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Beth Griffenhagen - Haiku for the Single Girl

Here you can read online Beth Griffenhagen - Haiku for the Single Girl full text of the book (entire story) in english for free. Download pdf and epub, get meaning, cover and reviews about this ebook. year: 2012, publisher: Canongate Books, genre: Art. Description of the work, (preface) as well as reviews are available. Best literature library LitArk.com created for fans of good reading and offers a wide selection of genres:

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Beth Griffenhagen Haiku for the Single Girl
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    Haiku for the Single Girl
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I feel its approach,

Inevitable as death:

Internet dating.

Unsolicited relationship advice from relatives, disastrous dates, men who wear thumb rings, and the moments of deep satisfaction when a single girl realizes that (unlike her smug married friends) she can do whatever she wants with her time - its all here in this brilliantly incisive and witty collection of haikus. Every woman - whether single or not - will laugh until she cries, and then start laughing all over again.

Beth Griffenhagen: author's other books


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I feel its approach Inevitable as death Internet dating I walk home alone - photo 1

I feel its approach,
Inevitable as death:
Internet dating.
I walk home alone,
Bag covered in Wotsits dust.
Should this depress me?

My childhood sweetheart Has a toddler and a gut But Id take him back I am - photo 2

My childhood sweetheart Has a toddler and a gut But Id take him back I am - photo 3

My childhood sweetheart
Has a toddler, and a gut,
But Id take him back.
I am convinced that
All available men are
Somehow damaged goods.

This town is alive With everything except Eligible men I smile to myself - photo 4

This town is alive With everything except Eligible men I smile to myself - photo 5

This town is alive
With everything except
Eligible men.
I smile to myself
Because I have a secret:
My time is my own.

Halloween party I go as the Swedish Chef Note to self not cute Sadly the - photo 6

Halloween party I go as the Swedish Chef Note to self not cute Sadly the - photo 7

Halloween party;
I go as the Swedish Chef.
Note to self: not cute.
Sadly, the only
Guy Im going steady with
Is my bartender.

What makes me nervous Is the thought that Ill forget How to date at all After - photo 8

What makes me nervous Is the thought that Ill forget How to date at all After - photo 9

What makes me nervous
Is the thought that Ill forget
How to date at all.
After a dry spell
Its impressive how quickly
Standards are lowered.

I now understand The appeal of younger men Which makes me feel old Whoa-oh - photo 10

I now understand The appeal of younger men Which makes me feel old Whoa-oh - photo 11

I now understand
The appeal of younger men,
Which makes me feel old.
Whoa-oh here she comes,
Watch out boy, shell chew you up!
Eh, Ive been called worse.

I always feel proud So why is it referred to As the walk of shame Blind dates - photo 12

I always feel proud So why is it referred to As the walk of shame Blind dates - photo 13

I always feel proud,
So why is it referred to
As the walk of shame?
Blind dates arent so blind
These days, but theyre still filled with
Possibility.

If youre into her Dont make her your Facebook friend Be a man and text I try - photo 14

If youre into her Dont make her your Facebook friend Be a man and text I try - photo 15

If youre into her
Dont make her your Facebook friend.
Be a man, and text!
I try to avoid
Artistic communities.
(Throws off my gaydar.)

I hope that men will Forgive me for not being Zooey Deschanel Eyelash - photo 16

I hope that men will Forgive me for not being Zooey Deschanel Eyelash - photo 17

I hope that men will
Forgive me for not being
Zooey Deschanel.
Eyelash extensions?
Really? This is standard now?
Shit, man... I give up.

Whenever I spot A cool pair of shoes attached A Japanese chick I just bought - photo 18

Whenever I spot A cool pair of shoes attached A Japanese chick I just bought - photo 19

Whenever I spot
A cool pair of shoes, attached:
A Japanese chick.
I just bought makeup
That offers more coverage.
The battle begins...

It turns out staring Is a great way to seduce narcissistic men Sure I have - photo 20

It turns out staring Is a great way to seduce narcissistic men Sure I have - photo 21

It turns out staring
Is a great way to seduce
(narcissistic) men.
Sure, I have a type:
Tall, dark, and handsome with a
Peter Pan complex.

Spotted from afar I give him the head to toe Oh Fuck you thumb ring - photo 22

Spotted from afar I give him the head to toe Oh Fuck you thumb ring - photo 23

Spotted from afar
I give him the head to toe.
Oh! Fuck you, thumb ring.
Solitude causes
Loneliness, yes, but also
Fits of ecstasy.


When its bad you think I could be a lesbian Alas oral sex Always on the - photo 24

When its bad you think I could be a lesbian Alas oral sex Always on the - photo 25

When its bad, you think,
I could be a lesbian.
Alas, oral sex.
Always, on the train
Babies stare at me, wide-eyed.
My ovaries hurt.

It would appear that My biological clock Has a snooze button At a friends - photo 26

It would appear that My biological clock Has a snooze button At a friends - photo 27

It would appear that
My biological clock
Has a snooze button.
At a friends wedding,
Of course the biggest douche bag
Is hitting on me.

In my neighbourhood Even the homeless woman Has a boyfriend Sigh No more late - photo 28

In my neighbourhood Even the homeless woman Has a boyfriend Sigh No more late - photo 29

In my neighbourhood
Even the homeless woman
Has a boyfriend. Sigh.
No more late night texts.
All my booty calls got bored.
Or worse, got girlfriends.


Some girls find ice cream Therapeutic Ill stick to Drinking heavily - photo 30

Some girls find ice cream Therapeutic Ill stick to Drinking heavily - photo 31

Some girls find ice cream
Therapeutic... Ill stick to
Drinking heavily.
Internet stalking...
Oh, sugar pie, honey bunch,
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