Tony Evans - For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband

For Married Women Only

Three Principles for

Honoring Your Husband

Tony Evans

M OODY P UBLISHERS
CHICAGO

2010 by
A NTHONY T. E VANS

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

All websites listed herein are accurate at the time of publication, but may change in the future or cease to exist. The listing of website references and resources does not imply publisher endorsement of the sites entire contents. Groups, corporations, and organizations are listed for informational purposes, and listing does not imply publisher endorsement of their activities.

Editor: Christopher Reese
Interior Design: Ragont Design
Cover Design: John Hamilton Design
Cover Image: iStock

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Evans, Tony, 1949
For married women only : three principles to ignite love / Tony Evans.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-8024-4383-0
1. WivesReligious life. 2. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity.
I. Title.
BV4528.15.E945 2010
248.8435dc22

2010007625

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T HE S KILL OF S UBMISSION

T he story is told of two escaped prisoners who were on the run through the woods when they heard the tracking dogs barking behind them and realized the guards were closing in. The first prisoner scrambled up a tree in the hopes of throwing the dogs off. The second prisoner decided he would do the same thing and ran to a nearby tree, which he also climbed.

As the prisoners hid among the branches and listened, the dogs grew closer. Before long they were barking at the base of the tree where the first prisoner was hiding. He was a quick thinker, so he started saying, Coo, coo, coo.

The prison guards jerked the dogs back from the tree and said, Come on, lets go. Theres nothing up there but a bird.

Then the guards came to the tree where the second prisoner was hiding. As the dogs started barking and jumping at the tree, this prisoner panicked. He wasnt as quick as the first prisoner, but he had heard the guy throw the dogs off by making a bird noise and realized he also needed to make some kind of animal sound. So he thought for a second and then said, Moo, moo, moo.

When youre confused about what you are supposed to be doing, you wind up making the wrong noise at the wrong time in the wrong place! We see Christian couples today who are making a lot of noise, complaining about their spouses and their marriages, when the truth is they have neglected their own biblical roles and become confused about what they are supposed to be doing. We could say theyre mooing when they ought to be cooing.

Now I want you to know right up front that even though this booklet focuses on the womans role in the home, nothing we have to say here is meant to excuse men who arent performing their God-given role as husbands. In fact, when I presented this material on marriage to the congregation at our church in Dallas, I began by addressing the husbands as those commanded to lead, not the wives.

Since you dont have that material in front of you, let me summarize it by saying that the primary responsibility for the health of a marriage falls on the husband, not the wife. Its true that there are wives who are not fulfilling their biblical role, but that doesnt change the fact that husbands are charged with the primary responsibility to see that their marriages function as God intended. And the best way they can do this is by taking seriously their role as spiritual leaders.

I say this so you wont think that wives are being singled out to bear the primary load of responsibility to make their marriages function as God intended. Many women say they want their husbands to step up to the plate and assume leadership in the home. They long to be relieved of a burden they know they are not designed to carry and would gladly yield if their husbands would come through for them.

Since we deal with the husbands responsibilities in detail in For Married Men Only, I want to focus on the wifes role here. Actually, both spouses roles are summarized in Ephesians 5:33: Each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

A husband is commanded to love his wife, and that is not dependent on his emotions. A wife is commanded to respect her husband even if he hasnt earned that respect in her mind. But too many Christian women are taking their marriage cues from television or their girlfriends instead of from Gods Word.

Many women were raised in single-parent homes and in a matriarchal environment over which they had no control. The problem is that they have come to think this is how things are supposed to be. Since mama ran their home, they figure they need to run their home now that theyre married.

But a woman who tries to take charge of her marriage is trampling on the respect that she owes to her husband through Gods command to her. Many men are functioning as poor husbands at least in part because their wives are operating far outside of Gods standard.

So in this booklet we want to find out what a wifes biblical role entails and what a woman looks and acts like when she is fulfilling her calling from the Lord in relation to her husband. Over the next three chapters, I plan to cover the following areas: submitting to your husband, seducing your husband, and surrendering to your husband.

Now I know that the mental defenses go up for many women when they hear the dreaded s-word, because the concept of submission flies in the face of everything that our culture today teaches, models, and values. But Gods Word sits in judgment on our culture, and not vice versa.

One reason that submission is such a hated word is that it has been so badly misunderstood and misused, often intentionally, that few people know what it really means. Submission is not a bad word, but when people make a good word bad, it becomes bad even though its good.

I was speaking at a Promise Keepers conference for men at a time when members of the National Organization for Women (NOW) were protesting against the idea of submission, saying that it turns women into second-class citizens.

But at the same time that the president of NOW was complaining about the terrible oppression of women being perpetrated by Christians who teach submission, I heard her call the organizations vice president and give her instructions to fulfill a certain task.

W E MEN WANT AND NEED TO HEAR , I RESPECT YOU .

In other words, the president of NOW was asking her subordinate to submit to her leadership. Feminists recognize that submission is appropriate in some roles, and they practice it themselves in these settings. They just dont want to see the concept of submission introduced into marriage because they want to insist that marriage is a totally egalitarian relationship with no one in a leadership position. You see, submission is only a bad idea when its used in an arena where we dont want it to appear. But it is Gods idea, so it cant be bad. In fact, well see below that the members of the Godhead practice submission to one another.