Mary E. DeMuth - 150 Quick Questions to Get Your Kids Talking

MARY E. DEMUTH

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Cover by Left Coast Design, Portland, Oregon

Cover photo Juice Images / Corbis

Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Ste #200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920. www.alivecommunications.com.

150 QUICK QUESTIONS TO GET YOUR KIDS TALKING

Copyright 2011 by Mary E. DeMuth

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

ISBN 978-0-7369-3005-5

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 / BP-NI / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Patrick, Sophie, Aidan, and Julia

Im forever changed
because we shared a table together.

Im grateful for the team at Harvest House, who wholeheartedly championed this book and who value the family. LaRae, thanks for loving this idea!

Thank you, prayer team, who pray through every book I write: Amy, Anita, Ariel, Ashley and George, Carla, Caroline, Cheramy, Colleen, Cyndi, Jeanne, DAnn, Darren and Holly, Dena, Denise, Diane, Don, Dorian, Elaine, Erin, Esther, Ginger and JR, Heidi, Helen, Jeanne, Jen, Jim, Jody, Katy, Kevin and Renee, Lesley, Leslie, Lilli, Liz, Marcia, Marcus, Marilyn, Marion, Mary, MaryBeth, Michael and Renee, Nicole, Pam, Patrick, Paul, Paula, Phyllis, Rae, Rebekah, Rod, Sandi, Sarah, Shawna, Shelly, Stacey, Sue, Susan, Tiffany, Tim, Tina, TJ, Tosca, Tracy, and Twilla.

And to Jesus, who asked great questions, shared significant meals, and welcomed everyone to His table: Thank You is never quite enough. May this book make You smile.

I ve tried nearly every parenting method on the market. Sometimes Ive felt elated that Ive nurtured my children the way God wanted me to. Other times Ive worried that I didnt discipline correctly. Ive been stern. Ive been lax. Ive wavered. Ive showered with love. But none of those methods captured my childrens hearts quite so much as something Ill call conversational parentingthe kind of parenting that requires engagement and discourse. If you ask my kids about our time alone together, they will inevitably say, My mom asks a lot of questions.

Thats why Im passionate about the content of this book. It will help you get to know your childs heart and mind as you ask great questions. My hope is that these queries will serve as springboards to your own family-shaped questions and that they will spark genuine conversations with your kids, whether theyre toddlers or teenagers.

From early on, our family of five spent evenings around the dinner table examining our days. We each shared one high and one low, although often those highs and lows turned into two or three of each. I loved learning about my childrens hearts and the feel of their days as we shared a meal together.

Only when I started conducting research for one of my parenting books did I discover we were practicing the art of examenan ancient spiritual exercise best done at the end of the day. Ivy Beckwith, author of Postmodern Childrens Ministry, explains:

Participants talk together about those things that happened during the day that sapped their zeal and energy, also known as desolations. Then they talk about those things that happened during the day that encouraged them or gave them energy, also known as consolations. At the end of the time we talk to God about all these things, bringing God into the very center of the important events of our lives.

So we shared our consolations and desolations. We sifted. We shared our trials and triumphs. But as we did this, a strange staleness crept into our ritual. Like a bland meal of boiled potatoes and tasteless chicken, our conversation lacked spice. On a long drive from Colorado to Texas after a terrific family vacation, I had a sudden inspiration. I would create questions that we could answer, one each nightin addition to our tradition of sharing high and lows. Thinking of my kids, I typed questions, reveling in each one, anticipating how each child would respond. When we returned home, I formatted the questions, cut them into squares, and placed them in a box in the center of our table. Each night the kids took turns pulling out a question.

The result? No more bland conversations.

Our table became a lively place of bantering, of exchanging ideas, dreams, and regrets. The questions probed into areas I hadnt expected. My kids learned about their parents. We learned about our kidsall in a nonthreatening, easygoing way.

Why is conversation like this so important? Why do parents need to pay attention to their kids hearts and seek to engage them?

In the midst of a rapidly changing culture that embraces the values of community and authenticity, Ive realized that some of the top-down parenting methods didnt prepare my children to step outside our front door. It wouldnt work for me to be the only one talking. Simply telling my children what to believe or how to act did not necessarily help them navigate the real world. Welcoming my childrens thoughts by asking questions and listening not only validates their worth but also reflects the way Jesus prepared His disciples for their journey. And we all want our kids to be prepared when they leave our homes on their own journeys.

Jesus demonstrated the beauty of a conversational approach to life when He walked along the road with His disciples, asking questions, listening, and telling stories. The common Greek word used for this walking around is peripateo. Jesus embodied this kind of spirituality as He journeyed down dusty paths encouraging His friends. Peripateo has two meanings, however. The other meaning connotes the manner in which we conduct our lives. The apostle Paul used this word frequently: As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live [peripateo] a life worthy of the calling you have received (Ephesians 4:1). Conversational parenting encompasses both. We walk with our children, talking about life along the way, and we show them how to love Jesus by the way we walk.

Walking with our children, demonstrating how to live a life for Jesusthese sound ideal, but what do they mean? What are some practical ways to engage our children?

In this ever-shifting culture, kids long for things that are real. And they yearn for authenticity in their homes most of all. How do we model authenticity? By sharing our stories. By asking children to pray alongside us as we consider the future. By admitting we dont always have all the answers. The questions in this book are intended not only to help you know your kids but also to help them know you, understand your journey, and hear your story.