Endorsements
Sometimes books make you feel good; other times they make you better. This one does both. Loving My Actual Neighbor challenges us to put down our phones, cross the street, the coffee shop, or the carpool line, and rediscover spontaneous human connection. Alexs keen insights into our personal and cultural realities make her the perfect person to speak into how we can shift our lives from disconnected to connected with the people right around us every day. If you want life to be less busy and more meaningful, this is your book.
Krista Gilbert , author of Reclaiming Home and cohost of The Open Door Sisterhood podcast
In a culture saturated in all things social, weve become isolated and too busy for each other in real life. We know more about strangers weve never met than the people we see every day, walking their dogs, playing with their kids, or waving hello as they drive by our house. In Loving My Actual Neighbor , Alex Kuykendall shares her own story of stepping out of her comfort zone and learning how to love those around her with more intention. With honesty, humility, creativity, and transparency, Alex gives us seven practical and biblical steps to lean into relationships right in front of us so that we can experience the beauty of authentic, grace-covered neighboring and community. I highly recommend this book!
Renee Swope , bestselling author of A Confident Heart and former radio cohost, Proverbs 31 Ministries
We have an opportunity to send the world a message of hope by caring for the people right around us. Loving My Actual Neighbor is a great resource for any Christian who is wanting to do better at building relationships with those not already in their immediate circles. It offers practical approaches to connecting with our neighbors, our officemates, and the person we find standing next to us on the soccer sidelines. Alex is the real deal, and she lives out the content of this book in her everyday life!
Dave Runyon , coauthor of The Art of Neighboring
Do you love your neighbor? Or do you not know her name yet? Many of us theoretically believe in loving our neighbor, but when life gets busy the reality is its hard to remember her name. Learning to care about and love the person right next door to you can be a life-changing journey. Alex Kuykendalls Loving My Actual Neighbor is an encouragement to reach across the fence, open up your heart, and build a connection in the relationships right in front of you.
Claire D az- Ortiz , author and speaker, ClaireDiazOrtiz.com
Loving My Actual Neighbor inspired me, guided me with insightful ideas, and left me wanting to love Jesus more. A very practical and needed voice to help women do real ministry. I hope women will read this book, take it to heart, and, of course, share with their neighbors!
Sally Clarkson , author of The Lifegiving Home and host of the At Home with Sally podcast, SallyClarkson.com
In a time and space where its easier for us to surround ourselves with those who look, think, and vote like us, we need tools to help us engage with and authentically love those who may not. Taking Jesuss command to love our neighbor seriously means doing the hard work, it means sacrifice, and it requires a retraining of our brains to enter into relationships of mutuality with one another, where we can genuinely say you need me and I also need you. With personal experience and practical insight, Alex Kuykendall guides us through this process.
Vickie Reddy , executive producer, The Justice Conference
Lets be honest. L-O-V-E is a four-letter, power-packed word that can be so hard to show to people we live with, much less someone we barely know! Alexandra Kuykendall reminds us of the importance of drawing close to people instead of pulling away, to choose love especially when we dont feel like it. And most of all she reminds us that sometimes we need to simply see past our assumptions and fears, get up, knock on a neighbors door, and just say hello!
Maggie John , host and senior executive producer, Huntley Street
In a world searching for connection, Alexandra Kuykendall takes us by the hand and walks with us through the uncertainties, anxieties, and inevitable neighbor fails of learning to belong to the people near us. This book is full of practical ideas for anyone longing for true community but too nervous to open the door. Where do we start? Right here.
Shannan Martin , author of The Ministry of Ordinary Place
A book has never been more needed than this one! Refreshing and practical, it helps us approach loving our neighbors with humility and connection. Its actually how I think Jesus might love if he lived next door today. These pages are helping us take giant steps in all the little ways of practicing love right in our own communities. And that has potential to change the world!
Sarah Harmeyer , founder and chief people gatherer, Neighbors Table
Half Title Page
Other Books by Alexandra Kuykendall
The Artists Daughter
Loving My Actual Life
Loving My Actual Christmas
Title Page
Copyright Page
2019 by Alexandra Kuykendall
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-1636-3
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016
Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled NASB are from the New American Standard Bible (NASB), copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Dedication
For Derek
You teach me to be a better neighbor.
I watch and learn.
Contents
Cover
Endorsements
Half Title Page
Other Books by Alexandra Kuykendall
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Introduction: A Framework for Loving Your Neighbor
1. Holding a Posture of Humility
2. Asking Questions to Learn
3. Being Quiet to Listen
4. Standing in the Awkward
5. Accepting What Is
6. Lightening Up
7. Giving Freely
Conclusion: This Is Our Place, Our Time