causing the problem. If our childs leg hurts, it matters drastically whether he or she has broken a bone or been stung by a wasp. Giving him or her a tranquilizer may numb the pain, but the cause really does make a difference.

After some conversation, I told her, The way you describe what you are looking for makes me think of someone who is obsessed with knowing how to drive a new car. They want to learn about the wipers, the radio, the brakes, the windows, the seat controls, and the rearview mirror. Finally, they say, I have this car figured out! Im ready to drive! We may ask, Where are you going? to which they may reply, Oh, that doesnt matter. I just want to drive. It doesnt matter where. For me, as a parent, destination is of utmost importance. Eternity in heaven with my Lord and Savior is the goal that I have for each of my ten children. It matters very much where this car is headed.

In this book, I will be focusing primarily on the big picture. I believe parenting is a lot like a thousand-piece puzzle. Most parents have the pieces all spread out on the table; they just need help putting them together. They know a lot of Bible verses, but they dont have a biblical theology of parenting. Its my ambition to show them the box top.

Im going to shoot straight with you right from the beginning. The book that most parents need is not the one they are looking for. Most parents want a book that will fix their child in three easy steps, in 30 days (or less). While understandable, this expectation is wrongheaded and will never work. The problem lies far more with us, the parents, than it does with our child. If we dont understand that truth, we will only remain frustrated and disappointed with our child.

Jesus explained the situation this way:

Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher. Why do you see the speck that is in your brothers eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye, when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brothers eye (Luke 6:39b42).

Parenting is discipleship. Your child is learning from you. You are the teacher. Far more is caught than taught in parenting. Children listen to what you say, but they watch how you live. When you are slack in dealing with character issues in your own life, it short circuits your ability to effectively reach your childs heart. You can be so focused on helping your child with his or her speck that you dont realize he or she is tuning you out because all the child can see is the beam protruding from your own proverbial eye. Like it or not, the problem is almost always with us, not ultimately with our children.

The far greater need is to fundamentally change our own hearts and minds as parents. As a principle, that simply MUST happen before any change will come for our youth. But authors know that suggesting the parent is the one who needs to change the most is offensive to most readers. Books that focus more on the parent than the child arent popular and wont sell well. So, such books go unwritten. Instead, we have lots of cheerleader books that tell you what a great job you are doing. Or titles full of behavior modification techniques that are supposed to train our children to have good manners. With enough tips, tricks, and methods, it is believed we can modify our childs behavior to become socially acceptable. Perhaps we can learn the perfect approach to timeouts, or some magic cure that will solve bickering, sibling rivalry, laziness, backtalking, media addiction, lying, stealing, bad attitudes, apathy, angry outbursts, rebellion, inattention, or any other number of fruits that annoy, inconvenience, and embarrass us. Sadly, most books focus on trimming the branches and never really get to the heart of the matter (the roots). Therefore, even after the parent has finished reading the popular parenting book, all the behavioral issues in the children stay the same (or get worse) despite lots of pontification on the topic.