Helen Rodwell - Parenting with Theraplay®: Understanding Attachment and How to Nurture a Closer Relationship with Your Child

Understanding Attachment

and How to Nurture a Closer

Relationship with Your Child

Vivien Norris and Helen Rodwell

Forewords by Phyllis Booth and Dafna Lender

Illustrations by Miranda Smith

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

Contents

Foreword

Phyllis Booth (Co-Founder of Theraplay)

I am delighted that Viv and Helen have written a book for parents based on the attachment-focused Theraplay model. The language is clear and simple, and the lively illustrations provide an easy-to-use guide that will help you create the vibrant, loving family we all dream of. In making the intuitive wisdom of Theraplay available to all parents, they bring Theraplay back to its roots in the model of natural, healthy parenting that creates family well-being.

To help you understand what I mean, I will briefly tell you about how Theraplay began in the United States Head Start programme. Recognising the needs of all children for early supportive and stimulating experiences, the US government initiated a nationwide programme designed to provide a Head Start for three- and four-year-old children from low-income, high-risk families. As you might expect some of the children needed more than a good preschool programme. Ann Jernberg, creator of Theraplay, was given the job of finding a way to help these unsettled and needy children who were often upset and angry, or shut down and sad. She turned to the model of what parents naturally do with their babies and young children: play with them, take care of them, connect with them. I joined her eagerly in this effort to find ways to help these children.

My own childhood experiences gave me lots of good ideas. My mother was always ready to comfort and reassure me if I was unhappy. I remember lots of cuddles, and the comforting pleasure of holding hands with her. She responded with loving attention when I was unhappy or ill. When my sister and I came home from school on a rainy day, she would have hot cocoa ready and we would play games together on the living room floor.

My fathers play was more boisterous. I remember many happy times when he lifted me up onto his knees as he lay on the floor: One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready pause and four to go ! The delicious excitement of anticipation, the moment of swooping down, the hug as I landed on his tummy! More! More! I would shout.

But playing and cuddling wasnt the only thing we did in my family. There were chores to do, beds to be made, dishes to wash, food to cook, homework to be done. These were all done with an air of competent completion, spiced with a dash of playfulness. Making the beds together with my mother, I run ahead and hide under the sheets. Arriving at the rumpled bed, she playfully tries to smooth it, Oh, theres a lump in my bed! I giggle as she attempts to smooth the lump out. What is it? She finds my hair, Oh, its a mop! I pop out. Oh, its Phyllis! A good hug and then as an efficient, coordinated team, we smooth the bed making it fresh and inviting for the next nights cosy sleep.

With the model of healthy parenting in mind, Ann Jernberg and I gathered a team of playful, young mental health workers to spend time one-on-one with the children in the Head Start programme who needed help. Our goal was to give the children the caring, attuned and joyful experiences that all children deserve. To our delight the children began to feel better. Angry, acting-out children calmed down and were able to play and cooperate with their peers. Sad, shut down children became more outgoing and lively.

The essential healing power of the Theraplay approach is in the positive relationship that is created between the children and the adults who care for them. Since those early beginnings Theraplay has spread around the world as a therapeutic model that has helped thousands of families regain or achieve this happy state that promises so much for the development of healthy children.

In creating this book, with its many ideas for ways to connect with your children, Viv and Helen have brought the Theraplay ideas back to where they started in the everyday interactions between you and your children. It is not just a book to read, it is a book to put into practice. You will learn many important things as you read the book, but you will experience the most important message as you put these playful, engaging and loving activities into action. The comfort and joy in your family will amply reward you.

Foreword

Dafna Lender (Programme Director,
The Theraplay Institute)

When Vivien and Helen told us of their intent to write a parenting book based on Theraplay principles, we at The Theraplay Institute in Evanston, IL, USA, let out a cry of joy and relief! Finally, a book on Theraplay written for parents that will explain the simple, essential and oft-forgotten parenting principles to help families thrive! For 50 years, The Theraplay Institute has focused on training as many psychotherapists in the Theraplay method as possible so that they could help children heal. But what about the parents and children who dont need a visit to a therapist, but where joy and connection between them seemed to be overshadowed by the obligations and stresses of everyday life? Many families asked us to write a book to address these issues, but the leadership were too busy to undertake the task. Then along came Vivien and Helen. We could think of no better people to write this book for parents: Vivien Norris and Helen Rodwell are shining stars in the universe of parenting wisdom. They combine the highest calibre of professional rigour with personal experience and uncompromised compassion. Between them they have worked with hundreds of children and their families in the quest to find harmony and connection at home.

Rest assured that Theraplay is based on the most up-to-date scientific research on developmental psychology, neurobiology and trauma theory. Theraplay has also been rated as Effective (highest rating) by the United States Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse. Helen and Vivien have summarised the most relevant whys and whats of the method so that you can get to the heart of the matter as quickly as possible: how to feel more connected with your child so that you can have a cooperative and joyful family life.

Introduction

Theraplay is a practical approach for helping children and their families, which is active and playful and promotes closeness. It is an approach that can benefit all families. You might find you arent enjoying life together and want a bit of help or perhaps something has happened (like a bereavement, illness or divorce) which has made things in your family feel less secure. You may have more significant difficulties or may be starting from scratch in trying to make a relationship with a fostered or adopted child, or perhaps you are a new step-parent. Whatever your situation, Theraplay can offer ideas for how to connect with your child and help you find ways to move forward together. This book will introduce you to the Theraplay approach and the main ideas that it is based on.

The book is divided into two main sections. The first part tells you what Theraplay is and the second part offers suggestions for handling everyday practical situations. The book is designed to give you as parents, carers and supporters some ideas about how you can use the Theraplay approach in everyday life to strengthen your family relationships. It is full of ideas and examples and, we hope, enough explanation to enable you to see why it can work. It may also be helpful as an introduction if you are involved in more specialist work with a professional.