Leman - Parenting Your Powerful Child
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Every family has a powerful child... or two.
Some are easy to pick out
you can hear them from way down the block.
Others you may not recognize as powerful,
but theyre master manipulators.
But you, smart parent that you are,
can learn how to transform your childs power surges into
positive urges that will benefit everyone in your family
(and a whole lot of other grateful people
in your childs world too).
2013 by Dr. Kevin Leman
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-4280-8
To protect the privacy of those who have shared their stories with the author, some details and names have been changed.
Cover
Prologue
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction: Is Your Kid Powering Up?
Its time to take the buzzard by the beak.
1. The Anatomy of a Powerful Child
Powerful kids dont just happen; theyre created.
2. Power Comes in Different Packages
Your personal power source is right under your nose... and shes workin ya.
3. The Loud, Aggressive, Temperamental, Curveball Manipulator
This powerful child is easy to spotyou can hear him from across the yard. So can your elderly neighbors.
4. The Quiet, Shy, Sensitive, Walk-on-Eggshells Manipulator
You may not recognize this child as powerful, but she quietly holds all the cards... until you decide to play your hand differently.
5. The Stubborn, Procrastinating Manipulator
This child has a powerful MO and a very good rationale for it.
6. What Do Genes Have to Do with It?
Check out the personalities in the nursery, and you can predict what each kid will be like in 5, 10, 15 years.
7. What Does Environment Have to Do with It?
All children develop a screenplay on lifeand how they fit infrom 18 months on.
8. Raising Attila the Hun
Why parents unwittingly create powerful children... and what you can do about it.
9. Why Kids Misbehave
Dont let those cherublike faces fool you. Your smart kids have goals.
10. The Attention-Getting Kid
What you can do differently to ratchet down your (and their) stress.
11. Power-Driven or Determined?
How to know the difference and what you can do to successfully maneuver the power surges in your home.
12. Youre the Adult, Theyre the Children
That powerful child has everything to do with you, your background, and your views of parenting.
13. What Kind of Kid Do You Want?
Win-win suggestions to get you from where you are to where you want to be.
14. Grace-Based Parenting
For the prodigal in your life.
15. Rewiring Your Home
What you used to say, and what youll say now that you know all of your childs strategies.
16. Redirecting the Power Surge
How to encourage positive goals and show your kids that they can use their drive for power for a good purpose.
Conclusion: You Can Do It!
Dont forget the fun. The family that plays together stays together.
Top 10 Power Points
Notes
About Dr. Kevin Leman
Resources by Dr. Kevin Leman
Back Ads
Back Cover
To my editor, Ramona Cramer Tucker, a discerning mom to multitalented Kayla and a relentless powerhouse determined to make a difference in the world.
To my Revell editor, Lonnie Hull DuPont, who believes in this author and encourages my individual bent, even when its more bent than she bargained for.
To my project editor, Jessica English, whose new last name matches her precise skills.
Is Your Kid Powering Up?
Its time to take the buzzard by the beak.
Every family has a powerful kid.
Hes the one who flings himself in the door, demands the car keys, and then argues with you that his trip to his buddys to practice basketball is more important than your trip to the grocery store.
Shes the one who, at 2 years old, stomped her foot and said, Do it by self.
Hes the one who drags his feet and cant find things as youre trying to get him out the door to school so you can go to work.
Shes the one the principal calls about, because shes been caught writing unacceptable emails.
Hes the one who says hell take out the trash but never manages to do it.
Shes the one who disses you at Target, then expects you to buy her the hottest new shirt.
Hes the one who talks back, no matter what you say.
Shes the one you sigh over at night.
Hes the one you worry about when its 1:00 a.m. and he still hasnt checked in.
Shes the one whos so sensitive that the entire family walks on eggshells around her.
Hes the one whos even more stubborn than you are.
Do any of these sound familiar?
If so, you of all people can understand that theres a reason some animal mothers eat their young.
Power can come from a lot of places and can look different in the ways it plays out, but the effect on the child, you, and your entire family is the same. Heres what I mean.
When my kids were littleI have five of them, spread across a wide age gapI loved making even the shortest car trips fun. It helped that my kids were young enough to be gullible. For example, when wed drive up to a red light, Id lean over and give a little puff , and the light would magically change to green. The kids were amazed at the power of their dad. Of course, they didnt know that Id been watching the light from the perpendicular direction change to yellow, so I knew ours would become green at that very instant.
On those car trips, wed frequently pass by a power plant in Tucson, Arizona. The first time, the kids asked, Oh, Dad, whats that?
The hamburger factory, I quipped.
Ooohhh, they said in unison awe.
They called it that for a long time.
You see how much power parents have?
But so did that power plant. It wasnt very big, but wow, look at all the houses, businesses, and streetlights that were powered by that seemingly small unit!
Its the same with your powerful child. Heno matter what age or stageis powerfully affecting much more than you think. Hes the child who is orchestrating your entire household by his anticsor the fear of his antics. Shes the one who so frustrates you that you take it out on other family members because you dont want to face a blowout with her. Its simply too exhausting. So that powerful 2-year-old, 5-year-old, 8-year-old, 11-year-old, 15-year-old, or 19-year-old is controlling all your family as a result.
Thats why now is the time to take your buzzard by the beakto take those power surges and transform them into positive urges. After all, power plays only continue when theyre working.
But what if that innate power could be redirected to develop your childs natural talents? To help him stand firm against peer pressure in the most crucial years? To give back to the family not grudgingly but with a smile? To make a difference in your community? Think of all that power causing you grief and frustration being harnessed for the good. Youll be amazed at what your child can accomplish!
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