Jay Bilas - Toughness: Developing True Strength On and Off the Court

TOUGHNESS

DEVELOPING TRUE STRENGTH
ON AND OFF THE COURT

JAY BILAS

Foreword by

MIKE KRZYZEWSKI

NEW AMERICAN LIBRARY

Published by New American Library,
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
penguinrandomhouse.com

First Printing, March 2013

Copyright Jay Bilas, 2013

Foreword copyright Mike Krzyzewski, 2013

Defining Toughness in College Hoops by Jay Bilas
ESPN Digital and Print Media, 2009

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced,
scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in
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REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:

Bilas, Jay, 1963

Toughness: developing true strength on and off the court/
Jay Bilas; foreword by Mike Krzyzewski.

p. cm.

ISBN: 978-1-101-59902-0

1. Bilas, Jay, 1963. 2. Basketball playersUnited StatesBiography. 3. Basketball
coachesUnited StatesBiography. 4. LawyersUnited StatesBiography. I. Title.

GV884.B54A3 2013

796.323092dc23 2012037085

[B]

PUBLISHERS NOTE

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

Version_2

To my wife, Wendy
You are everything to me

Acknowledgments

A great friend, the late Wake Forest coach Skip Prosser, used to say, Never delay gratitude. I am grateful to so many for their guidance, inspiration and help throughout this process, and in my life. I have been positively influenced by so many people, and in writing this book I was able to better appreciate just how fortunate I have been to have these great people in my life. Each has made me better in so many ways, and helped to make me a tougher person.

In writing this book, I was able to delve deeper into the motivation and inspiration behind the toughness I admired around me. Specifically, Mark Alarie and Tommy Amaker were especially instrumental in helping me understand and define the qualities displayed by our teammates through the most challenging times of our journey together. I played with some extraordinary men, none more extraordinary than Alarie, Amaker, Johnny Dawkins and David Henderson. They have been, and always will be, brothers.

As a player and young assistant coach, I was incredibly lucky to serve under Mike Krzyzewski. Over the past thirty years, Coach K has acted as my coach, mentor, confidant and, most important, my friend. His insights and time were invaluable in this process, and throughout my life. I count my decision to play for Coach K as the second most important and meaningful decision in my life, the first being my decision to marry my wife, Wendy. The lessons Coach K taught me, sometimes against my will, shaped the way I live my daily life.

Over my years in basketball, I have been fortunate to get to know Bob Knight, and to call him my friend. He has been a truly positive influence and he has taught me a great deal; there is seldom a time when he speaks that I dont learn something valuable. I especially value his dining suggestions (should I survive the ride when he is driving), as he has never steered me wrong on a good place to eat.

In my years in basketball, I have met so many wonderful people and competitors. In writing this book, I could have chosen many to lend their voices, but Steve Kerr, Tom Izzo, Roy Williams, Tom Crean and Bill Self stood out. I have learned so much from each of them.

My understanding of toughness gained greater depth from my friendship with Dr. Henry Friedman. Through Henry, I was able to learn the importance of hope, which was personified in the inspiring story of Sabrina Lewandowski. I am so grateful that they shared their stories with me.

In putting this book together, I strove to draw upon the values and principles I learned and observed from people I have played and worked with over the years. I cannot thank enough Doris Burke, Herm Edwards, Sage Steele, Curtis Strange, Julie Foudy and Jon Gruden, all of whom I work with at ESPN. They are not only colleagues, but respected and admired professionals who inspire me every time I talk to them. Another great inspiration in the writing of this book was Mia Hamm. Mia is the finest player in her sport, but she is an even better person. I could not imagine writing about toughness without her input.

Growing up in Southern California, I had some outstanding coaches and teachers, none more influential than Dick Spidell and Billy C. Creamer. Coach Spidell taught me how to win, and Mr. Creamer taught me how to follow my passion so my job would never be work; it would be what I wanted to do.

I have tremendous parents, Anthony and Margie Bilas. In ways they cannot imagine, they have inspired everything good in my life through their belief and unfailing support, and there is not a single day in which I do not think about the values, principles and lessons they taught me. My parents were not and are not lecturers. They taught by example, and the example they set for me I could never live up to. It is a debt that I can never repay. My brother, Dave, and my sisters, Colleen and Sharyl, have been similar inspirations for me, and all have been amazing role models.

Last, I would like to thank my wife, Wendy, and my two children, Tori and Anthony. The biggest honor I have had in my life is to have been called Tori and Anthonys dad. And since the day I first met Wendy, I have had my best friend by my side, and have been able to walk through life with the smartest, most caring, and toughest person I have ever met. Wendy was incredibly helpful in putting together this book and guiding me through the writing process. After questioning her grammar advice and having every piece of resource material shoot down my argument, I will never question her again. She edit good.

Foreword

I am so glad that Jay Bilas wrote this book.

Jay made a tough decision to attend Duke University and to join our basketball team when my staff and I recruited him out of his California high school in 1982. I was young, I had not yet established myself as a winning college basketball coach, most people had never heard my name and, with a 2730 record in my first two seasons at Duke, I did not have statistics or championships to help me sell prospects. I had only my value system, coaching style and great intentions of future success to offer. When I presented those things to Jay and his family, they listened with kind respect. Somehow those things were enough. He agreed to believe in me, and I in him. It is an unwritten contract we uphold to this day.

He was a tough basketball player on the court. During his Duke career, he was charged with some of our most difficult defensive matchups, including legends of the game like Ralph Sampson and David Robinson. He never backed away from these assignments and relished the opportunity to face the best. He was committed to hard work in practice as the only means of improving, he was a selfless and loyal teammate, and he possessed the mental toughness to never show weakness on his face in competition.