Lisa Coyne - The Joy of Parenting: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Effective Parenting in the Early Years

Lisa W. Coyne, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology and director of the Early Childhood Research Clinic at Suffolk University in Boston, MA. She has adapted and used acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for families of young children struggling with emotional and behavioral problems, and applies her research to clinical work with young children living in poverty.

Amy R. Murrell, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at the University of North Texas. She has been actively developing and conducting ACT programs for children and parents since 2000 and is a recognized leader in the field.

Foreword writer Kelly Wilson, Ph.D., is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Mississippi and coauthor of the landmark book, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change.

This book will help you become a better parent by helping you to more effectively deal with parenting situations and to deepen your understanding of your own values, thoughts, and feelings. Take some time to read this work, let go of the past, and take your childs hand to move more mindfully into the future.

Thomas J. Dishion, Ph.D., codirector of the Child and Family Center, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is one of the newest, most influential, and most powerful forms of therapy to be developed by psychologists in a long, long time. As scientific support for ACT grows, so too has the breadth of its application. This book is an example of a new frontier for that growthparenting. By reading and carefully following the advice this book contains, you can not only become a more effective parent, but also a more effective and happier person.

Patrick C. Friman, Ph.D., ABPP, director of clinical services at Boys Town, clinical professor of pediatrics at University of Nebraska School of Medicine

For many, the joys of parenting are lost, hidden by the minds chatter to parent the right way or by the hearts desire to escape the emotional pitfalls of parenting. But the joys of parenting are found in the space that lies between parent and childin a relationship where parents know the value of simply being with their child. Lisa Coyne and Amy Murrell wisely and gently guide readers to that space.

Timothy A. Cavell, Ph.D., author of Working with Parents of Aggressive Children and Youre Not the Worst Parent in the World

Parenting is always challenging, no matter how much we love our children. This book offers practical ways to accept the challenge, choose what matters most in our relationship with our children, and take action to build this relationship one day at a time.

Jean E. Dumas, Ph.D.

Most people know that parenting is a supremely difficult job and no one ever gets it right all the time. This book is filled with examples, questions, exercises, and strategies to help you look at who you are as a parent: your values, your limits, and your fears, and thus enable you to do whats right (for you and your child), not whats easy.

Carolyn Boehne, LICSW

I was at the end of my rope with my daughter. I called around and was able to find this program, ACT, and it was very helpful. I had hope that things would work out when they gave me ways to deal with the issues at home. My daughter is doing great, and I think its because of some of the things I was able to use from the ACT program.

Liz S., client

ACT taught me that there isnt a perfect or easy fix to my problems, but I learned not to get so wrapped up in my childs behavior. I am calmer in most situations now, and that facilitates my understanding of myself as well as my child.

Traci S., client

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2009 by Lisa W. Coyne & Amy R. Murrell

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

All Rights Reserved

Epub ISBN: 9781608826865

Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer; Cover design by Amy Shoup;

Edited by Jean M. Blomquist; Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson

the Library of Congress has Cataloged the Print Edition as:

Coyne, Lisa W.

The joy of parenting : an acceptance and commitment therapy guide to effective parenting in the early years / Lisa W. Coyne and Amy R. Murrell ; foreword by Kelly Wilson.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-593-8 (pbk. : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-57224-593-X (alk. paper)

1. Parenting. 2. Acceptance and commitment therapy. I. Murrell, Amy R. II. Title.

HQ755.8.C69 2009

649.64--dc22

2009023486

For my children, Josie and Rory. You are my greatest joy.

LWC

To my own parents, for teaching me that life is perfectly whole.

ARM

Dear reader:

Welcome to New Harbinger Publications. New Harbinger is dedicated to publishing books based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and its application to specific areas. New Harbinger has a long-standing reputation as a publisher of quality, well-researched books for general and professional audiences.

There are many books on parenting based on well-researched behavior management techniques that parents can learn to apply to their own children. The unique strength of this book is that it incorporates all this knowledge in a new context that goes beyond teaching traditional behavior management techniques. For instance, much of the book focuses on how parents can learn to apply behavior management techniques in a much more thoughtful and effective way by incorporating acceptance and mindfulness techniques. It also uses and brings to life ACT principles that provide you with an understanding of how your childs mindjust like your ownis often playing tricks on your child and yourself. It provides you with fun techniques to teach your kids and yourself to recognize when your mind may not be your best friend and to relate differently to your critical mind by learning to simply observe your mind and focus on the important and cool stuff that really matters in life.

The book does not lecture you or make prescriptions, and the authors present information in a very accessible and easy-to-read style. It is written with compassion and from an understanding of how difficult parenting often is in our increasingly more complex world. The book helps you identify, clarify, and then stick with your own parenting values and goals. Being aware and in tune with those values is particularly important and helpful when you encounter truly challenging and difficult issues with your kids. The authors encourage and show you how you can confront those issues without becoming overwhelmed by them and how to take care of yourself when you feel stressed out because things are not working out as planned.

The book provides many useful case examples and lots of concrete exercises and practical suggestions which will help you adapt the methods described to the particular situation you find yourself in with your kids. Although the book provides information that is applicable to many different parenting situations and everyday life problems, it also makes specific suggestions for some common problems of childhood such as those that involve anxiety and acting out (e.g., tantrums, aggression).