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Liz Quish - Overcoming Self-harm and Suicidal Thinking: A practical guide for the adolescent years

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Liz Quish Overcoming Self-harm and Suicidal Thinking: A practical guide for the adolescent years
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Crisis Counsellor Liz Quish presents this practical guide for parents and others caring for young people who engage in self-harming and suicidal thinking based on her many years of working with vulnerable teenagers. Filled with insight and advice, her book offers a uniquely integrated, whole-person approach, focusing on all aspects of wellbeing: social, emotional and physical; outlines the purpose and function of self-harming behaviours and dispels the myths about self-harm while also offering strategies to support a teenager who self-harms; and offers key insights into suicide risk factors and preventative measures while also providing guidance for those who have lost a loved one through suicide or who are supporting a person through a suicide bereavement.

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First published in 2015 by Hammersmith Health Books an imprint of
Hammersmith Books Limited
14 Greville Street, London EC1N 8SB, UK
www.hammersmithbooks.co.uk

2015, Liz Quish

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers and copyright holder, with the exception of licences granted by the Copyright Licensing Agency, the Irish Copyright Licensing Agency and their affiliates.

The information contained in this book is for educational purposes only. It is the result of the study and the experience of the author. Whilst the information and advice offered are believed to be true and accurate at the time of going to press, neither the author nor the publisher can accept any legal responsibility or liability for any errors or omissions that may have been made or for any adverse effects which may occur as a result of following the recommendations given herein. Always consult a qualified medical practitioner if you have any concerns regarding your physical and mental health.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A CIP record of this book is available from the British Library.

Print ISBN 9781781610565
Ebook ISBN 9781781610572

Commissioning editor: Georgina Bentliff
Designed and typeset by: Julie Bennett, Bespoke Publishing Ltd
Cover design by: Julie Bennett, Bespoke Publishing Ltd
Index: Dr Laurence Errington
Production: Helen Whitehorn, Path Projects Ltd
Printed and bound by: TJ International Ltd, UK

In memory of all those who could no longer see the light of hope.

Contents

I would like to extend my gratitude to Mary Mulcahy and Catherine Anne OConnell, two exceptional and passionate facilitators on the Adlerian Psychology Programme at LIT Tipperary. Thank you both for your encouragement and validation and sparking what has now become my passion.

I would also like to thank the teaching staff of PCI College for their support and feedback as I worked tirelessly to achieve my Counselling and Psychotherapy Degree. A special note of thanks to one of my core lecturers, Willie Egan; your sense of humour and compassion are admirable. Thank you for displaying such empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard!

Dr Fergus Heffernan, you are a true inspiration and a very special person; thank you for sharing your life story and insights. I learned so much from you and will be eternally grateful that our paths crossed.

My practice supervisors, Marie OConnor and Frances Burke, thank you for listening, encouraging, validating and gently challenging me.

To my parents and siblings Sean, Mary and Steven, thank you for all that you taught me long before I learned the theory!

To Paul, my husband, thank you for believing in me, for all the cups of tea, and for feeding me as I endeavoured to complete this book. Thank you for making me realise that dreams can and do come true.

Sincere gratitude to Georgina of Hammersmith Books for realising the importance of the subject matter of this book.

During my training in Counselling and Psychotherapy I became very interested in self-harming and suicide due to its prevalence worldwide and as such conducted a great deal of research into the topic and engaged in further training in the area. Immediately after I qualified as a Counsellor and Psychotherapist I secured a position as a counsellor with a Self-Harm and Suicide Intervention Crisis Centre based in Ireland.

Through supporting stressed and distressed teenagers from 12 years upwards, I noticed common themes, presentations, thought processes and struggles which I have come to term self-defeatist syndrome. Many came to see me feeling anxious, scared, tired, overwhelmed, angry and isolated, with a very negative view of themselves and their abilities and a great sense of hopelessness and inadequacy. They could not see the beauty within them; it was clouded and forgotten, shadowed by thoughts of uselessness and feelings of inadequacy. There was no brightness or twinkle in their young eyes. Self-defeatist syndrome had taken hold and what I call the Gremlin had moved in and taken over their young minds and souls, causing havoc in their lives. These young teenagers did not know how to evict the Gremlin; many didnt even know it had moved in. You see, the Gremlin is stress that progresses to distress not a mental illness, but psychological distress that manifests in what I term self-defeatist syndrome.

This syndrome or collection of symptoms and features that tend to occur together causes our teenagers to become anxious, angry, hopeless, depressed, and to engage in self-harming; many consider and, unfortunately for some, complete suicide. In my experience, by employing an integrative approach which addresses the teenagers lifestyle, with a focus on nutrition, complementary therapies, talk therapy, exercise and community engagement, self-defeatist syndrome can be defeated and the Gremlin evicted!

I aim to guide readers through the steps and tasks of assisting a teenager in managing and overcoming the many challenges presented by this syndrome, with the ultimate goal of restoring mental wellbeing and family cohesion.

Sadly, self-defeatist syndrome has proven fatal and resulted in many young people worldwide completing suicide, with devastating consequences for their families and friends. In the final chapter of this book I address the impact of such a loss and guide readers through how to support those bereaved by the death of a loved one through suicide.

A person whose head is bowed and whose eyes are heavy cannot look at the light.

Christine de Pizan

What I will term self-defeatist syndrome throughout this book is the uninvited Gremlin that moves into young minds, metaphorically speaking. The Gremlin is STRESS that leads to DISTRESS, an unruly tenant that is powerful, deceitful and controlling. Its ultimate goal is to take control of a teenagers life in a destructive manner causing him/her to feel alone, depressed, angry, afraid, hopeless and anxious. The Gremlin is not a friend; the sooner it is evicted the better. The longer it stays the more powerful it becomes, taking the teenager hostage. The Gremlins goal is to isolate the teenager from family and friends, thus making itself even more powerful. It wants to make the teenager feel lonely and powerless, surrendering to the darkness, diminishing his/her light and self-esteem, distorting his/her belief system and sense of self.

The sense of self

The self relates to our uniqueness and individuality, our thoughts, feelings, perceptions and sense of worth, and how we view ourselves. The self also relates to our sense of identity, our belief system and values.

A teenager with a healthy sense of self will:

Picture 1 feel confident and competent

Picture 2 feel a sense of belonging and acceptance

Picture 3 feel secure, safe and valued

Picture 4 have self-discipline and self-control

Picture 5 learn from and move on from mistakes with new awareness

Picture 6 value his/her strengths and accept his/her weaknesses

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