Susan Campbell Cross - The FabYOUList: List It, Live It, Love Your Life

THE

FAB YOU LIST

Copyright 2013 by Susan Campbell Cross

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form without the express written permission of the publisher.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013938864

The FabYOUList

List It, Live It, Love Your Life

Susan Campbell Cross

p.cm.

1. Self-Help / Personal Growth / Happiness 2. Personal Growth 3. Memoirs

Susan Campbell Cross1st Edition

ISBN: 978-0-9887979-0-1

Cover design by Veronica Zhu Book design Casey Hampton

February Books

215 Park Avenue South

New York, NY 10003

www.februarybooks.com

CONTENTS

F or me the anxiety over turning forty started just after my thirty-sixth birthday, when I suddenly realized I was on the other side of thirty-five, closer to forty than thirty. It wasnt the number or the age that concerned me, it was the fact that I thought I wouldve done more, seen more, become more by the time I entered the middle years of my life. What exactly did I feel I wouldve done, seen, and become? I wasnt entirely sure. I just had an overwhelming sense that I had a lot of unfinished (un-started, actually) business to attend to, and less and less time in which to attend to it. With each tick of the clock I was closer to that F bomb, forty.

Always a list maker, I took out a piece of paper and began to compose not a to-do list, but more of a wish-I-had-done list. Ironically, when I was finished there were forty things on it, the last of which was write a book. By the way, this book youre holding in your hands right now, is that book. The FabYOUList: List It, Live It, Love Your Life chronicles my experiences as I set out to tackle numbers one through thirty-nineall before my fortieth birthday. In living my list I embarked on a life-changing, eye-opening journey of self-discovery. And here I thought I was just going to do some cool stuff and, I hoped, have a little fun. I did do some cool stuff and it was fun, but it was so much more: without realizing it, I had come up with a concrete plan with which I would transform my life and become the person I always dreamed I would be, the person I was always meant to be, my true authentic self.

Before I made that list I was hard-pressed to answer the simple question, Who are you? Id always answered in terms of who I was in relation to others: Im a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister. The person Ive become is a complete woman with goals and aspirations of her own, a sense of purpose, and dreams for the future. Not just dreams for those around her, but for herself. By the time Id achieved everything on my list I was the version of myself Id dreamed up as a child.

Remember when you were little and you used to think about what youd be when you grew up? Are you doing that now or even a modified version? I know I wasnt. Early on I had aspirations of being a trapeze artist. Not that I want to do that now, but I needed to get in touch with that little girl who dreamed of it in the first place. Where did that girl go, the one who dreamed big and had no fear of failure? What happened to make her stop believing that she could be anything she wanted, could confidently leap off a platform and fly through the air effortlessly to the deafening applause of throngs of fans, taking her bow gracefully with deep satisfaction and gratitude, dazzling in the spotlight in head-to-toe sequins as if to say, Here I am world! Arent I amazing?

When had I stopped dreaming dreams for myself and trying to make them come true? And perhaps more important, why? I had majored in writing and got a job in advertising fresh out of college, but I quit when my first born, Kayla, was an infant. There used to be all kinds of things I wanted to do and places I wanted to see, but I wasnt doing anything or going anywhere. Somehow over the years I had lost touch with what I wanted, who I was, how I felt, and I started doing what so many of us do: living for everyone else. It wasnt enough to approve of myself; I sought the approval of my parents, my teachers, and my peers. I did what was expected of me, always the good daughter, the good student, and the good friend. Later, I was the good wife and the good mother.

I met my husband, Kevin, at UC San Diego, when I was a sophomore and he was a junior. We got married a year after I graduated and started a family the year after that. We had three children in four and a half years, and my life became all about them. Im not saying thats a bad thingits one of the things I am most proud of, being a mom. But I realize now that being a parent doesnt mean you cant have a life of your own as well. For years I hid behind my family, using them as an excuse not to try things.

I claimed that I didnt want to put myself out there, take chances, or pursue my dreams, because I was afraid Id be taking time away from the kids. I did a good job convincing myself that this was the whole truth. But in taking on the challenge of fulfilling my list I discovered what the real obstacle was. Me. More accurately, me and my fear. My list was the key to getting out of my own way, kicking my fear to the curb, and replacing it with the courage I needed to live my life to its fullest, to be the best me possible. And you know what? The kids didnt suffer at all. They are better off because of it. I have come to realize the value of modeling for them how important it is to go for it, no matter what your it is. In doing so I have become more than a good mother, wife, sister, daughterIve become a complete individual person who is fulfilled, happy, confident, and fearless. And it all started with a list!

The more I shared my journey with people, the more I learned I wasnt alone. It seems that women, especially, although certainly not exclusively, tend to let pieces of themselves fade for one reason or another. Have you ever gotten so lost in your role of caregiver that youve willingly pushed yourself to the back burner if not off of the stove entirely? Do you feel guilty and selfish every time you stop to take care of yourself? Do you worry that if you do, your family will somehow suffer from it? Do you feel like you arent worthy of the attention and time it would take to achieve your own dreams? Are you worried that should you try, you might fail? If any of this sounds familiar, then this book was written for just for you, in the hope that you will embark on a journey of your own, a journey that will lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilled YOU.

So now you know all about my midlife panic attack, and my subsequent list. Heres the part where I tell you whats on it. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen (DRUM ROLL PLEASE): my list.

1. Get Googleable

2. Have an article published

3. Invite someone to lunch whom I admire, but dont know well

4. Run a 5k

5. Get involved with a cause I believe in

6. Do a charity project with the kids

7. Take an adult ballet class

8. Fly on the trapeze

9. Try yoga at the beach the rec center

10. Go church shopping (pick a religion, any religion)