Dr. Kevin Leman - Stopping Stress Before It Stops You: A Game Plan for Every Mom

And what does he know about cramps and stretch marks?

W ait, dont say itI know youre probably thinking it. What does this male psychologist know about women and stress anyway? What makes him an authority on something he has no way of experiencing himself? When was the last time he tried to change a diaper, mop up spilled grape juice, and answer the telephoneall while getting his ribs kicked in by the new arrival due next month? And what does he know about cramps and stretch marks?

Before you banish me to the bookshelf, please hear me out. I admit I have a lot of gall venturing where even angels probably would never tread, but nonetheless, I have at least three reasonsI hope qualificationsfor writing this book.

Ive Talked to Thousands of Stressed-out Moms

In my decades of private psychological practice, many stressed-out women have come to my office with complaints that all boil down to one question:

How can I keep from checking in to the loony bin?

In most cases these women could be described as not only stressed out but also draped out with young children. A common sight coming through my office doorway is a young mother with a baby in one arm, dragging her left leg behind her as she tries to find a chair. Does she have a neurological disorder in her leg? Not exactlya two-year-old is attached to it!

In addition to learning about womens stress problems firsthand in daily counseling sessions in my office, I have traveled the country for decades, speaking to and talking with thousands of women who are right on the edge. Many are stressed out far enough to want to walk outjust up and leave their husband and children to find some peace and relaxation.

I recently read an article in Womans Day that described the kind of mom I see all the time in my office or in church or school auditoriums where I speak. At age thirty-seven, with a two-year-old and a six-month-old clamoring for her attention, she wound up screaming in the shower for almost an hour, shouting, I cant do it anymore. I cant meet all these needs. What about me?

It seems that today women have been liberated to join the work forcebut someone forgot to tell their husbands they were also liberated to help get dinner on. My files show a marked increase in women wanting to leave their husbands and familiessomething that was rare just a few years ago.

So, what does all my talking with overstressed women accomplish? In hundreds of cases I have seen firsthand how women can learn to minimize stress and make it a useful tool by getting positive control of their lives. My major purpose for writing this book is to share some basic, practical ideas that will help you do the same.

Thats one reason I think I can talk about stress and women, but I have others....

Ive Had a First-Class Teacher on Stress and Motherhood

That teacher, of course, is my lovely wife, Sande, who has been giving me training in understanding stress in women for at least forty-six years. For forty-three of those years weve been married, bringing up Holly, Krissy, Kevin, Hannah, and Lauren. But she began training me even earlier than that. During the three years we dated before saying I do, Sande taught me a great deal about the tremendous differences between men and women.

While advocates of the feminist cause accomplished much that I applaud, one big mistake made by some of their more radical spokespersons was the claim that there are no real differences between men and women. They equated equality with sameness . If there is anything I want to communicate in this book, it is that men and women are different, and viva la difference! In fact, I guarantee that when a husband becomes truly aware of the genetic, physical, and emotional differences between his wife and himself, he will be a better husband!

One obvious difference between men and women centers around sexuality. I see men constantly ignoring this difference, usually out of ignorance. I sympathize with a man who is baffled by his wifes lack of enthusiasm for sex when he wants it, because I was very nave myself during the first years of our marriage.