Rowan Ellis - Here and Queer

Rowan Ellis

Jacky Sheridan

Hello, and welcome to this growing-up guide for queer girlspacked full of information about our culture, relationships, and history.

Im Rowan, a queer creator who makes videos about LGBTQ+ history and pop culture, and apparently now writes books about them, too! This book answers questions like, How do I find queer friends?, What counts as sex with a girl?, and How can I celebrate Pride if I dont live near a parade? Being queer has brought such strength, joy, and friendship to my lifeand Im so excited to share it with you.

Well look at the wonderful things about being a queer girl, but also some struggles you might be going through. I didnt want to sugarcoat or ignore experiences you might be familiar with, including homophobia and sexism. But I also didnt want to fall into that gloomy trope of queer pain and suffering being all there is to our collective story.

Each of us has our own unique experience of being queer; I knew that there would be things other queer people have gone through that I hadnt. So, I asked four of my friends, who also happen to be queer activists, artists, performers, and more, to share their own experiences. Its my hope that readers of this book might either be able to learn from them, or see themselves reflected in their stories, which youll find scattered through the book.

I feel its important to say that this book was written with the intention of being trans-inclusive. Trans women are women, and trans girls are girlsso of course queer trans girls are welcome in the pages of this book! For example, the chapter about sex doesnt make any assumptions about your body, or the bodies of your partnersand we talk a little about transmisogyny.

Im also aware you might be in possession of this book now, but later realize you arent actually a girl like people had always assumedor maybe you have some other messy gender-y feelings that mean you are no longer a queer girl. Hopefully, this book will still provide you with information on a history and culture that is interesting for anyone to read. And you can always pass the book along to a queer girl in your life for a bit of queer solidarity!

I wrote this with the knowledge that it was exactly what I needed but didnt have when I was a queer teen. I hope you were recommended this book by a woman with a rainbow pin in your local book store when you finally felt brave enough to ask. I hope your parent or sibling or friend gifted this to you in an act of love and support after you came out to them. I hope you make eye contact with a cute girl while reading this on the train and she gives you a shy smile when she sees the front cover. More than anything, I hope this book makes you feel seenbecause I see you, and you deserve it.

Rowan Ellis

So, youve picked up this book and turned to the first chapter. Youre ready for me to give you the 101 shortcut guide to definitively confirming your sexuality. I would love to say its as easy as taking a quick online quiz (pick your ideal fast food order and well tell you your sexuality). But for a lot of us, IT JUST ISNT THAT SIMPLE.

You are the only person who knows if youre gay, or bi, or pan, or ace, or any other identity on the wonderful LGBTQ+ spectrum. I know reading that will fill some of you with relief; it can be affirming to hear that other people cant define who you are. But I also know some of you will be saying, Rowan, thats not a real answer. I legitimately need to know if Im gaycant you just tell me?

The truth is that no one can decide for you.

But it doesnt mean you have to go through that journey alone. Something that can really help is talking to people who you know will be supportivemaybe a friend, sibling, or counselor. You might think that the first time you talk about your sexuality with someone else, you have to come out. But that isnt the case at all!

My first tentative conversations about sexuality were in an online forum for LGBTQ+ teenagers, and I spent a long time lurking and reading other peoples posts before I ever said anything. When I finally started posting, I asked questions and talked about how I was feelingall without labeling myself to my new friends. I even went to a few meet-ups while thinking of myself as a straight ally. I remember sitting in the sun surrounded by my new friends, some wearing rainbow pins and bright dungarees, others dressed in grungy jeans with shaggy hair. From the outside we probably looked like a grab-bag of different high school cliquesvery Breakfast Club-chic. It was the first time Id been asked to introduce myself with my name and pronouns. I was worriedwas this a space for people who had already figured everything out? But the host of the meet-up continued, Its just so we know if you have a preference right now that we should use. If you arent sure, you can always say different pronouns next time we meet. I remember falling back onto the parched summer grass and letting the laughter and voices of my new friends wash over me like a blanket. Talking with them wrapped me up in a feeling of absolute safetyit was a space where it was okay to not be sure.

A year later I was marching with that same group at Pride. So what happened in between to get me from shyly chatting online, to openly singing chants as we danced along the parade route?

There are three things that feed into working out your sexuality.
Let me explain.