Mike Slater - The Necronomnomnom: Recipes and Rites from the Lore of H. P. Lovecraft

I dedicate this to my parentsbecause they always supported me, even if they didnt necessarily understand what interested me. I dedicate this to my beautiful, supportive family to whom I couldnt be more dedicated. I dedicate this to the scholars who came before mereal and unreal. I dedicate this to the folks who believed so hard that this book became real. But most of all, I dedicate this book to my buddy Tom, because without his boundless energy and ability to trust my crazy ideas, this book would not exist. May this book nourish your body, soul (if you still have one), and sense of humor.

Its been a wonderful journey. Mike Slater (The Five OClock Shadow Out of Time)
October 2019 Thanks to all my family who loves me for who I am. I dedicate this to them, who I hope know how much I truly love them. Thanks to Mike, my true friend, who can make a great joke turn into an idea I can run with, then trip over, fall on my face with, get creative on, lose then find again, juggle with, cook up and take pictures of, and ultimately spin gold with. Thanks for making this worthwhile. To whoever reads this: Everything happens for a reason (a quote that my mom gave me at an early age that I believe with all my heart).

I also believe that ideas and experiences have weight and power. It is up to you to do what you will with them. But, if you follow your ideas and learn from your experiences, you will have reasons for the good things that happen in your life. Thomas R. Roache, PE (The Disembodied Voice)
October 2019 The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the ability of the human stomach to correlate all its contents... (apologies to) H. P. P.

Lovecraft I have come into possession of a most singular tome. The circumstances of its arrivals are beyond strange, as it is an aged book of strange and fascinating recipes - but as my wife will tell anyone within hearing, I am no cook. I must keep it concealed from her, for I fear that her adventurous nature would dispose her to try to bring these dire dishes to fruition - and I am not at all certain that would be wise. There is evidence that others before have tried, and I shudder at the hints I have uncovered as to their fates. Such work requires insightful interpretation, research, and experimentation. I must proceed cautiously.

Not all is as it seems with this volume...

The tome you hold in you hands or other manipulatory appendages derives from an older codex. Attempts were made to civilize it. Niceties were added: tables of content, appendices, measures and servings (but... serving what?). They seem to have held.

No more of the editing staff have mysteriously vanished, though the sanity of some may have... suffered. Be warned: If cooking is a science, eldritch cooking is alchemy, prayer, and sacrifice! We have tested these versions of the terrifying dishes found in these pages. The probability of summoning a faceless elder being from beyond Time and Space is much smaller, youll be comforted to know. Your stove is far less likely to be replaced by a yawning black portal to the Dimension of Unending Wimpering. All of this came at a cost.

This is not a tome for the faint of hearth. You will be called upon still to make your best guess, to experiment, to strive and curse and rail against the forces of Unnature who laugh at our quaint and specific conventions of the kitchen. Be glad for the civilizing influence exerted by the intrepid cadre of chefs and sleuths who have tried to protect your sanity. Most of you can rest easy in the knowledge that this is and shall be all in good fun. Most of you. The Necronomnomnom serves the will of the Great Old Onesand they shall consume all. The Necronomnomnom serves the will of the Great Old Onesand they shall consume all.

You are, of course, free to remove, add, or substitute anything you find objectionable. Were sure the uncaring ancient entities from whom these rites flow wont mind, and itll all be perfectly safe. May Vega shine brightly on your efforts.

Most of this book was composed to Cryo Chamber and its collection of Lovecraftian collaboration albums. I dont know if you can cook to it, but it sure helped put in whatever you call the frame of mind necessary to covert perfectly good recipes into Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the furthest kitchens of night... Serves 1, but invoke it not thriceat peril of your very consciousness What Must Be Offered Wasabi sauce from the Men of Kikko 4 ounces soul-shatteringly cold Reyka vodka 4 ounces dried voormis dry vermouth One Spanish olive Summoning the Unspeakable Martini Prepare a large glass: bless it with the touch of a thin tendril of wasabi.

Do not completely encircle the rim, as this will allow revelers to imbibe as much or as little of the garnish as they wish. Chill the glass. Under chill Aldebaran, by the shore of the Lake of Hali (ideally), combine the two spirits. The vessel must be strong enough to contain the inevitable clash between the two. Shake violently, and strain. Once the conflict subsides, pour the conjoined spirits into the large, chilled, and prepared glass of the traditional geometry.

After pouring carefully to avoid washing the garnish into the glass, add a small Spanish olive without pimento for the look of mindless cosmic horror, or with pimento if you prefer the abyss staring back. Serves 1 Provisions 3 to 6 Ursus-Gao-mai encased in ice 10 ounces carbonic tincture of Black Cherry 2 ounces Scarlet Syrup of Maraschin-Yoh 1 ounce half-and-half Additional Ursus-Gao-mai or similar confections Preparation Freeze the creatures and keep them frozen! The bears cannot be trusted. Place them in a chilled cylinder. Mix the carbon-bearing base substrate with the dark syrup. Damn the Professors theory about the milk proteins! Add for disturbing results. Take the additional gelatinous subjects.

These must be submerged fresh. Perfectly safe, vivisected as they are. Serve and drink down your helpless victims.