Andrea Bain - Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isnt a Problem to Be Solved

There is no right or wrong way to be single. Theres also no guarantee that you will meet the love of your life by age 27, date for two years, then get engaged and be married by 30. What will most likely happen is youll have a few crushes in my case a lot of crushes. Some will like you back while others wont even know youre alive. Eventually youll fall in love, which will feel so good I wont even bother trying to describe it to you. Some of your relationships will just fizzle, and some will break your heart into so many pieces that putting it back together will seem impossible.

At times you might be embarrassed to admit that youre still single because deep down you thought you would be married by now. Stop trying to explain to people why youre not. You dont owe them any answers. Conversely, never look at being single as a failure. Your life isnt about relationships but rather all the moments in between. Dont be afraid of your own company because no one can love you as much as you should love yourself. Loving yourself and learning to be self-sufficient are badges of honour not only do they set the standard for how you want to be treated, but I believe these abilities give you the tools to be a better human being. Get to know who you are instead of waiting for some magical person to walk into your life and make you more adventurous, richer, nicer, smarter, sexier, or more relaxed in your own skin. Thats too big a job for anyone to take on anyway. At the end of the day, all anyone wants to be is loved and appreciated, not burdened with your unresolved issues.

Being dumped is not the end of the world; instead, be thankful for the experience because youll grow more from those uncomfortable moments than from any of the nice relationships. One of the most important gifts youll receive as you get older is learning to listen and trust your inner voice its always right. If youre in tune with your gut and if you listen to your inner voice, youll be able to tell when a relationship isnt working or know if the person youre dating is lying or cheating. And never let your desire to be in a relationship supersede your need to be happy.

Heres another very valuable piece of advice: no matter how cute that guy is, dont ever let him mistreat you or make you feel inferior. When you die no one will write the number of likes your Instagram photos got on your tombstone, so refrain from posting provocative pictures to get men to poke and double-tap. That attention is superficial. You are more than just your outward appearance; whats on the inside counts just as much if not more. Lastly, if you ever get approached by a married man, pivot and run in the opposite direction.

These are all of the things I wish someone had told me before I started dating. Instead I had to learn these lessons through trial and error. I read a million self- help books and articles, watched every Oprah episode about relationships, studied and talked about relationships on television for over three years, and, most importantly, went to therapy before I put it all together.

A lot of this book is based on my experiences as a heterosexual woman trying to navigate the dating world in the twenty-first century, but my hope is that this book will empower, educate, and entertain gay, straight, trans, and bisexual people. That being said, I also know that I cant be everything to everyone.

Dating in the twenty-first century is nothing like it was 50 or so years ago. Back then things were simpler: people in their early 20s dated with the intention of getting married. It was the only way a girl could survive if she didnt want to live with her parents forever. A womans virtue was more important than her getting a diploma. Today the dating process is way more complex, and so are we. Women around the world in countries like Australia, Japan, Canada, India, and the United States are making major strides in the workforce, steadily climbing the corporate ladder, and breaking glass ceilings. The number of women in the highest paying jobs at the top 100 largest companies has doubled in the last 10 years, and attitudes toward women in leadership roles has changed for the better. At the same time, courtship has changed a lot as well. People are waiting longer to tie the knot, and technology has changed the playing field. Now theres online dating, texting instead of phone calls, dick pics, apps that help you break up with a person, and sliding into DMs. Even the dating language has changed. These seismic shifts in the twenty-first century have led many successful single women to ask, Is it possible to have it all? Are men intimidated by my achievements? Is it my destiny to spend the rest of my life alone?