Rebecca Eanes - The Gift of a Happy Mother: Letting Go of Perfection and Embracing Everyday Joy

Inspiring, heartfelt, practical, and a delightful read! Rebeccas gift to the reader is like a compassionate embrace of a wise friend whos been there. She understands the journey, tells you the truth, helps you find clarity, eases your mind, and always sticks up for you.

Janet Lansbury, author of No Bad Kids and Elevating Child Care

Todays moms are flooded with social media posts that perpetuate the false idea that they alone struggle with self-doubt, guilt, anxiety, and loneliness. Filled with gentle wisdom, honest revelations, and actionable steps, The Gift of a Happy Mother reminds us that the greatest gift we can give our children is our own contentment. Inspiring, comforting, and wise. A wonderful read!

Susan Stiffelman, author of Parenting Without Power Struggles and Parenting with Presence

Finally, someone has tackled the stumbling blocks of motherhoodthe fear, worry, guilt, sadness, stress and your own inner critic. The Gift of a Happy Mother is sterling inspiration.... A happy mother is a gift to her child. Make this book a gift to both of you.

Susan Newman, PhD, social psychologist and author of Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day

The Gift of a Happy Mother is the book we all need. One that lovingly reminds us that we must care for ourselves right alongside our children. This comprehensive look at todays joy stealers, along with easy-to-implement strategies to get it back, will help you feel like yourself again.

Sarah MacLaughlin, LSW, author of What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children

Rebecca Eanes shares her wisdom and experience, emphasizing why its important for mothers to cultivate and embrace happiness and fulfillment. She offers self-affirming, practical strategies to help moms build their joy armor and triumphantly navigate the reality, chaos, and challenges of parenthoodand, in turn, empower children to thrive.

Joanne Foster, EdD, educator and award-winning author

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

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Copyright 2019 by Rebecca Eanes

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Eanes, Rebecca, author.

Title: The gift of a happy mother : letting go of perfection and embracing everyday joy / Rebecca Eanes.

Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, 2019.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018049281| ISBN 9780143131564 (hardback) | ISBN 9781524705237 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: ParentingPsychological aspects. | Mothers. | Self-actualization (Psychology) | BISAC: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Parenting / Motherhood. | FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Life Stages / Infants & Toddlers. | SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Happiness.

Classification: LCC HQ755.8 .E1656 2019 | DDC 306.874/3dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018049281

Version_1

In the happiest of our childhood memories, our parents were happy, too.

ROBERT BRAULT

For Gavin and Aiden.
You are my gifts.

Would you rather have a perfect mother or a happy one?

The words that had been swirling around inside my head came tumbling out of my mouth without much warning. It wasnt even that I was striving for perfectionnot really. I knew perfection wasnt possible, and yet I did hold myself to unachievable standards, and my inner critic was harsh when I didnt meet them.

It had been a difficult year, which began with a big move to a new state. The village Id come to count on was gone, our friends and family left behind. My children had difficulty adjusting to the many changes at first, and I worried that we had made a terrible mistake in moving to this new place. Guilt cozied up beside me and whispered of my doubts and shortcomings. Anxiety had become a constant and unruly companion. The happy mom my kids had known was absent, and in her place stood a woman with sad and tired eyes. I hadnt realized that theyd noticed until the question spilled from my lips, and the answer came.

My brown-eyed boy didnt miss a beat.

A happy one. Definitely.

Something flickered behind his big chocolate eyes as he said it. Longing? Sadness? Perhaps hope? Whatever it was, it caused a stirring within my soul.

Intrigued by his quickness to respond and the assuredness of his answer, I probed further. Hmm. Would you rather have a happy mom or all the toys on your wish list? I was half playing with him now, but half sincere. This boy with a wish list a mile long was serious about toys. He had his allowance planned out until his junior year of high school. Surely hed pick all the toys. That would be his dream!

I was mistaken. To my surprise, he didnt even pause again. A happy mom, he said more fervently this time. There was a definite hint of hopefulness in his voice now. Oh, my sweet boy. He missed the mommy who smiled. The words he said next still echo in my heart. I mean, Id like to have all the stuff on my wish list, but its more important to me that youre happy.

Wow. This was serious. This was a revelation. I thought for sure hed choose truckloads of ice cream, candy, and toys, but his hearts desire wasnt for material things. His dream was for his mother to be happy. I suspect this is every kids dream. To see us laugh. To remember our smile. To feel the joy that permeates the home of a truly happy mother. I long to be what Brown Eyes needs me to be. A happy mom. I want to wear joy like a suit of armor. Strong, protective, and secure, I want to live in my shining suit of joy not only so that I may experience sustaining happiness but also that my children will have an example to follow so that they, too, may live joyfully and fulfilled. And so I have set out to build my joy armor piece by piece, day by day, until the day comes when I can look into my sons eyes and see more than hope, but rather a true reflection of joy.

Each day, I take up my shield and ready myself for the fling of arrows that will come. Guilt. Comparisons. Loneliness. Busyness. Fear. Overwhelm. There are many joy stealers to guard against, but I also have the best reasons in the world to put up my guard. My children. It is my hope that, as they watch me fiercely protect my joy against the slings and arrows of life, they will also take up their shields, build up their armor, and beat back the darkness. It is my hope that Brown Eyes and his brother will always find a reason to smile.