Nigel Holland - The 50 List – a Fathers Heartfelt Message to his Daughter. Anything Is Possible

Dad, Ellie says to me, youre mad.

Well, you knew that already, I say, grinning at the look of incomprehension on her face as she works her way down the piece of paper in her hand. It is a list. A list of all the crazy things I plan to do over the coming months. I can tell theyre crazy just by looking at the expression on her face.

Yeah, I know, Dad, she says, but this is a big list. How are you going to do everything on it in one year?

Im going to be doing even more than that, I correct her. Because its not finished yet. I was hoping you could suggest some things to put on it too.

She looks again, her slender index finger tracing a line down the page. Its actually two lists, one marked extreme and one marked other. Ellie points to an item marked extreme.

Whats this? she asks.

Zorbing? I say, reading it. Oh, its great fun. Its rolling down a hill inside a very large bouncy ball.

She takes this in, and her look of incomprehension doesnt change. Though Ive tried to explain to Ellie the main reason why Im doing this to inspire her Ellie has a learning difficulty, which means she doesnt always get the bigger picture. But perhaps she doesnt need to. Not now, at least. All I really want is that she gets caught up in the excitement and thinks can rather than cant. Thatll be good enough for me. Though, hmm, zorbing shes probably right: I am mad.

Its late in the afternoon, the watery late-September sun is almost gone now, and were contemplating what seemed like a brilliant idea when I first thought of it, but which now seems to mark me out as bonkers: a list of 50 challenges, of all kinds, to be completed within the year, to prove that a) you really can do almost anything that you put your mind to and b) turning 50 doesnt spell the end of any sort of life other than the pipe-and-slippers kind.

Because thats what had struck me a couple of weeks earlier when a work colleague had mentioned my upcoming 50th birthday, saying that 50 the big 50 was a particularly depressing milestone. One that marked the end of youth and the beginning of being old, which was something I was not prepared to be. And your point? Id retorted, rising swiftly to the bait. I dont mind getting old, but I refuse to grow up. It was a thought and a mindset that had stayed with me all day.

And here we were, the idea having not only taken root but also sprouted. And what had started as a whimsical, unfocused kind of wish list had somehow become a full-blown plan. A plan to prove something to both myself and my children particularly my youngest, disabled daughter.

OK, I say to Ellie. You think of some challenges.

She considers it for a few seconds, chewing thoughtfully on her lower lip. Erm, maybe jump over a tall building? she offers finally. And Im pretty sure shes only half joking.

Which is nice its always good to be your childrens superhero but her idea is not do-able. Even for me. I say so.

What about flying, then? she says.

What, you mean as in a plane?

No, she retorts, in all seriousness. Like Superman!

Silly me. I should have known. Of course she means like Superman. I am her hero, just the same way my dad was my hero. Its almost 30 years now since I lost him over half a lifetime. And I still cant believe hes never coming back.

Ah, I tell Ellie, theres a problem with that one. I dont have any red underpants that will fit over my trousers.

She knows shes being teased and pulls her Dad, Im being teased face. Well, I say, you started it. What do you expect? But I can sort of fly, I say, pointing to another item Ive already added. Indoor skydiving. Thats pretty much like flying.

What, you can fly? She looks impressed now. What, with no strings or anything?

With no strings or anything. The air holds you up. I try to explain how it works, but Im not sure she quite gets it. Come on, I say. What else? Think what would you like to do, if you could do a challenge yourself?