Kerry Colburn - Bitchcraft: Simple Spells for Everyday Annoyances & Sweet Revenge

Tell me: Who among us isnt wronged on a daily basis?

Wouldnt you love to get sweet revenge on the people who drive you crazy on any given day? The ones who really deserve a little payback for their bad behavior?

Im here to tell you: you can. We all have the power within to do just that, and it doesnt take magic. All you need is the help of a little Bitchcraft.

Women everywhere have taken back the word bitch and are done being accommodating. Gone is Ms. Nice Girl, who apologizes for other peoples mistakes or looks the other way when someone else takes the credit thats rightfully hers. This bitch is ready to roar, unafraid to wield her power when someone intentionally crosses her.

Bitchcraft is here to inspire every woman to use herown inner power to get back at all the people who do her wrong in big or small ways. Whether its an evil ex, a bad barista, a loud movie talker, or a coworker who stole your thunder, dont turn the other cheek. Screw that! Harness your innate badassery and use your Bitchcraft!

The spells in this book are simple and easy to perform to ensure you dont spend more time or energy than necessary on the suckers who screw with you. Some are quick hexesshort incantations you can recite on the goand some are longer rituals, including a few ingredients or props to intensify the results. But theres no need to gather eye of newt or other obscure items. While youll see suggestions for common herbs like sage, rosemary, or thyme, as well as essential oils or candles (all of which have been used in spells and rituals for centuries), none of these is required. Your intention is the most important element in making Bitchcraft work, so if you dont have one of the items on hand, dont let it stop you. You can just say the words, or substitute a different item that speaks to you. (And of course, use care and your good common sense when using candles or lighters.)

Similarly, an altar is not necessary to perform Bitchcraft. But because you are channeling your strength and intention to right the wrongs of others, its best to do your spells in a place where you feel powerful and in controlwhether thats in your boudoir, at your workplace, or in front of your KitchenAid mixer.

Speaking of power, whats better than one strong female spell-caster? Several! Yes, you can share your Bitchcraft with other like-minded ladies for extra power. Gather your gals for a self-care coven and talk about which spell in this book each of you needs most. Then you can either recite the spells in unison or alternate taking the lead, with the rest adding power with their intentions and visualizations. Either way, the joining up of several women with the goal of setting things straight will add extra oomph to the work at hand. (And yes, its safe to perform Bitchcraft while under the influence of a nice glass of merlot.)

Its important to note theres nothing truly harmful happening here. After all, some believe that anything you put out into the universepositive or negativecomes back to you threefold, and even though Bitchcraft is its own modern branch of the magic tree, who wants to take that chance? Instead, the revenge offered here is of a gentler variety, designed to fit the crime at hand. Just a little tit for tat, if you will, for the twit who shouldnt have transgressed.

So get ready to cast some well-deserved spells on those who purposely cross you today! Turn off your phone, set your mind to the problem youve encountered, visualize its annoying source, and send a little psychic jab to the wrongdoer with the help of these spells and hexes. Then move on with your day, and with your life, feeling like the strong, unstoppable, superior being you are. Youve got this!

There are Mondays, and then there are days that just feel like Mondays. Days when things seem to be conspiring against you and stubbornly refusing to go your way. You wind up stuck in traffic, get the runaround on the phone, miss the elevator, have bad service at the restaurant. Its one thing when it feels like a general Mercury in retrograde moment, though, and quite another when there is a very specific person to blame! If youve been brought low by someone who couldvenay, shouldve!tried a smidge harder, right the wrong with a dash of revenge.

Bad Behavior

Do we all need to know about that strangers blood-test results, impending breakup, weekend plans, work crisis, or opinion on the latest Avengers movie? Apparently so. Certain people in modern society feel its their God-given right to yak at full volume on their cell, even when in an enclosed space with others. While they may be acceptable in large, open places or in ones own vehicle, we all know conversations should be curtailed on the bus, train, plane, restaurant, coffee shop, waiting room, or other cozy place. Right? If youre getting a migraine from someone gabbing loudly about their latest sexcapade or what they had for lunch, turn their volume down a notch with this spell. Buh-bye.

May your cell plan be switched (Without you knowing), So that while you chatter, Your bill just keeps growing.

OK, buddy, what year is it? Its the year d-bags are held accountable for making progress as humans and ditching the inappropriate remarks, thats what year it is. It was never OK to catcall, or to make sexist comments on a womans body, walk, outfit, abilities, or anything. But today, were calling out that kind of caveman comportment like never before. Next time a guy tells you to smile more, talk less, look different, or give him whatever attention he so dearly craves, hell get back more than he bargained for.

Youll need

A nail, pin, or thumbtack

A white candle (or any candle placed atop something white)

A book, magazine, or other item featuring a strong woman (Michelle Obamas autobiography will do nicely)

Matches or a lighter

Stick the nail into the side of the candle and place the candle atop the book or magazine. Light the wick while you visualize a shaft of bright light illuminating the offending male. Then say this spell:

Its time to evolve!

It doesnt take a genius.

Til then, youll have problems

Involving your penis.

Almost no sound is more annoying than the shrill bleat of a car alarm. And, as if on purpose, they seem to go off in the middle of an important call or right as youre drifting off to sleep. Just how sensitive does a car need to be? If youve found a particular vehicle to be a repeat offender, youd better sound the alarm in a different sense.