Marshall B. Rosenberg - The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides) — read online for free the complete book (whole text) full work

Below is the text of the book, divided by pages. System saving the place of the last page read, allows you to conveniently read the book "The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides)" online for free, without having to search again every time where you left off. Put a bookmark, and you can go to the page where you finished reading at any time.

Light

Font size:

↓

↑

Georgia Tahoma Arial Verdana

Reset

Interval:

↓

↑

Bookmark:

Make

1234567...12

2240 Encinitas Blvd., Ste. D-911, Encinitas, CA 92024

For additional information:
Center for Nonviolent Communication
5600-A San Francisco Rd., NE, Albuquerque, NM 87109
Ph: 505-244-4041 Fax: 505-247-0414 Email:

The Surprising Purpose of Anger
Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift

2005 PuddleDancer Press
A PuddleDancer Press Book

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other mechanical or electronic methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for use as brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses as permitted by copyright law. To request permission, contact the publisher at the following address, Attention: Permissions Coordinator.

PuddleDancer Press, Permissions Dept.
2240 Encinitas Blvd., Ste. D-911, Encinitas, CA 92024
Tel: 1-858-759-6963 Fax: 1-858-759-6967

Ordering Information
Please contact Independent Publishers Group,
Tel: 312-337-0747; Fax: 312-337-5985; Email: for other contact information and details about ordering online

Author: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
Editor: Graham Van Dixhorn, Write to Your Market, Inc.,
www.writetoyourmarket.com
Cover and Interior Design: Lightbourne, Inc., www.lightbourne.com
Cover Photograph: Digital Vision collection from
www.gettyimages.com

Manufactured in the United States of America

1st Printing, Fall 2005

10 9 8 7 6 5

978-1-892005-15-1

Contents

The Surprising Purpose of Anger

A Q&A Session With
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

I n The Surprising Purpose of Anger Marshall Rosenberg shares his unique perspective on the role anger can play in our life. He challenges us to shift from the idea that anger is something to be suppressed. Instead, anger is a gift, challenging us to connect to the unmet needs that have triggered this reaction. Rosenberg reveals common misconceptions about anger and points out that our anger is the product of thinking. A discussion of anger easily supports a better understanding of Nonviolent Communication because it touches on so many key NVC distinctions. Living from your heart, making judgment-free observations, getting clear about your feelings and needs, making clear requests, and supporting life-enriching connections all relate to how we respond to anger

A Brief Introduction to NVC

NVC evolved out of an intense interest I have in two questions. First, I wanted to better understand what happens to human beings that leads some of us to behave violently and exploitatively. And secondly, I wanted to better understand what kind of education serves us in the attempt to remain compassionatewhich I believe is our natureeven when others are behaving violently or exploitatively.

Ive found in my exploration into these two questions that three factors are very important in understanding why some of us respond violentlyand some of us compassionatelyin similar situations. These three are:

First, the language that we have been educated to use.

Second, how we have been taught to think and communicate.

Third, the specific strategies we learned to influence ourselves and others.

I have found that these three factors play a large role in determining whether were going to be able to respond compassionately or violently in situations. I have integrated the type of language, the kinds of thinking, and the forms of communication that strengthen our ability to willingly contribute to our own well-being and the well-being of others, into this process that I call Nonviolent Communication (NVC).

NVC focuses attention on whether peoples needs are being fulfilled, and if not, what can be done to fulfill these needs. It shows us how to express ourselves in ways that increase the likelihood others will willingly contribute to our well-being. It also shows us how to receive the messages of others in ways that increase the likelihood that we will willingly contribute to their well-being.

Anger and NVC

When it comes to managing anger, NVC shows us how to use anger as an alarm that tells us we are thinking in ways that are not likely to get our needs met, and are more likely to get us involved in interactions that are not going to be very constructive for anyone. Our training stresses that it is dangerous to think of anger as something to be repressed, or as something bad . When we tend to identify anger as a result of something wrong with us, then our tendency is to want to repress it and not deal with anger. That use of anger, to repress and deny it, often leads us to express it in ways that can be very dangerous to ourselves and others.

Think of how many times youve read in the newspapers about serial killers and how they are described by others who have known them. A rather typical way they are described is: He was always such a nice person. I never heard him raise his voice. He never seemed to be angry at anyone.

So in NVC we are interested in using the anger in ways that help us to get at the needs that are not being fulfilled within ourselves, that are at the root of our anger.

Many of the groups I work with around the world have witnessed the consequences of teaching that anger is something to be repressed. These groups have witnessed that when we teach that anger should be avoided, it can be used to oppress people by getting them to tolerate whatever is happening to them. However, I also have reservations about how, in response to that concern, some have advocated cultivating or venting of anger without understanding its roots and transforming it. Some studies have indicated that anger management programs that simply encourage participants to vent anger by, for example, beating pillows, etc., simply push the anger closer to the surface and in fact leave the participants more susceptible to express their anger later in ways that are dangerous to themselves and others.

So what we want to do as we use NVC to manage anger is to go more deeply into it, to see what is going on within us when we are angry, to be able to get at the needwhich is the root of angerand then fulfill that need. For teaching purposes, I sometimes refer to anger as similar to the warning light on the dashboard of a carits giving you useful information about what the engine needs. You wouldnt want to hide or disconnect or ignore it. Youd want to slow down the car and figure out what the lights trying to tell you.

It Works Even If Only One Person Applies It

It has been my experience that if I can keep my attention on anger as a warning, no matter how the other person is communicating, we remain connected. In other words, NVC works, even if only one person applies it.

Its not too hard then to keep the focus in this direction. It can be scary because it always requires vulnerability on our part just to nakedly say how we are and what we would like. And it can flow fairly well when both parties are trained in this process, but almost everyone that I work with is attempting to establish this flow of communication with someone who is not likely to ever come to workshops to learn how to do this. So its very important that this process work with anyone, whether they have been trained to communicate this way or not.

One thing we certainly stress in our intensive training is how to stay with this process regardless of how other people communicate. Now, in one sense anger is a fun way to dive more deeply into NVC even if you are starting with this process for the first time. When youre angry, it brings many aspects of the NVC process into sharp focus, helping you see the difference between NVC and other forms of communication.

Next page

1234567...12

Light

Font size:

↓

↑

Georgia Tahoma Arial Verdana

Reset

Interval:

↓

↑

Bookmark:

Make

Similar books «The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides)»

Look at similar books to The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides). We have selected literature similar in name and meaning in the hope of providing readers with more options to find new, interesting, not yet read works.

Inbal Kashtan

Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice

Melanie Sears

Humanizing Health Care: Creating Cultures of Compassion with Nonviolent Communication

Shari Klein

Whats Making You Angry?: 10 Steps to Transforming Anger So Everyone Wins

Rosa Waters

Anger

Marshall B. Rosenberg

Nonviolent Communication (Summary): A Language of Life

Marshall B. Rosenberg

The Heart of Social Change: How to Make a Difference in Your World

Aaron Karmin LCPC

Anger Management Workbook for Men: Take Control of Your Anger and Master Your Emotions

Gary D. Chapman

Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion

Marshall B. Rosenberg

Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication

Judith Hanson Lasater

What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication

Cannon

The gift of anger : seven steps to uncover the meaning of anger and gain awareness, true strength, and peace

Dawson

Anger Management: How to Deal With Your Anger, Frustration, and Temper to Avoid Anger Management Classes

Discussion, reviews of the book The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides) and just readers' own opinions. Leave your comments, write what you think about the work, its meaning or the main characters. Specify what exactly you liked and what you didn't like, and why you think so.