Genevieve Shaw Brown - The Happiest Mommy You Know: Why Putting Your Kids First is the Last Thing You Should Do

Certain names and identifying characteristics have been changed.

Touchstone

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Copyright 2017 by Genevieve Shaw Brown

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First Touchstone hardcover edition January 2017

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Interior design by Kyle Kabel

Photos courtesy of the author

Jacket design by Jess Spataro

Jacket illustration by Mary Lynn Blasutta

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Brown, Genevieve Shaw, author.

Title: The happiest mommy you know : why putting your kids first is the last thing you should do / Genevieve Shaw Brown.

Description: New York : Touchstone Books, [2017] | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016021620 (print) | LCCN 2016033803 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH : Motherhood. | Mothers. | Well-being.

Classification: LCC HQ759 .B75944 2017 (print) | LCC HQ759 (ebook) | DDC 306.874/3dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016021620

ISBN 978-1-5011-3578-1

ISBN 978-1-5011-3583-5 (ebook)

For Ryan, Addie, Will, and Lukemy happily ever after.

Introduction

Why Putting Yourself First (Sometimes) Is Actually the Best Thing You Can Do for Your Kids

Y ou know the drill, moms. We make perfectly frosted cupcakes for our kids classroom, then scarf one down on the way to school because we forgot to eat breakfast ourselves. Our children are always beautifully decked out in coordinated clothes, while we live in black workout pants. We take our little ones to the doctor every time they have the sniffles, but we havent scheduled a checkup in two years.

Sound familiar? Yeah, to me as well. Heck, this was me... until recently. Im the one who was so intent on doing this mom thing right that I began to lose sight of everything that made me, me.

But Ill tell you who I am these days. Im the mom who finally managed to lose those last pounds of pregnancy weight, after years of trying and failing. Im the one who goes on vacation with my husband, sans kids. Im the one who found time to meet up with my best friend for a drink last week.

And you know what? Im a lot happierand a better momfor it. Being a better mother, after all, was the goal all along.

* * *

The secret is rather simple. I stopped putting my kids first every second of every day. I looked at how well I treated them (and how poorly I treated myself). And I wondered, what would happen if I lavished myself with the same kind of love and care that I give to them?

Does that sound like sacrilege? I used to think so, too.

It was a long road to get here. There were some bumps and missteps along the way. A few surprises, too! But today life is a lot saner, a lot smoother, and a lot, yes, happier now that Ive learned one simple secret: Treat yourself as well as you treat your kids.

Thats it.

Im not telling you to neglect your kids. Instead, think about yourself for a change. Prioritize your own needseating well, getting enough sleep, spending time with your partner and your friends, even starting a new hobby. Be a little (gasp!) selfish, in the name of ultimately being a better mom. For once, treat yourself with the same care and love you give to your kids every day. Thats what I learned how to do (in a long, painful, sometimes funny process, which Ill outline for you in this book). It wasnt always pretty, but it sure has yielded great rewards since I started this little experiment with my own family.

Oh yeah, family. Because thats what its all about, right? Let me get this out of the way right now: I love my kids more than anything in the world, rivaled perhaps only by the adoration I feel for my husband. We all love our families and want to do everything for them. We cook them nutritious meals. We set up carefully curated playdates and wonderfully diverse extracurricular activities. We dress them in crisp, carefully laundered, beautifully made outfits. We go to extraordinary measures to be sure they get a good nights sleep.

And thats all wonderful! Good for us. Pats on the back all around. But heres the thing: when your kid is eating free-range organic food and youre scarfing down fast food in the car, or your child is on the second playdate of the weekend and you havent seen your best friend for two months, something is dangerously out of whack. We need to take back some of our power, some of our agency, some of our time, and stop putting our loved ones needs before ours at every opportunity.

Moms, listen to this: putting your kids first is the last thing you should do. Instead, try gifting yourself a little of the care, attention, and love you so generously give to your family every day. Read on, and Ill tell you why... and how this revolutionary philosophy worked wonders on my health, my marriage, my friendships, my happinessand most importantly, ultimately made me a better mom.

Ive started listening to what I need again. Im here to tell you, the secret to being the Happiest Mommy You Know (or even just, you know, happier ) isnt perfection. Far from it. Its a surprisingly simple, slightly counterintuitive tip I learned the hard way.

Putting yourself first sometimes is actually the best thing you can do for your kids.

I did it. Ill show you how. You can do it, too.

Chapter 1

Holy Crap, I Eat Like Crap

Feed Yourself as You (Want to) Feed Your Kids

I t was about 5 a.m. My husband, three-year-old daughter, and fourteen-month-old son were still fast asleep in our New York City apartment. I had risen earlier than they, as was the typical drill, to get myself ready for work. Part of that routine included preparing the food that the children would eat throughout the day, until I returned home in time to make them dinner that evening.

I didnt mind the early morning so much. Truth be told, Ive never been one to sleep in. Even before kids, it wasnt uncommon for me to get up a little early to go for a run or enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee before heading off to work, though now that I was a mom those small luxuries were a thing of the distant past. So I wasnt exactly prepared for the new wake-up time that having kids imposed on my schedule. Six thirty, even six would be OK . But theres something ungodly about five.

At five in the morning, the light from the refrigerator is so bright, it feels like an interrogation.

Every. Single. Day.

Its not that my youngest, Will, woke up at five. But he is an early riseralmost always before six when he was youngerand so 5 a.m. became my wake-up time in order to do everything that needed to be done before going into full-fledged mommy duty. Which mostly consisted of meal prepcooking the meals the kids would eat while I was at work, and then getting things ready for the dinner that would be served shortly after I arrived home in the evening.