Tony A. Gaskins Jr. - Single Is Not A Curse

Introduction

A S A MARRIED relationship coach, I often find myself coaching singles on how to find and maintain a marriage. I have discovered that the majority of singles do not desire to be single, and many actually despise single life. Some, however, have reached a place of acceptance for singlehood and have learned to embrace everything that comes along with it.

As a married man, I learned in marriage what I wish I had learned while single. Marriage taught me how to appreciate single life and see it as a training ground. I received the wrong training during my single years, and paid the price after wedlock; those overdue lessons nearly ruined my marriage.

I was sitting up late one evening having a discussion with my wife about how there are so many single and unhappy people out in the world. We are both frequently bombarded with questions from singles. That conversation sparked the fire for me to pen this book. Im writing this book for all singles and those who are preparing to end toxic relationships to be single again. I want to help you see the beauty and benefits of single life and utilize it to the fullest. I also want to prepare you for lasting love.

Single life is the training ground; it is imperative that you are training the right way. It would be impossible for me to cover every aspect of single life in extensive detail, but I will provide you with solid fundamentals in hopes that this can help you not only find peace while single, but also attract real love if that is what you truly desire. If you have flipped through any of my previous books, then you know that I dont pull punches. So take a deep breath, get a pen and pad, and lets go to work! Remember, Im not a Journalism major; Im a servant. My writing style is not by the book, but I write from my heart. Understand that!

Why Are
You Single?

I KNOW A LOT of singles who despise being asked, Why are you single? Well, its a necessary question. You will do yourself a huge favor by asking it. If you are single for reasons beyond your control or your knowledge and are 100% fine with your status, then great. If you are not happy being single, then you need to find out what actions you can take to attract the love of your life.

It is critical that you do not lie to yourself. We sometimes tell ourselves that we do not want something because we cannot attain it at the moment. That is a huge mistake, but its practically human nature. To soothe our emotional wounds, we try to convince ourselves that we do not want love and that love isnt for everybody. That mindset is dangerous. Its dangerous because you actually begin to believe that lie. Unfortunately, in this case, you will attract into your life what you believe. If you believe that love is not for you, then your face and demeanor will express that without you even realizing it.

Just be honest about the question and if there is something in your power that you can change, change it. If there is nothing in your power that you can change, its a sign that it is simply not your time and your focus should be on other aspects of your life. You just have to figure out your answer and then take action.

I work with clients who seem well-rounded and perfectly ready for love but still cannot seem to attract it. Even though there may be no obvious flaws, they still fail to find lifelong mates. They believe there is very little they can change about themselves; when people feel this way, it is vital for them to fulfill other areas in life. To be prepared to embark on a loving relationship with another person, it is essential to answer ones true calling. Many times people will ignore their personal callings; yet prematurely answer the call to love. As a result, they never get to fulfill their own purpose because it was derailed. Many people want love so desperately that they attract it before attracting their dreams, and sometimes having both fails to work out as smoothly as they had hoped.

It is almost impossible for a person to have absolutely nothing to work on while in waiting. None of us are perfect, so there is always something that can be done physically, mentally and/or emotionally. The key is to recognize that and then take action. I have noticed our world growing more and more superficial than ever before. Everything is based on looks, tastes, style, sexual attraction and material possessions. With social media buzzing like crazy and a plethora of fake reality TV shows airing each day, our world has become highly sexually charged. I have tried many times to match couples that are seemingly perfect, both spiritually and emotionally but then one of them does not like something physical about the other person. In my experience as a relationship coach, I have come to find that many people want others who simply do not want them back. Whats worse is that these people are clueless to the fact that the affection is not mutual, so they expend more and more effort trying to attract a certain type and it never comes to fruition.

Women tend to be picky about the types of men they will date, and men are even pickier. If I survey a wise woman, I find that she will eventually take a chance on a guy she would not normally date. I can have that same type of talk with a man, and he will not budge on what he likes. The sad part is that what he likes, might not like him back. That is typically the case, and it goes both ways.

My grandmother had a saying: Like who likes you, not who you like. Now that cannot be taken literally in every sense, but in its purest form it means that you should appreciate someone who appreciates you. Ordinarily a person wants someone who is a trophy piece; there is a failure to realize that the trophy sees the other person as just a shelf and not as another trophy. Why do we operate this way?