Jennifer Bawden - Get a Life, Then Get a Man: A Single Womans Guide

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Table of Contents

Go happy hunting in the dating jungle ...

Think about it. Youre a modern, self-sufficient woman who makes her own choices and decisions. You go after what you want: job, lifestyle ... so why not men? In Get a Life, Then Get a Man, Jennifer Bawden shows you how to

Decide where to go, who to meet, how to take charge, initiate encounters, and make things happen

Identify a mans developmental stages: the 20s, 30s, 40sand how they affect who and what hes looking for

Accept that you are not perfect

Become more grounded in your goals

Develop the kind of confidence that will draw people to you

Master the art of female diplomacy

Make a memorable first impression

Make gracious exits

Avoid unhealthy choices: Bad Boys, Someone Elses Husband, and Sugar Daddies

Salvage a disaster date

Recover from a broken heart

Keep your options open

From setting objectives to nurturing friendships to being kind to yourself, this essential guide offers practical guidance and inspirational advice for every aspect of your life. Youll become the woman you always wanted to beand meet fantastic men in the process!

Jennifer Bawdens fashion designs have been featured on the cover of Cosmopolitan, and have been worn by many celebrities, including Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Ivana Trump, and Mariel Hemingway. She has been the recipient of Best New Talent Awards from Carolina Herrera, Dana Buchman, and the Fashion Institute of Design, and has been featured in magazines and newspapers including Town and Country, Elle, The New York Times Magazine Fashion Supplement, and Cond Nast Traveler. Get a Life, Then Get a Man is her first book.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I dedicate this book to my amazing family of friends who are the most important component of my life. Your love, support, enthusiasm, and belief in me have been the fuel for my continual metamorphosis on lifes incredible journey. Oswald Bjelland, Dr. Adrian Denese, Bobbie Dupurton, Joanie and Sue Lennard, Sue Loranger, Sonja Pettingill, Albert Piacente, Leslie Vail, Allison Van Nest, Mike Weinstock, Alexandra Thilo, and, last but not least, my grandmother Sybil Grayburn, whose graciousness and kindness have always inspired me.

I also want to warmly thank the following people who generously shared their stories, wisdom, comments, criticism, or encouragement: Ann Doiron, Dick Levy, Alice Fasano, Sam Arcara, Louise Bresky, Mike Asante, Dawn Gallager, Jill Foote, Michelle Golden, Karen Gruber, Enid Haller, Robert Hochberg, Marnie Inskip, Rob Laidlaw, Tracy Mattikow, Andrew McKeon, Nancy Michula, John Norwood, Peter Schwartz, Ian Shapolsky, Randy Waterfield, Dr. Bridget Martel, Amanda Lang, Etienne Boillot, David Keisman, Leslie Barrett, Andrea Austin, Carol Sterbenz, and Stephen Warley.

Special thanks to Bob Leonard, Ken Leone, Nancy Romano, and my dear friends Andrea Ashford, Ed Rotter, Rich Lebuhn, and Randal Stempler for solving my seemingly endless computer problems.

Through the twenty-nine months it took me to complete this book, I had many assistants transcribe or type various drafts of this book. They not only worked endless hard hours with me, but their cheerful, warm, and positive demeanors made the time fun. I would especially like to thank: Karen Budham-Ali, Rachel Burward-Hoy, Pebbles Byndloss, Kristian Dietz, Yoon Jordan, Jenna Klatell, Jennifer Kushner, Kerissa Rodrick, and Ann Swituszak. Most especially Katrina Green and Peggy Holguin who, with never a whimper, often worked the night or weekend shift to meet our deadlines.

I am also eternally grateful to Elsa Burt, Kate OBrien Ahlers, and Sarah Demaree for their patience and persistence in editing different drafts of this manuscript.

Thanks to Steve Garrin for his incredible video-editing skills and to Sam Glenn, cameraman extraordinaire.

Thanks to Celine Dion, Andrea Bocelli, and Barbra Streisand, whose incredible voices kept me company during months of endless rewrites.

Special acknowledgment goes to Ron Nixon, for his creative ideas and unparalleled sense of humor; and to Camilla Rees for her wise counsel and steadfast commitment.

My heartfelt appreciation for their publicity skills goes to Rick Bard, Patti Cumming, Nancy Moon, Barb Tollis, Kim Murphy, Brant Janeway, Annie Jennings, Jay Severin, and the incredibly generous Jeff Jayson, mentor extraordinaire.

It would be impossible to find a better editor. I owe my greatest debt to Jennifer Dickerson Kasius at Plume, and my agent, Neeti Madan at Charlotte Sheedy/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc. for believing in me.

Thank you everyone for being star players on my team.

Introduction

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl but thinks girl doesnt like him. Actually, girl likes boy a lot, but she plays by the rules, pretending that she doesnt like him by playing hard to get. Boy gives up and looks elsewhere.

Have you read rule books that promote dating as a game and passivity as the winning strategy?

Did you: (a) laugh and toss your rule books down the toilet; (b) see red and throw them across the room; or (c) cry and hide them under your pillow, just in case?

Are youor would you like to bea strong, independent, confident woman in charge of her own life, one who isnt afraid to go after what she wants?

Are you sick of feeling that aspiring to be any of the above makes you unattractive to men?

Do you detest game-playing and dishonesty?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then welcome! Youre not aloneand take heart, because someone has finally written a book for you!

Books teaching women to be looks-obsessed, passive, or untrue to their real feelings in order to catch a man imply that our real, amazing selves are simply not good enoughor somehow too much to handle and we must therefore pretend to be someone were not. I want to offer an alternative to women who have worked toward independence and achievement and who believe its possible to apply sensible, straightforward strategies in the search for a lifetime partner.

I came to New York City from Canada without knowing a soul, so I know how tough it can be to meet new people. But with perseverance, I navigated the crowd, built my own fashion business, formed a strong group of girlfriends, and met many of the worlds most interesting and exciting men. My unconventional, proactive approach to meeting people produced rapid-fire results and greatly enriched my life. I let my girlfriends in on my approach, and the ones who adopted these proactive techniques have met and built relationships with dynamic, loving menincluding CEOs, doctors, investment bankers, artists, TV producers, even real-life princes. As a direct result of my tactics, thirty-five of my friends found their husband, wife, or fiance.

The Past

There was a time when society gave power and importance to men automatically. They ran the institutions and made the rules and the important decisions. Women adapted to their environment and conditions. We were, for the most part, confined at home. We were shopped around by a suitable chaperone, and then we waited for men to drop off their calling cards. We dated and most often married the men our families (usually our fathers) had chosen. We married young or earned the dreaded title of spinster.

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