Leman - INTIMATE CONNECTION: secrets to a lifelong romance
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Does any of this feel or sound familiar?
- You cant remember the last time you had a conversationjust the two of you.
- Youve forgotten what the tinglies of first love felt like.
- The line you hate hearing most is, You just dont understand. Youll never understand.
- Your former passionate kiss before work has turned into a flung See you as you run out the door.
- Your spouse is nothing like the intriguing man or woman you thought you married. He or she is more like... your sibling.
- The most meaningful words youve said to your spouse lately were, Did you get OJ?
- You wish you knew what your spouses hot buttons were... before you pressed them.
- You dread the heavy sigh and the comment, But thats not the way my dad did it.
- Holding hands is a distant memory.
- The one you want to be closest to is your spouse, but you dont know how to accomplish that.
- Sometimes the two of you are like oil and wateryou simply dont mix.
- Your dating behavior has gone out the window.
- One or both of you need a healthy dose of anger management.
- An attempt to talk results only in a grunt during TV commercials.
- Your bedroom resembles the arctic tundra during winter.
- You wish your spouse truly understood the pressure you were always under to be perfect.
- You need a linguistics class to understand what your spouse is really saying.
- You wish that for once shed pay as much attention to you as she does to the neighbors.
- A romantic evening is watching someone else kiss in a movie.
- You never say what you feel, because you dont want to rock the boat.
- His silence speaks volumes, but youre not sure how to get him to talk.
- You lie awake at night thinking, Isnt there more to a life together than this?
If youve thought any of the above, rest assured, youre not the only one. Millions of husbands and wives across the planet have at some point in their marriage.
But you dont have to settle for less-than, blah, or a battlefield in your relationship. You can have the intimate connection you long for.
This book will help you:
- understand each others needs and backgrounds
- communicate in ways your spouse will really listen to
- develop deep, meaningful, satisfying, and long-lasting intimacy as a couple
I guarantee it.
2019 by Dr. Kevin Leman
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Updated and Revised edition published 2019
Previously published under the title Sex Begins in the Kitchen
Ebook edition created 2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-1656-1
Scripture quotations are from The Living Bible, copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
The names and details of the people and situations described in this book have been changed or presented in composite form in order to ensure the privacy of those with whom the author has worked.
To my wife, Bucky
Still my best gift ever.
Cover
Opening Reflection
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction: How to Get Now What You Had Back Then
SECRET # 1: Acts of Love Create an Unbreakable Bond
If you want to change your spouse, try changing yourself first.
SECRET #2: Outside Forces Have Shaped Your Relationship (without Your Permission)
Three societal factors that greatly impact how you think, feel, and relate to your spouse.
SECRET #3: Preconceived Notions Matter
What your mom and dad did influences you far more than you know.
BONUS SECTION: Be Your Own Counselor
SECRET #4: Theres No Reason to Settle for Blah, Less-Than, or a Battlefield
The top four reasons couples feel disconnected... and what you can do about it.
Exploring your spouses needs and how you can best meet them.
SECRET #6: Sex Is Important... but Not for the Reasons You Might Think
How this culminating act of intimacy reflects personal views and needs and impacts marital health.
SECRET #7: To Love Your Spouse, You Have to Know Who You Married
Understand birth order and you can use it to your shared benefit.
SECRET #8: Clashes Feel Less Personal When You Understand Your Partners Personality
How personality types influence the way each of you views life and your relationship.
SECRET #9: To Truly Know Your Partner, You Have to Understand Their Life Mantra
The seven I only count in life when... lifestyles and how they influence your loved ones responses.
BONUS SECTION: Want to Better Understand Your Spouse?
Try these revealing questions for date nights and couples getaways.
SECRET #10: Feelings Pull You Together; Judgments Push You Apart
The five things you need to know about feelings, getting behind your spouses eyes, and how to be good and angry.
BONUS SECTION: How to Find a Professional Counselor
SECRET #11: Marriage Isnt a One-on-One Competition; Its a Team Sport
How to identify negative moves in six power games and turn them into positive plays.
Why miscommunication happens, and how you can cure it before it causes trouble.
BONUS SECTION: 3-1-1 Couple Workout
Improve listening skills and work out relational kinks with no fighting.
SECRET # 13: You Can Have the Marriage You Deserve
Seven ways to take your marriage off autopilot and make it the best it can be.
Conclusion: Your Intimate Connection Awaits
Experience the mutual satisfaction and excitement of two truly becoming one.
The I Promise Challenge
Notes
About Dr. Kevin Leman
Resources by Dr. Kevin Leman
Back Ads
Back Cover
Grateful thanks to:
My Revell team.
My longtime editor, Ramona Cramer Tucker.
How to Get Now What You Had Back Then
Think back a little, or a lotdepending on how long you and your spouse have been togetherto those first days when you were falling in love. Remember those euphoric tinglies? That intense desire to learn all you could about each other? The fairy-tale time when you couldnt wait to talk to each other, to hug each other, to spend every moment possible together, and it was the two of you united against the world?
Contrast that with the present day. Does the following scenario sound all too familiar?
Its a typical Friday night, and every member of the family is running out the door to separate destinations. Youre an unusual family if you were able to fit in dinner together before the great split happened.
Youve managed to pick up your two younger kids from school after your part-time job. After a quick dinner, compliments of Colonel Sanders, youre dropping 15-year-old Jessica off at the movie theater and 11-year-old Alex at a friends house to hang out. Your 17-year-old is driving himself to his football game. Youll get there by the end of the first quarter if you hurry.
Your husband is working late on a project so he will hightail it straight to the game. The only time youve talked to him today was during a brief exchange of who will be where, and when. After the game, youll pick up the two younger kids at their locations while he heads home for tepid leftovers.
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