Nancy L. Johnston - Disentangle: When Youve Lost Your Self in Someone Else

Sadly, this book is greatly needed. Too many of us have been raised in a manner that, due to not developing a strong sense of self, we lose ourselves seeking our value and worth, and even our identity, in relationship with others. Nancy Johnston does a beautiful job of helping the reader to both understand and be compassionate toward our self-defeating behaviors that reinforce this while offering a path toward building and claiming our self. Personally, I found myself underlining much of what was written as a way of holding onto the thoughts long after the read. For me that is the sign of an important book.

Claudia Black, PhD, author ofUnspoken Legacy: Addressing the Impact of Trauma and Addiction within the Family

Our very souls desire freedom. When caught in a trap, an addiction, or a tangle, we long for a way out, a way back to freedom. Nancy Johnston brings the voice of her recovering self to her book, Disentangle: When Youve Lost Your Self in Someone Else. She advocates a four-pronged approach (Facing Illusions, Detaching, Setting Healthy Boundaries, and Developing Spirituality) to the process of finding our lost selves. Her book is rooted in evidence-based practice and practical skills, and she perfectly balances them with spirituality, self- disclosure, and client stories. It is clear that the author has lived this experience and that she offers her years of life, recovery, and clinical practice in a very healthful way. This book has been a real asset to my recovery and the recovery of my clients.

Margaret L. Cress, LMFT

The outstanding second edition of this classic book presents a coherent and practical approach to continue the process of dialoguing with self, both internally and externally. This book should be read by all therapists and is a great source of inspiration for anybody in search of higher self-esteem, greater psychological insights, and more robust emotional wellbeing. The practical tools and techniques in the book will be a positive companion for anyone in search of healthier relationships.

Noel Bell, UKCP, psychotherapist, London

The new edition of Disentangle reflects Nancy Johnstons years as a practicing counselor and a student of human interactions. She lays out practical steps to disentangling from our own insecurities and the expectations that no longer serve usand which lead us to lose ourselves in the search for outside approval. Her writing is clear, concise, and compassionate, making her insights and directives easy to follow.

Lisa Tracy, author ofObjects of Our Affection

Not only have I read Disentangle, but on several occasions, I have been fortunate to speak with Nancy about her methods and watch her mesmerize a group of addiction treatment professionals with her approach. Disentangle is now on the short list of must-reads for my clients who are struggling with the so common combination of addiction and relationship issues. Nancys ability to captivate and engage lies in her personalized, story-telling style, which brings the reader along on Nancys journey but also welcomes them to the caravan of people who have had the opportunity to be restored through her work.

David Semanco, MS, MAC, CAAC, CSAC, CAC-AD, President, Virginia Association of Addiction Professionals (VAAP)

Nancy writes in a way that speaks to me, in a way that I can clearly understand and relate to. Not only have I read and re- read Disentangle, I have shared it with many friends and family members. I appreciate the sense that Nancy has lived this, continues to learn, and continues to share!

Jerri Shannon, CSAC, Caron Treatment Centers

As a person who has long sought a therapeutic model for addressing codependency over the past thirty-odd years, I find the approaches Nancy Johnston lays out in this second edition of her book to be refreshing. Her explanation of separating my problems/goals from others problems/goals is enlightening. Giving up ones self to save a relationship deserves our close attention. I can relate since I believe that addiction to love can be devastating to all of us.

Ron Pritchard, CSAC, CAS, NCACII

Nancy Johnston has created a format that explains clearly why the basic goal for every human being is to find the self in body, mind, and spirit. She covers life experiences that form human beings from childhood onward, especially relationships that teach us to react rather than act, to fear rather than focus on the moment, to have illusions and entanglements. It is a comprehensive book, geared to help the reader unlock the reality of situations and to discover why and how we become entangled with others rather than knowing ourselves.

Judy Light Ayyildiz, author of eleven books in five genres includingNothing but Time: A Triumph over Trauma

When Youve
Lost Your Self in
Someone Else

NANCY L. JOHNSTON

Central Recovery Press (CRP) is committed to publishing exceptional materials addressing addiction treatment, recovery, and behavioral healthcare topics.

For more information, visit www.centralrecoverypress.com.

2020 by Nancy L. Johnston

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America.

First edition 2011.

Second edition 2020.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

Publisher:Central Recovery Press

3321 N. Buffalo Drive

Las Vegas, NV 89129

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Johnston, Nancy L., author.

Title: Disentangle : when youve lost your self in someone else / Nancy L. Johnston, MS, LPC, LSATP, MAC.

Description: Second edition. | Las Vegas : Central Recovery Press, [2019] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019019480 (print) | LCCN 2019022356 (ebook) | ISBN 9781949481341 (pbk. : alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Codependency literature. | Interpersonal relations--Moral and ethical aspects. | Autonomy (Psychology)--Moral and ethical aspects. | Conduct of life.

Classification: LCC RC569.5.C63 J64 2019 (print) | LCC RC569.5.C63 (ebook) | DDC 616.86-dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019019480

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019022356

Photo of Nancy L. Johnston by Grace DuVal. Used with permission.

Every attempt has been made to contact copyright holders. If copyright holders have not been properly acknowledged, please contact us. Central Recovery Press will be happy to rectify the omission in future printings of this book.

Publishers Note:Disentangle is designed to provide accurate and valuable information about the subject matter presented. The material and approach come from the authors personal history as well as her work as a psychotherapist over more than three decades. However, it is in no way intended to serve as a substitute for professional behavioral health services. In the event that such services are needed, a licensed professional should be consulted.

Cover design by The Book Designers and interior by Sara Streifel.