Tony A. Gaskins Jr. - Make It Work: 22 Time-Tested, Real-Life Lessons for Sustaining a Healthy, Happy Relationship

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Copyright 2019 by Soul Writers, LLC

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Howard Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Howard Books hardcover edition January 2019

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Interior design by Davina Mock-Maniscalco

Jacket design by Min Choi

Jacket photograph by Tyree Anderson

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Gaskins, Tony A., author.

Title: Make it work : 22 time-tested, real-life lessons for sustaining a healthy, happy relationship / Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

Description: New York : Howard Books, [2019]

Identifiers: LCCN 2018028708 (print) | LCCN 2018031673 (ebook) | ISBN 9781501199349 (E-book) | ISBN 9781501199325 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781501199332 (pbk.)

Subjects: LCSH: Man-woman relationships. | Couples. | Interpersonal relations. | Interpersonal conflict.

Classification: LCC HQ801 (ebook) | LCC HQ801 .G355 2019 (print) | DDC 306.7dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018028708.

ISBN 978-1-5011-9932-5

ISBN 978-1-5011-9934-9 (ebook)

If you dont learn how to love, someone will teach you how to hate. Then youll confuse the two.

L ove is the greatest wonder of the world. For thousands of years we have tried to figure it out, but still we struggle to make it work. I became a student of love early in life. I had my first girlfriend in kindergarten, although Im not sure that counts. As early as tenth grade, I can recall conducting three-way phone calls with two girls who needed advice about their boyfriends. As I grew into young adulthood, I went on to make every mistake a man can make in love. I was the worst boyfriend a girl could find but wrapped in the best package. I was a nightmare disguised as a dream. I said all the right things and had the rsum to match. It didnt hurt that I wasnt the ugliest guy on the block, either. I was lost, confused, and trying to figure out love. I broke hearts, and I had my heart broken. By the age of twenty-two, Id already dated over a hundred ladies, and Id kept very good notes. I turned all my mistakes into lessons. I allowed my pain to birth my purpose. My mess became my message. I decided to use my story for Gods glory. At twenty-three years old, I married the love of my life. A month later, our first son was born. Two months after that, I was robbed of my car, which was my most prized possession. That sent me to my knees, and I questioned the decisions Id made up until that point. Its crazy how the loss of a material possession can shake a man to his core. I decided to rededicate my life to Christ, and began living with my Christian values again. The first two years of marriage were the most challenging, and I admit I made some mistakes. By the end of the first two years of marriage, I got my act together. I began sharing my lessons online, and the tweets started going viral. Then I went to Facebook. Then I expanded to Instagram. Millions of people hit the follow or like buttons on my posts. I realized then that my mistakes werent in vain. Christ is a redeemer. My story is proof of that. They say certain types of people cant change; well, Im one of those people who truly changed.

Ill never refer to myself as a guru or an expert. Although many have labeled me as such, I choose to call myself a servant. There are people who once knew me and women I once dated who cant believe the man I am today. They cannot believe my transformation is real, but it is. Had I not changed, I wouldnt be writing this book today.

I began writing books at the age of twenty-two. I prayed and asked God to double my wisdom every day. I prayed for strength, grace, mercy, and favor. I knew He gave me a simple message about love that human nature tends to complicate. Sharing my message online began to open up to a new world full of opportunities. People began to ask me to speak at their events. They had never heard me speak and didnt know if I had the ability or charisma to carry a stage, but they invited me anyway. I was invited to speak at various events ranging from church retreats and high schools to seminars for professional athletes. The NBA called me in to speak to the rookie classes, and an NFL team called me to speak to their athletes. I spoke on toxic relationships and the concept of becoming a man. Womens groups began inviting me to their events to serve as the male voice. Based on my online work, they could tell I didnt pull any punches but that my aim was to help and serve. You see, I played the game at a high level and I did a lot of dirt. You cant truly have a life-changing message unless youve had life-changing circumstances.

Then I received requests from around the world. It started with Johannesburg, South Africa. I spoke to one crowd of 2,000 and another crowd of more than 5,000. Johannesburg featured me on every media outlet, and millions of people saw my face or heard my voice. More than 100,000 people in Africa joined my social media following.

I was called to speak on two other continents and in more than ten countries. I was only thirty years old. Top celebrities, entertainers, and professional athletes began to reach out to me. High-profile figures flew me in to their homes to ask for my insight into personal relationship issues. Before long, television networks began calling me to appear on program episodes as a life coach. Many production companies have been trying to find the right show for me, but Im patient because the message has to be packaged just right. In our world, the truth as I tell it isnt always popular. Im compelled to share it because it changed my life and the lives of thousands of others.

At the age of thirty-one, I was called to be the life coach for an NBA team. This was after occupying that role for several Division I college teams. I didnt ask for the opportunities; they found me while I was in the fields working. I cant say I was always ready; the organizations had never utilized life coaches prior to my involvement, so they were unsure of my role. Truthfully, I wasnt completely sure myself. God and I created a blueprint for the space. I made mistakes, and I learned from them. Ive dedicated my life to teaching as I learn. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so I teach daily. If it has helped me, I know it can help someone else. Its my work to share what Ive learned.