Kevin Leman - Have a New Sex Life by Friday: Because Your Marriage Can’t Wait until Monday

Why Women Need Sex

Why sex is integral to a womans life, what she wants most of all, and what stops her from wanting sex.

I have a question for you men. I want you to visualize the answer in your mind, I told an audience of over 3,000 couples in the Midwest. How long is your wifes clitoris?

There was deathly silence in the place. Now, if I would have asked about the penis, there would have been a lot of joking, nudging, and whispered exchanges about the length of that appendage from the male specimens in the room. But talk about female genitalia, and suddenly people get uncomfortable.

I love silence, I said, and everyone laughed. I held my fingers up half an inch apart. Are you thinking of this number?

There was a wave of nods across the auditorium.

Actually, the answer is... nine inches.

Disbelief scattered across the faces in the audience.

Yup, the clitoris wraps right through a womans body. Its why, when the clitoris is stroked, her response can be so great. Lots of body parts are involved.

So, gentlemen, when you touch her clitoris and bring her to orgasm, the clitoris isnt the only part of her body thats happy. That warm flush she feels spreads all throughout her body and makes her more eager in her lovemaking. And that pays extra benefits for both of you.

The saying Happy wife, happy life is completely true. If you want a happy life, including a wow sex life, youll take lots of time for foreplay. But foreplay to men and foreplay to women often have very different meanings.

For example, in my home Ive learned that foreplay means cleaning the kitchen. Not only do you clean the kitchen, but you also wipe off the countertops. Thats part of the deal. And check this out. You also have to put the toaster away. As a man, I have to ask the question, why put the toaster away when youre going to use it in less than 23 hours? But as one smart person said, If Mamas happy, the whole familys happy. Thats the truth.

Over the years, Ive learned that part of being a good mate is knowing the quirks of your spouse and flowing right along with them. My role isnt to argue the thesis of putting the toaster away; its simply to put the toaster away, because its important to my wife. Sande is a firstborn, and order and neatness are very important to her. If theyre important to my wife, they need to be important to me.

So I dutifully put the toaster away.

Why Sex Is Integral to a Womans Life

A lot of couples who come to me for counseling are stuck in a rut.

Hes not romantic enough, the wife says, so I dont initiate sex.

I cant think romantically if I dont get enough sex, he says.

The only antidote to that dilemma is putting each other first. Then even a dull or nearly dead marriage can be revitalized and more passionate and exciting than you can ever imagine.

Sex is integral to a womans life. She just may not realize it yet. A lot of women have shared with me the very bad advice their moms gave them on their wedding day: Just lie back and let him enjoy himself. Sex is something guys need, so you have to learn to put up with it. What a terrible view of the most intimate experience that God created between a man and woman committed to each other for a lifetime! If you grew up with that view of sex, no wonder youd rather do the dishes than enjoy your husbands attentions when hes in the mood.

Fulfilling sex isnt about going through the motions only because its something guys need. Sex for a man who doesnt see his wife sexually fulfilled is like a woman trying to talk to her husband when hes reading the newspaper. She craves conversation and tries to engage him, but his non-response or grunts, at best, dont satisfy her need for interaction.