Imogen Lloyd Webber - The Single Girls Survival Guide: Secrets for Todays Savvy, Sexy, and Independent Women

THE SINGLE GIRLS SURVIVAL GUIDE

Copyright 2007, 2018 by Imogen Lloyd Webber

Published by arrangement with Summersdale Publishers Ltd, Chichester, UK.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Jane Sheppard

Cover illustration by iStockphoto

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-3125-7

Printed in China

For my lovely Mum

C ONTENTS

A S INGLE G IRL S S URVIVAL G UIDE G LOSSARY

AG: Attached Girl.

ALL TEXT NO TROUSERS: Phrase used to describe a man who texts on a regular basis suggesting you should meet up, but never actually comes up with a date (see also Clit Teaser ).

AS: Accidental Sex, an SG s version of the one-night stand. Only in exceptional circumstances will an SG have had a premeditated intention for an encounter to unfold in so unclothed a way as it did, or be under the impression there will be no repeat performances.

BIG DUVET: Time spent in ones own abode under ones very own duvet.

BF: Best Friend. Even more precious to you than your shoe collection.

BUNBURY: From Oscar Wildes The Importance of Being Earnest ; an imaginary friend with a very real role in getting an SG out of things she would rather not do.

CABBAGE: A cab/taxi; somewhere the in-demand SG aims to spend a significant proportion of her time, for then her heels can be high and she has a chance of making almost all her engagements.

CLIT TEASER: An Object/Distraction who flirts, but does not follow through.

CL: Conversation List. A thought process or written list prepared for any type of discussion, with a number of questions for you to ask and replies to inquiries likely to be aimed in your direction.

DISTRACTION: A male (or even female) an SG has her eye on for non-platonic affairs (see also Object ).

DO DINNER OFF THE MIRROR (VERB): To eschew food for hoovering cocaine.

EX PLOITATION: Exploitation of skills, knowledge, or items obtained from your ex-boyfriends to improve your lifestyle.

FYI (VERB): From the abbreviation For Your Information. To let someone know something of pertinence.

GBF: Gay Best Friend.

GENUINE GIRLFRIEND: A female friend whom an SG can confide in with complete confidence and who absolutely always abides by the girls code of behavior, never kissing any of said SGs exes.

GIRL PLAYMATE: A female friend who is fantastic to have fun with, but is not necessarily a suitable person to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets to.

HOOVER (VERB): To snort cocaine.

HORRORSCOPES: Horoscopes. To be consulted sparingly and with a spoonful of salt.

IPOD ICEBREAKER: A textbook conversation-creating tactic, where a person asks another what the most embarrassing song on his/her iPod is, then reveals theirs.

IN HARMS WAY: To put yourself in with a chance of attaining something you desire, most often a new Distraction/Object or job.

JOINER: A sanctimonious soul who enjoys organized group activities. If said activities take place outside, Joiners will be keen they go ahead whatever the weather.

KISS (VERB): A euphemism which covers all exchange of bodily fluids between an SG and a Distraction/Object , i.e., from literally just kissing someone to full-blown sex.

KISS AND CUDDLE (VERB): Full-blown sex.

METROSEXUAL: A male who spends a vast proportion of his disposable income on his grooming and lifestyle.

NFI (VERB): To Not F**king Invite someone to an event; the aim of the game is to be FId as much as possible.

OBJECT: As in Object of Affection; a male (or female) an SG has her eye on for non-platonic affairs (see also Distraction ).

PB: Platonic Boyfriend. A male friend of the SG whom she does not kiss ; the Boy version of the Girl Playmate .

PLAY (VERB): The adult version of childrens play. To have fun; may encompass kissing .

PMDL: A Promise Much, Deliver Little boy. PMDLs are a selection of scoundrels who bruise egos or even break hearts.

PRE-BOUND (VERB): To find a new job/relationship before ditching the old one.

PULL THE RIPCORD (VERB): To decide it is time to exit a gathering. Your Wingman may occasionally have to pull your ripcord for you if you have been the life and soul of the party a little too long and have suddenly come over all emotional.

RADIO CONTACT: Contact with friends via cell phone.

RETROSEXUAL: A male who spends the smallest proportion possible of his disposable income on grooming and lifestyle, preferring the caveman approach.

SG: The Single Girl, our heroine.

S&MBF: Straight and Male Best Friend.

SOCIAL HAND GRENADE: A person who will cause chaos whatever the social setting. Best for an SG not to select as a Wingman , unless she is mischief-making.

SQUEAKY: A small, stupid female who is a mans woman, rather than a girly girl. Will blank an SG if she has a Distraction she can flirt with in the vicinity.

WINGMAN: The person from an SGs friends whom she chooses to accompany her on events/nights out, etc. Identity will alter, depending on function.

I NTRODUCTION

I T IS A truth which should be universally acknowledged that a single girl can be in possession of the most wonderful life. No longer is the Single Girl (SG) one of Jane Austens husband hunters, or simply a spinster; instead, think Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw. Single women are allowing themselves to be celebratedbut to a point. Both Bridget and Carrie only reach fulfillment when they ride off into the sunset with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Big.

One day your prince will come goes the saying: but what if your knight-in-shining-Armanis GPS has sent him up a one-way street? Is the SG to sit and pine? Or waste her time desperately seeking (stalking?) a man, which is enough to make any male specimen sprint in the opposite directionespecially if he hears her biological clock ticking like Peter Pans crocodile? When a relationship is right, it is wondrous. But when its not, what is the point? You can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you can ever be when you are single. Being attached is fun, but as an SG you have so many delicious possibilities to explore. You may not be unattached foreverso take advantage of the single lifestyle while you can. Seize the day.