Sam McDowell - The Saga of Sudden Sam

THE SAGA OF SUDDEN SAM

Published by Rowman & Littlefield

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Copyright 2022 by The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

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British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: McDowell, Sam, 1942 author. | Gitlin, Marty, author.

Title: The saga of Sudden Sam : the rise, fall, and redemption of Sam McDowell / Sam McDowell, with Martin Gitlin.

Description: Lanham : Rowman & Littlefield, [2022] | Includes index. | Summary: The candid autobiography of all-star pitcher Sudden Sam McDowell, whose alcohol-fueled life quickly and famously spiraled out of control, and his ultimate redemption as a counselor for other athletes suffering from addiction Provided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021027479 (print) | LCCN 2021027480 (ebook) | ISBN 9781538156414 (Cloth : acid-free paper) | ISBN 9781538156421 (ePub)

Subjects: LCSH: McDowell, Sam, 1942- | Pitchers (Baseball)United StatesBiography. | Baseball playersUnited StatesBiography. | Cleveland Indians (Baseball team)History. | Major League Baseball (Organization)History. | AlcoholicsRehabilitationUnited StatesBiography. | AddictsFamily relationships. | Self-actualization (Psychology)

Classification: LCC GV865.M2935 A3 2022 (print) | LCC GV865.M2935 (ebook) | DDC 796.357092 [B]dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021027479

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021027480

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

I would like to dedicate this book to my two children, who went through Hell and back with me; my former wife, who saved my children; my current wife, who is always there with her patience and understanding; and my parents, who never gave up on me or let up with their love and serious pressure on me for my recovery. There are so many individuals who help an alcoholic or drug addict during his or her recovery. I am no different and would like to acknowledge my mentor Dr. Abraham Twerski, Bob Case, Bill Nixon, Father Murry, and the numerous professors at Pitt and Duquesne University who gave me help and understanding, many of whom are still involved in recovery more than forty years later. And finally, yes, I would like to thank every single individual I ever worked with not mentioned here who helped me and my recovery!

Sam McDowell

For my father, who turned me on to baseball as a young child. I am forever indebted to him for that.

Martin Gitlin

O nce in a while a sport produces a larger-than-life performer, that cant-miss athlete who seems destined for greatness. And sometimes that expectation becomes as much a burden as it does a virtue.

Standing 6 foot 5 inches, with an intimidating fastball and knee-buckling curve, Sam McDowell had a piercing look that had the batter behind 02 in the count before he even threw a pitch. I know because I faced him. It was never a comfortable at-bat. It was high anxiety because of that 100 mph fastball that wasnt always in the strike zone. You see, Sam was erratic enough to win twenty games and lead the league in strikeouts five times but also to lead the league in walks and wild pitches!

Sudden Sam was expected to be a Hall of Famer like Sandy Koufax or Don Drysdale, even Bob Gibson or Juan Marichal. It turned out he was a very good Sam McDowell, but that was better than 90 percent of the pitchers of his era.

The challenge of potential is that it is usually most celebrated by those who are invested in judging talent. They do not have to perform. They have no responsibility for failure or to live up to levels reached by only a few in history. In Sams case, trying to live up to the expectations of others led to mental strain and a pressure to perform that was beyond reality. With these demands came fragility and insecurity, and that led to the need to escape.

Sam succumbed to depression and addiction, those two dreaded impostors that drain the life and career of a good man. It was a steep fall, and then a long climb back, but he had that deep-down soulful strength that takes couragethe courage to ask for help, to trust in others, and to realize you have a problem.

My favorite saying is Life is Gods gift to us; what we do with it is our gift to God. Sam fought his way back to being a voice for not giving up and for giving back. By sharing his life with those who might relate to it, and by successfully using tools similar to the ones that made him a star on the field, Sam McDowell has lived a life well worth living.

Steve Garvey

I was gripped by a sense of hopelessness. So I gripped my chrome-plated.38-caliber revolver. Then I placed it to my head. I had concluded that suicide was the only escape from my despair.

The date of my attempt to blow my brains out remains as hazy as the alcoholic fog that controlled my life for years. This chilling moment occurred in the chilly winter after a 1963 baseball season during which I experienced my first bouts with drunkenness and continued failures on the mound as a prized pitching prospect for the Cleveland Indians. My wife Carol Ann had left me and taken our baby daughter Debbie with her. I could not live like that so I decided to die.

My self-absorbed personality would not allow me to consider the consequences. I never reflected upon the anguish my death would have brought my family, friends, and fans. I did not realize that addiction is a disease of escapism that negatively affects the part of the brain that deals with fear, logic, decision making, and chance taking. Feelings of loneliness and misery perpetuated by what I perceived as abandonment by Carol rather than a departure justified by my behavior sent dangerous ideas swirling through my mind. So I pulled the trigger.

Nothing.

In loading the gun after cleaning it, I had unknowingly inserted a dead shell along with live loads. The gun clicked on the dead shell and never fired. I cashed in on a 17 percent survival rate. To this day I do not know why I did not try again. Perhaps my will to live proved stronger than my desire to perish. Perhaps the attempt to take my life was so traumatic that it scared me straight. I recall a vague sense that maybe I could figure out the problem. I believed it just enough to not try again. I just sat there in amazement, stunned. The introspection began. I remember thinking that I could not even do this right.

Whatever the reason, I am today very thankful that fate stepped in. The cost of my ignorance and immaturity was my marriage, career, and years of depression that I could not even identify as depression. But decades after my suicide attempt I finally gained self-actualization that brought happiness and contentment into my life. And I understood the disease that motivated me to try to end my life.