J. C. Tilton - 10 DOS & Donts When Youre the New Kid: A Survival Guide for Teens Starting at a New School

Copyright 2011 by J.C. Tilton

Two Harbors Press

212 3rd Ave North, Suite 290

Minneapolis, MN 55401

612.455.2293

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Illustrations by Mara Shaughnessy

ISBN: 978-1-937928-21-6

To my parents, without whose love, hard work, and willingness to relocate for better opportunities, my book would be titled:

10 Dos & Don'ts When You Live in One Boring Place Your Entire Life

So, you're moving. Maybe you've lived most of your life in the same city or even the same house. Or maybe this is the third time you've been uprooted since the Twilight saga hit theaters. Whatever your situation, moving to a new school is tough. In elementary school, barring any unfortunate pants-wetting incidents, you could usually find a new best friend by the end of the first day. In junior high it got harder, especially for girls. In high school... well, let's just say you'll have plenty of material for a book one day.

Of course, moving has its advantages too. It can be a great opportunity to reinvent yourself. At your new school, no one remembers when you barfed at the freshman dance or missed the game-deciding free throw when your basketball team went to state. You're an unknown quantity. All your fellow students know is what they observe and what you tell them. That's why your first days at a new school are so important. You've no doubt heard the expression "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." This is one of the truest of all truisms. So take control where you can from day one. With a little planning, confidence, and a sense of humor, you can avoid common pitfalls and make your move a bit smoother.

I moved a lot growing up, and this is the book I wish someone had given me. Frankly, the "just be yourself and everyone will like you" advice from my parents wasn't much comfort as I walked around the lunchroom, desperately seeking a place to sit. I hope you can benefit from my experience, or at least have a good laugh.

I attended three elementary schools, two junior highs, and three high schools. Although the earlier moves are a blur, I remember clearly the move from Iowa to Minnesota in ninth grade. If you live in the United States, you probably know that Iowa, as a state, enjoys a unique level of disdain. Synonymous with a lack of sophistication, it is openly mocked by people from all the other stateseven North Dakota. To make matters worse, there's a long-running rivalry between Minnesota and Iowa, which I believe is rooted in college football, but over the years has expanded to include pretty much all other facets of life in either state.

During my first week at school, I was asked about a thousand times if I knew what IOWA stood for. For those of you not from the Midwest, it's "Idiots Out Wandering Around." People wanted to know if we'd lived in a cornfield. Had I ever been to a mall before, or did we buy everything from mail-order catalogs? (Mind you, this snobbery was coming from ninth-graders in Burnsville, Minnesota. It's not like I'd transferred to the Sorbonne. I think it's a safe bet that most Parisians would be snickering at the people who were snickering at me.)

I listened to a lot of stupid comments and tried to laugh. My younger sister had a better strategy. She told everyone we were from St. Louis.

I made more than a few mistakes during this particular move. First, I totally overdresseddresses, pantyhose, and high heelsevery day. I thought I looked sophisticated and "big city." (Okay, maybe I was kind of a hick.) Teachers loved me. Popular girls tried to trip me. I'm not suggesting that you become a clone and suit up in Abercrombie & Fitch forever; I'm just saying that the first weeks at school will be easier if you're not trying to make fashion history. That brings me to mistake number two: clique-hopping. I started by hanging out with the nerdy but nice kids, the only ones who made any effort to welcome me. I repaid their kindness by moving on to the semi-popular kids, with whom I actually had a lot in common. Then, through sheer determination, I made it into the popular group and that nirvana of popular girlscheerleading.

Sadly, it was not to last. I was bored to death with both cheerleading and that group of kids in general. Soon, I started hanging out in downtown Minneapolis and got into punk rock. I sported a mohawkperhaps my most unflattering hairstyle ever. I wore nothing but black. (I still do, but now it's for the slimming effect.) This instigated my immediate descent from the in-crowd. You know you're no longer popular when the guys you used to cheer for at football games start throwing gum at you. Chewed gum. Of course, the semi-popular kids, who liked the same bands and clothes as I did, weren't too friendly anymore either, as I'd pretty much dumped them when I made cheerleading. Fortunately, I guess, I didn't have to live with the situation too long, because in my junior year we moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan. But that's a whole other story.

Motto of the Boy Scouts of America

Your parents are not moving because they want to make your life miserable. There's probably a very good reason for the movea new job, a home that works better for your family... or maybe the Feds are closing in. Why isn't important. What is important is that your parents are almost certainly worried about you and are willing to do almost anything to help ease the transition. This is a good time to hit them up for a new car. (Just kidding. Well, mostly kidding.) The good news is that there are specific things you and your parents can do to help take a little stress out of your first day at your new school. It's your job to make a plan and let your parents know how they can help.

1. Make a practice run. Performers hold dress rehearsals. Emergency workers run disaster drills. That's because actually going through the actions of any task is different from just knowing intellectually what to do. For example, on an academic level I totally understand how to do CPRbut I'd hate to have someone's life depend on my memory of the Red Cross class I took six years ago.

   Ask your parents to help you get your schedule and locker number a day or two before you start. Visit the school and walk the route to your classes. Try out your locker combination. Hang a few pictures, if you'd like. Find out where the bathrooms, lunchroom, library, and gym are located. It's a lot easier to get oriented when you're not under first-day stress, rushing between classes.

2. Meet the neighbors. Unless you've moved into a retirement community, there are probably lots of kids in your new neighborhood who go to your new school. If possible, spend some time outside so it's easy for neighbor kids to meet you. They probably won't ring your doorbell and introduce themselves, but if you're out shooting hoops it's a lot easier to say hi. Your parents can also make a point of introducing themselves to the neighbors sooner rather than later, and very likely your neighbors will volunteer their son or daughter to show you around on your first day. Whether you want to accept this help is up to you, but it's nice to have a friendly face on the bus or in the hall on the first day.