Tony A. Gaskins - A Womans Influence: Own Your Worth, Cultivate Your Power, and Change Your Relationships for the Better

ALSO BY TONY A. GASKINS JR.

Make It Work

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Interior design by Jill Putorti

Jacket design by Min Choi

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Gaskins, Tony A., author. | Gaskins, Sheri, author.

Title: A womans influence : own your worth, cultivate your power, and

change your relationships for the better / Tony A. Gaskins Jr., Sheri Gaskins.

Description: New York : Howard Books, 2020.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020000580 | ISBN 9781501199356 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781501199370 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Man-woman relationships. | Relationship quality. | Sex role.

Classification: LCC HQ801 .G37 2020 | DDC 305.3dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020000580

ISBN 978-1-5011-9935-6

ISBN 978-1-5011-9937-0 (ebook)

Ive been on this journey since 2007. It started as me trying to right my wrongs. Id been so many things to women, but always I had been less than the man I could have been. As luck or destiny would have it, I had saved the best of me for the woman who would become my wife. In other words, I met my match. Theres an inexplicable desire in a man to settle for less than his best manhood. We take shortcuts in love and relationships but somehow expect grand results. I was no different.

Then I met this woman whod had enough. I met her right after a toxic relationship Id had. Shed gone through something similar. I wanted to play more games, and she was fed up with the games. Her tolerance for mens games was maxed out, and she was about business. Although she was only nineteen, shed doubled her experience as if she were forty. Game, set, match. The days of her dealing with grown boys were over. She would require my best, but I wasnt aware of that in the beginning. It wasnt long before I found out.

We clicked immediately. Our first meet-up lasted six hours. When I got up off the bench, I had the imprint of the seat in my shorts because wed sat so long discussing everything from sports to politics. Our hearts were yearning for real love, but only one of us knew the path to it. I wasnt the one who would guide us into eternal love, nor was I even a willing participant at times. I wanted love but not the work it takes to have it. Everyone says they want love, but not many want to do the work.

For more than twelve years now, Ive taught on love, and so much of my knowledge was formed because of my relationship with my wife. Greater than any education, certification, or training is real-life experience. If you ask anyone from any field, theyll tell you there is no greater teacher than the experience. Ive lived and Ive loved at the highest level. Ive gained lessons from my lower self and from my higher self. All lessons coincide, yet they all contradict. Theres a flow and a balance when understanding real love. Certain lessons apply to certain moments, and another lesson may contradict the one you need in this moment. You have to know whats right for youand what isnt.

I am so enthralled by love that I dont have any choice but to teach what Ive learned. My wife isnt the same. Shes more of a doer than a talker. She lives and lives fully. But Ive been able to convince her to share some of what shes learned and some of what shes taught me along the way. I dont believe there are ample words for everything weve discovered, but this is our effort. Im the one who loves writing about my journey. Shes the one who loves living hers. In this book, Im going to pour my heart out, and my wife will add her touches as she sees fit. Theres something that tells me Im still under her spell of feminine influence, and if she lists every ingredient, it will break the spell. This spell isnt magical; its spiritual. Its deeper than weve ever gone in love, and weve noticed that not many have experienced it. Its not bondage; its freedom. Its not sinful; its righteous. Its not painful; its blissful. Theres no fantasy; its all reality. Let us take you on this journey to understanding a womans influence in a very real way.

Chapter 1 A MANS WORLD

From the White House to your house, we live with the worlds reasoning that a man should lead without the influence of a woman. For thousands of years, women were suppressed to a life of being barefoot and pregnant. I believed everything I was taught about women and everything I saw play out in the world around me. It all said that a man is the head and a woman is the tail. Its a mans world, and men have all the say in what happens. Millions of women believe the same thing. Although theres an uprising of women who are determined to shake things up, the majority of women I meet have suppressed their inner wisdom and greatness to assume a lesser role in life.

Most of the women I meet and see portrayed on television who are fighting against the system seem to be doing so from a place of anger and frustration. I cant blame them because Im sure Id be upset if the world had its foot on my neck and shackles on my feet. In a lot of ways, the fights of women and people of color are similar. Imagine the fight of a woman of color. That has to be the lowest position in the world, if were being honest. To be born a certain race or to be born a woman are things beyond our control. Yet you have to suffer the consequences of which you cant control. This book isnt about race relations, so Ill speak from a male perspective about the downside of being a woman. I know every woman knows what its like more than I do, but Im speaking because I was a part of the side causing the pain. Id like to explain what it is and why it is.

Men operate from fear. Fear is the reason men join gangs. Fear is the reason men join fraternities. Fear is the reason men get tattoos. Fear is the reason men do anything, really. Some men come into this knowledge and consciously change the place from which they operate. Men join gangs out of fear of being bullied or fear of being seen as uncool. Men get tattoos out of fear of being seen as soft, uncool, or unattractive to women. Men join fraternities out of fear of being left out, ostracized, seen as uncool or unconnected. Yes, there are real reasons and positive reasons why we do some of these things, too, but if you dig deep enough, the root is fearnot love. Fear is the same reason a man will deny this truth to himself and to his woman reading this book. A man will say, Thats just Tonys opinion; hes only speaking for himself. I am speaking from experience, but some truths are universal. If you get to the root of things, what sense does it make to do a lot of what we do?