Rachel Lindsay - Miss Me with That : Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, and a Few Hard Truths

On August 7, 2017, more than seven million people watched me accept a marriage proposal on The Bachelorette. They tuned in almost every Monday night for almost three months to witness the very emotional process of my meeting, getting to know, and ultimately sending home thirty men. After watching genuine connections, tense conflicts, and heartbreaking farewells, fans think they know me.

When you watched me on TV, you might have seen someone who had it all togetheran intelligent and mature woman who was secure within herself, knew what she wanted, and refused to suffer anyone whose own agenda got in the way. Privileged upbringing, attorney-at-law, and actually married to the man I chose on the show? It can be easy to think that my life is a fairy tale.

But my journey to love began long before those eleven episodes. To truly understand the desires, motives, and reasons behind the decisions I made on The Bachelorette, you have to know my story before I ever followed that whim to audition for a show Id never watched. My biggest hope is that when you finish reading Miss Me with That, youll realize that Im not so different from you. I dont have it all together. In fact, right before I signed on to be a contestant on The BachelorGirl, I was the epitome of untogether. So much so that had the man I wanted to marry at the time asked me not to do the show, I would have passed on the opportunity (and probably be living that mediocre life my critics love to keep threatening me with). But I appreciate how much you wanted me to win, and I want to reciprocate the love by sharing the journey behind the journey so you can win, too. I want you to know me at my worst so you can learn from my experiences and realize that no matter how complicated you might be, you can have the life you dream for yourself. You absolutely deserve it.

Note to The Bachelor fans: Let me warn you that this is not your typical Bachelor book. When I share anything about the show that I havent disclosed before (and we can all agree I have had tons to say), my intention isnt to spill the tea. Cmon, you already know that Im going to be honest about what I think and feel about the franchise. Just understand that my intention is not to gossip about or hurt your favorites. If anything, I expose no one more than myself. I make a genuine effort to own my mistakes and regrets as readily as I express my concerns and resentments. I wrote this book with an open heart and I hope you read it with an open mind.

Miss Me with That is about how I went from pursuing a life of other peoples design to becoming clear about what I wanted for myself and finding the courage to pursue my authentic desires. I wrote it to share the experiences and work it took to become the woman you see on TV or might hear on a podcast. Not to present myself as some paragon of success, because I assure you that I remain a work in progress. If anything, as you read, I want you to think, Damn, Rachel was a hot mess, but at least she was always willing to clean her shit up.

I chose the title Miss Me with That because its a phrase Ive been prone to say on the two podcasts I cohosted after appearing on The Bachelor and The BacheloretteBachelor Happy Hour with fellow alum Becca Kufrin and Higher Learning, where Van Lathan and I discuss the latest in hot topics, politics, current affairs, and sports, and how they impact Black culture. Whether a gentle pushback or a forceful argument, saying Miss me with that is my way of calling bullshit. In other words, I use it a lot. Especially about serious topics like justice and equality and to my haters (and Ive got plenty for you, too, since I know youre here, too).

Contrary to popular belief, the best gift I ever received was not a wedding ring. It was the permission I gave myself to be imperfect and grow from some less-than-flattering experiences. If you think that my transparency can be of service to you in any way, turn the page. If not, you know the sayingyou can miss me with that.