50MINUTES - Nonviolent Communication at Work: How to communicate productively in challenging situations

• Problem : What attitude should be adopted in order to use nonviolent communication in business?
• Uses: Preventing violence, addressing conflictual situations constructively, promoting collaboration and optimising professional relations.
• Professional context: Professional relations, team management, teamwork, personal and professional development.
• FAQs:
  • What is nonviolent communication?
  • How can nonviolent communication help me?
  • Is nonviolent communication helpful in the case of conflict?
  • How can I set up a process of nonviolent communication?
  • Who is involved in nonviolent communication?
  • How can nonviolent communication impact my professional life?

Whether in our personal or professional lives, we all eventually face various kinds of tensions. Involving opposing interests or different viewpoints between people, conflict which is often emotionally charged deserves our attention. Although it is far from pleasant, conflict can be useful as long as we learn to communicate and bring out the positives in the situation: indeed, through conflict we learn, we change and we build our relationships with others.

Yet all too often we tend to adopt a bad attitude towards these disputes. This can result in even more negative consequences than the initial conflict: relational, physical or psychological violence directed towards others or against ourselves. But why do we act in this way? How can we learn not to react instinctively when faced with a disagreement? How can we optimise our social and professional relationships to enable us to work together peacefully?

Try using nonviolent communication to seek rational and constructive responses to your relationship problems. Get yourself out of the vicious cycle of unhealthy exchanges marked by anger, revenge and violence, and become aware of your feelings, desires and actions!

We have all learned to speak, but not necessarily to communicate. Our relationships too often degenerate into power relationships, whether in our personal or professional lives.

Given these findings, nonviolent communication teaches us to analyse the behaviours, needs and desires of one another and to better express them. Thus, it improves our way of communicating and resolving conflicts constructively and positively, by negotiating compromises and thus fighting against rivalry and favouring collaboration. To do this, it uses assertiveness based on authenticity, which means daring to express how we feel and what we want deep down in order to meet our own needs and values, while preventing our unconscious emotions, such as shame, guilt or duty, from resurfacing.

Establishing this practice in a company helps to improve the welfare of the individuals within it and, consequently, their performances. It is especially useful in times of stress and crisis. These are indeed key moments, during which managers and employees need to communicate positively to build relationships of trust and cooperate satisfactorily.

Nonviolent communication limits power games and soothes tensions within the team. Meanwhile, it re-motivates individuals and clarifies your relationship to yourself when you are overwhelmed with emotion.

Four phases are necessary for the success of nonviolent communication in conflict resolution: observing, expressing feelings, expressing needs and asking. It is important to follow this path.

The first step is to observe a fact or a specific behaviour that affects our wellbeing. This allows us to consider the situation objectively and without judgment, and to question what bothers us. This means we can identify different things, such as:

• objective observations (which could be detected without drawing conclusions)
• assessments
• interpretations.

These last two are legitimate and can be expressed, as long as it is made clear that they are subjective and not real. Therefore, they should be distinguished from objective observations. It is advisable not to carry any real judgment on the person, for risk of offending them, which would bring any discussions to an end.

Recommended formulations:
Ive noticed that the report is not finished yet. Here, we focus on an observed fact. Conversely, the remark I see that you have not finished the report yet can be seen as a personal criticism with an underlying message such as You are taking too long on that report, It is your fault, etc.
Again, Your files are not organised will be better received than You are really disorganised, you leave your files everywhere!.
Finally, I noticed that your sales figures were lower this week is preferable to You did not deliver good sales figures this week!, because that sentence makes a judgement on the abilities of the other person.