Lisa T. Bergren - Life on Planet Mom: A Down-to-Earth Guide to Your Changing Relationships

Pulled into orbit. Thats how I felt as I opened Life onPlanet Mom. Like gravity tugging my heart within these pages, I immediately connected with the four fictional characters who introduce each chapter. I also felt drawn to Lisa Bergren, who put into words what Id always felt as a mom but was not always able to verbalize. On top of that, I greatly enjoyed the input from other moms. This book makes me feel as if I belong to a special club. It also helps me understand why relationships are so needed in day-to-day life on this planet. Good stuff!

Tricia Goyer, author of Blue Like Play Dough
and Generation NeXt Parenting

Lisa Bergren gets it! Navigating the joys and challenges of motherhood takes heart, prayer, and a few good laughs, which Lisa provides. Shes encouraged me to look beyond my role of mom and stepmom and actually see myself again. Wow, what an epiphany!

Carolyn Castleberry, cohost of CBNs Living the Life
on ABC Family Channel and author of Its About Time!

Also by Lisa T. Bergren

Nonfiction
What Women Want
The Busy Moms Devotional

For children
God Found Us You
God Gave Us You
God Gave Us Two
God Gave Us Christmas
God Gave Us Heaven
God Gave Us Love
How Big Is God?

Recent fiction
The Begotten
The Betrayed
The Blessed
Breathe

LIFE ON
PLANET
MOM

a down-to-earth guide
to your changing relationships

LISA T. BERGREN

2009 by Lisa T. Bergren

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Bergren, Lisa Tawn.
Life on planet mom : a down-to-earth guide to your changing relationships /
Lisa T. Bergren.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8007-3365-0 (pbk.)
1. MothersReligious life. 2. Interpersonal relationsReligious aspects
Christianity. I. Title.
BV4529.18.B473 2009
248.8'431dc22

2009002288

Scripture is taken from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

The Holmes-Rahe Scale on pages 3435 is from Holmes & Rahe, Holmes-Rahe Life Changes Scale, Journal of Psychosomatic Research 11 (1967): 21318, and is used by permission.

Published in association with the literary agencies of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, www.alivecommunications.com and The Steve Laube Agency, 5025 N. Central Ave. #635, Phoenix, AZ 85012-1502.

For Karen and Hope
with love

Contents

1. Well, Enough about Me. What Do You Think about Me?
How Becoming a Mom Changes You

2. Who Are You Again? Oh Yeah, the Guy I Married
How Becoming a Mom Changes a Marriage

3. My Family Tree Is Suddenly a Forest
How Becoming a Mom Changes Your Relationship with Your Family of Origin

4. The Club No One Talks aboutbut Should!
How Motherhood Changes Friendships

5. Globa-Mama
How Becoming a Mom Changes Your Relationship with the World

6. A Fathers Love
How Becoming a Mom Changes Your Relationship with God

Conclusion
A Final Word... I Know, I Know, Enough Already!

Its difficult when were young mothersin the throes of momnesia, barely able to remember where were supposed to be in two minutes (let alone two days)to plan time for, much less seriously think about, our relationships. Were sleep deprived and pulled in a million directions. Were holding a child or being touched every waking hour. Our daily allotment of wordssupposedly so many more than men haveare all used up on phrases like: Dont touch that! Good job! Maybe later, No, I said no, Way to go! Over here, All right, Do you need to go potty? But you just went potty, Say please, and Im counting to three!

Some days its a struggle just to shower and make a meal beyond pouring a bowl of cornflakes we happen to have in the cupboard. I know you agree. Your sisters in the trenches confirmed it when they spoke out in a survey we conducted as part of the research for this book. Id love to have more time for my relationships, said my friend Sarah, but more than that, Id love to have another hour of sleep right now. My relationship with my child takes every ounce of energy I can find.

So whats a girl to do when shed love to grab a cup of java with her pals but shes taking her caffeine in shots so she can run the kids around from morning until night? Whats a girl to do when she wants to explore her relationship with God, but her prayer life beginsand endswith Dear God... and then shes asleep on the pillow? Whats a girl to do when she wants to appreciate her mother-in-law and reassure her of the importance of Grammy in her childrens lives, but the woman is driving her batty? Hold on, girls, help is coming! Ive felt the heart-wrenching pull of competing desires and the weight of expectations and learned to deal with both (fairly wellI think its a lifelong process of continuing ed!).

As a mom of three, I understand being pulled in a hundred directions. I know what its like to run, run, run and what it means to be utterly exhausted. We get the eldest off to school, but then the baby is in high-need mode. We get the baby down for his long nap about the time the eldest returns home. Then were off to soccer, piano lessons, playgroupon and on it goes. And that hour of sitting and gabbing with the galsexploring our new relationships as mothers? Uh, its hard to imagine it, right?

Aah, yes. I too fantasize about weekend retreats with my closest pals; I tune into TV shows that feature friends that are more like siblingsalways there for one another, always able to squeeze in a cup of coffee together; I write novels about relationships that are traumatized yet ultimately become stronger. But do I spend the same time and energy on my real relationships? Do all of my relationships survive difficulty? Most of the time.

I want to build better, stronger relationships in all facets of my life, but the tyranny of the urgent (scheduling five dental appointments, doing family budget reviews and bill paying, volunteering for the class field trip, reading a couple books to my preschooler, meal planning, laundry, work, and on and on) usually forces me to delay strengthening my friendships. Family management is a full-time job worthy of a college degree.

Still, the hunger remains. I want real, authentic community. I think. It sounds good anyway. But what is it, really, and how do we find and establish it? (Well seek that out together in this book.) I want relationships that inspire me, hone me, make me a better wife, mother, friend, or just a decent human being. But when I became Mom, I found that every relationship changed. Its as though I went into the hospital as one woman, a citizen of Earth, and emerged as anotheron Planet Mom.