Connecting Across Differences
Finding Common Ground With Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime
2ND Edition
2012 PuddleDancer Press
A PuddleDancer Press Book
First Edition 2005 Jane Marantz Connor and Dian Killian
None of the situations described in this book pertain to actual people or circumstances, and any similarity is coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other mechanical or electronic methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for use as brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses as permitted by copyright law. To request permission, contact the publisher at the following address, Attention: Permissions Coordinator.
PuddleDancer Press, Permissions Dept.
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Tel: 1-760-652-5754 Fax: 1-760-274-6400
Ordering Information: Please contact Independent Publishers Group, Tel: 312-337-0747;
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contact information and details about ordering online
Author: Jane Marantz Connor, Ph.D. and Dian Killian, Ph.D.
Editor: Sheridan McCarthy
Index: Phyllis Linn
Cover and Interior Design: Lightbourne, Inc.
Cover Photograph: www.iStockPhoto.com
Manufactured in the United States of America
1st Printing, April 2012
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
ISBN: 978-1-892005-24-3
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Connor, Jane Marantz.
Connecting across differences : finding common ground with anyone, anywhere, anytime / Jane Marantz Connor and Dian Killian. -- 2nd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-892005-24-3 (trade paper : alk. paper)
Interpersonal communication. Interpersonal relations. Interpersonal conflict. Nonviolence. I. Killian, Dian. II. Title. BF637.C45C676 2011
153.6--dc23
2011031833
What People Are Saying About Connecting Across Differences, 2ND Edition
Connecting Across Differences has changed how I approach my work and life. Using empathy to connect with my feelings and needs and with the feelings and needs of the people around me has made me happier and more effective. Jane and Dian, thank you for guiding me on this journey.
ROBERT MCGUIRE, Executive Director, Merck, Inc.
Dian Killian is a remarkable woman with a great message that brings wisdom to the field of nonviolence.
HOWARD GLASSER, Author, Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach
Connecting Across Differences capacitates learners with essential personal and interpersonal skills and knowledge needed to nurture and build a culture of peace. Killian and Connors thoughtfully constructed guidebook opens doors to the possibility for authentic dialogue between self and others and illuminates multiple paths to living with integrity. This book should be on the shelf of every peacemaker.
TONY JENKIS, Director of Education, National Peace Academy
Having taught Nonviolent Communication for many years, it seems to me that this book covers every question that I have had myself or been asked about how to learn and integrate this simple yet challenging reframe of communication with self and others. I am grateful to Dian and Jane for this contribution to the field of applied nonviolence.
KIT MILLER, Director, M.K. Gandhi Institute For Nonviolence
What People Have Said About Connecting Across Differences, 1ST Edition
Connecting Across Differences describes how to communicate in a way that leads to greater understanding and more positive relationships. Ultimately, it provides not just practical methods; it espouses a philosophy of personal responsibility and respect for others and ourselves. The wisdom of this book is a great guide in living with full awareness and compassion.
DANIEL PHARR, Ph.D., Chief Psychologist, Bronx Psychiatric Center
Fabulous book for developing better relationships! If you want to build awareness, find peace, and make a difference, this practical book helps you communicate with love and compassion and shift from old ways of judging self and others toward connecting more deeply.
MARTHA LASLEY, Author, Courageous Visions: How to Unleash Passionate Energy in Your Life and Organizations
Connecting Across Differences addresses real life concerns with candor, clarity, and compassion. The authors use a variety of engaging dialogues, exercises, and examples to show how the powerful process of Nonviolent Communication can enrich personal relationships. It is engaging reading for people of all ages who long for more connection and understanding in the world.
SURA HART, Coauthor, Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids, The Compassionate Classroom, and The No-Fault Classroom
Ive utilized Connecting Across Differences in both my education and my clinical work as a social worker. As a student, I found the book enlightening and revolutionary in its application of compassion and real world communication skills. As a professional, it has allowed me to be a leader and social advocate and has maximized my ability to hold others with compassion during emotionally difficult times. This is an incredible tool for anyone attempting to live a more compassionate and satisfying life in any context.